Thursday, November 30, 2006

Attack of the Killer Snack Monster

okay, techically I should not snack. heehee but then there is the GLARING reality of the situation, so I find a compromise. while I am not supposed to snack, the cold hard facts are that I do. we all do.

so here is my 'snack' attack

on my desk is two kinds of vitamins. flintstones and disney nutri-stix. those are my 4 a day, quickies. seriously if your gonna snack, make it a vitamin snack

then over to the left is my HOLY CRAP I am STARVING stash. BEEF JERKEY. Pork Rinds and nuts. so maybe all it takes is a hand full (not literally) of pine nuts to hold me off for another hour. those are my snacks.

lately I have been 'bad' and I have a box of cereal in here for snacks. I DO NOT RECOMMEND IT but I do do it. find something that is low fat, low sugar. I have plain cheerios hidden in my filing cabinet under my desk for DIRE emergencies of snack attack.

I have also been known to stash a protein bar in my purse when I am going to be out running errands and no time to stop at wendys for chili and I just know that I am going to be missing meals. I nibble on that all day. lately I have been partaking of the 42g Protein ones simply because that is what my husband has in the house, not because they are low calorie or anything, they are total calorie bombs! but one a month will not sabotage me, one a week would, but not one a month.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

the scale is moving

the doctor's appointment is the week. tomorrow in fact. the question is to be honest with him or to lie and tell him what he wants to hear.

to tell him my fears that the weight loss will not slow down after the 'magical' honeymoon period, or that it will continue on over the next 18 months as 'others' have professed.

to tell him that I eat what I want, and I do not stick to the 'plan'. the end results is that I am 13 lbs away from my goal, and I am 1 day away from my appointment. I feel that I have succeeded. I have no doubts that I will be at goal in another month. I am happy with my health.

I am still waiting for my blood work results, I got a summary from my other doctor, but I want to know my cholesterol and triglyceride levels, as well as my protein and B12 levels.

emotionally I had a 'wow' moment yesterday, I went to lunch with a friend and instead of getting the soup and salad bar, I just got the soup. now it was a strange request for them as well, JUST SOUP. okay, JUST SOUP. but all I needed was JUST SOUP. and I got JUST SOUP. heehee. it felt good. I ate what I wanted, I left the rest. I didnt waste, I didnt try to take something home that I really didnt need. I got JUST SOUP. strange concept in this day and age.

it was only $3.49, which is 3x what I pay for Wendy's chili, and I got JUST SOUP.

I hate waste. I hate ordering more than I will eat. I hate paying for more than I would eat. and I really do not like carting home a doggie bag, to slowly decay in my fridge before I have the good sense to through it away.

so I got JUST SOUP.

I am sure it will get easier on the wait staff the more I do it.

btw I got Spicy Tortilla soup. wow. that was a change of pace. had some zing to it. my old taste buds have been on auto pilot for 8 months, so this was a wakeup call for them as well. no more bland chicken breast. well okay, so I had bland chicken breast for dinner. but we are venturing into new territory.

oh man, so far the restaurants that I have been too have not had the stupidity to tell me no to one dinner, two plates. can you imagine the stink I would have thrown? now Jason's Deli has refused to sell me a child's meal, and that really did torque me off, but I am okay now with paying for adult portion and just leaving the left overs.

cooking at home for me is such a waste too. 30 minutes to prepare a meal that is really about 8 bites. grrr

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

English or Metric

Start: 124Kg Today: 74.4 Kg Goal: 63.5Kg

I am having English tea this morning to get me started. blueberries and cottage cheese, wonder if that is anything like clotted cream? or if clotted cream is more like sour cream? strange thoughts at this hour.

it is 6 am, and I am already up, had my breakfast and am waiting for my morning tea to cool. yes, I went to bed extremely early last night, about 8 pm, I was exhausted. had a shoot here, got the house ready for a full week of working from home. that was a chore! but the dining room furniture is now in the kitchen. the living room furniture is now in the dining room, and the living room is set up for 5 different shooting areas. I am totally ready to rock and roll this week.

today was a LETTER PERFECT day. not sure what is wrong with me!!

B: 1 oz blueberries, 3 oz cottage chese
D: 20 breakfast tea
L: 4 oz tortilla soup, 1 Tbl ice cream
D: 20 afternoon tea
S: 2 oz chicken, 1 oz sweet potato

Monday, November 27, 2006

Proteins as I see it

currently I am still on track. I eat 1.25 oz of SOLID protein at each meal first. that is CHICKEN/PORK/BEEF/FISH and then I eat another .75 oz of Leafy Green Veggies that is BROCCOLI/APARAGUS/BRUSSEL SPROUTS/SALAD. I am currently losing 2.5 lbs a week or 10 lbs a month which is precisely on target for RNY 3-6 months out.

I do not compliment with high calorie protein shakes, I do eat 3 times a day, with occasionally 1 snack. I keep my calories down to 425 a day. I do not feel hungry before 5 hours post meal. I have a horrible sweet tooth, but I must say no. the surgery cut out my stomache, not my brain. ;)

soft protein is not solid protein. eggs, shakes and cheeses are soft proteins and they 'go right through you'

okay, techically I should not snack. heehee but then there is the GLARING reality of the situation, so I find a compromise. while I am not supposed to snack, the cold hard facts are that I do. we all do.

so here is my 'snack' attack

on my desk is two kinds of vitamins. flintstones and disney nutri-stix. those are my 4 a day, quickies. seriously if your gonna snack, make it a vitamin snack

then over to the left is my HOLY CRAP I am STARVING stash. BEEF JERKEY. Pork Rinds and nuts. so maybe all it takes is a hand full (not literally) of pine nuts to hold me off for another hour. those are my snacks.

lately I have been 'bad' and I have a box of cereal in here for snacks. I DO NOT RECOMMEND IT but I do do it. find something that is low fat, low sugar. I have plain cheerios hidden in my filing cabinet under my desk for DIRE emergencies of snack attack.

I have also been known to stash a protein bar in my purse when I am going to be out running errands and no time to stop at wendys for chili and I just know that I am going to be missing meals. I nibble on that all day. lately I have been partaking of the 42g Protein ones simply because that is what my husband has in the house, not because they are low calorie or anything, they are total calorie bombs! but one a month will not sabotage me, one a week would, but not one a month.

'for me' when I eat 800-900 calories a day I do not lose. when I drink protein shakes and eat soft proteins, I get hungry sooner than 5-6 hours and want to eat again.

my program has me consuming 2 oz a meal, 3 meals a day. I added in the snack, because I am a snack a holic,

my program is trying to train me to use the hard proteins each day so that I pull the proteins out. I doubt that I can explain this really well, but:

a 1 oz soft protein may have 8 grams of protein going in, but it passes through the digestive track in 1 hour and you only retain 1 gram of that protein, the rest is flushed out the system

a 1 oz hard protein may have the same 8 grams of protein going in, but it passes through the digestive track in 5 hours, and you retain 5 grams of that protein, the rest is flushed out of the system

if you combine that 1 oz hard protein with 1 oz of leafy green vegetable, getting your vitamin C in there without a carbohydrate like fruit, you bind the iron in that protein, and now you have 5 grams of protein AND a bind-able iron to keep up this, that and the other. the protein in a soft protein (shake / milk / cheese) actually works against the iron thing a ma bobby and you decrease the iron absorption and end up with decreased white blood count, decreased red blood count, and decreased Transferin as well as increased LDL and decreased HDL in the cholesterol as well as increased Triglycerides. (it has been my experience)

I started on cottage cheese about two months ago, and this happened to me so now I am back to the basics, eating my chicken, fish, beef and pork, combining them with the leafy greens and getting the chemical binds with the proteins that I am ingesting, which it takes much less when doing this combination than if you were just consuming the liquid / soft proteins in order to 'retain' the same amount in the end.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

~~~~Victoria Secrets~~~~

I so totally have to tell someone.. if I do not I am going to BURST!!!!

ready? come on READY? heehee

the scale MOVED and I mean REALLY moved this week. aunt flo left, and she took her sweet time. and then I retained for like a week and a half later. and then POOF!!!!

I dropped down to 164 this morning, I was so inspired, I went through the closet and took out a few things that just totally did not fit anymore, and then I raided my OMG extremely underweight husbands drawers. he had a pair of jeans in there that were 2 sizes too small for him and I got them on, and buttoned and HOLY CRAP are you ready for this

THEY FIT. I am in a size 32" Levi's, I have not been in a 32" levi since 1986. I am DYING HERE!!! absolutely butt grabbing dying. I have lost 111 lbs and 10 sizes in 6 months. I have 14 lbs to go in less than a month.

I could just squeal I am so happy. I have gotten out my sewing machine, I totally need to take in three shirts so that I can get another month out of them. oh oh oh and check this out!!

I figured out the bra situation. I couldnt figure out why a 38D was too big and a 36C was too small. HELLO.. I am a 36DD so now guess what, walmart doesnt carry 36DD, how freaky is that? Victoria Secrets does, so next month I am going to get a sitter, take hubby, and get a buttload of new Victoria Secret Bras. this is so going to be a hoot!

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Kat's Protein Theory

there are two kinds of Proteins: Soft easily digested Proteins and Sturdy harder to digest Proteins.
Soft Proteins:
whey based protein, protein isolate, protein concentrate, cheeses, eggs

Sturdy Proteins:
hen, turkey, pork, beef, lamb
it is my proposition that the body must ingest 4 times the amount of calories / volume of soft proteins as it does in sturdy proteins to extract the equivalent amount in protein.
my proposition is that all things being equal, an ounce of soft protein is digested 4 times faster than an ounce of sturdy protein. in order to absorb the same amount of protein from soft protein foods, a person would have to consume 4 time as much. Whereas if a person were to consume only sturdy proteins, they would consume 1/4 as much to meet the same daily nutrient needs. I propose that it takes 4 times as long to digest a sturdy protein and in doing so, our bodies spend 4 times a long breaking it down and are thus able to utilize it 4 times greater than the same volume of soft protein.
just like oatmeal and orange juice, we have a complex binding when we combine leafy greens with sturdy proteins, that give our bodies a greater benefit of the sum of the two, if consumed alone. by consuming leafy greens in conjunction, we increase the absorption and utilization of the irons in the lean meats.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

I was really good on my own,
B: cottage cheese and blueberries
L: beef jerky
and then I left the house. my house is my sanctuary, my house is my safe zone. that place out there is EVIL.

on my way to a family dinner that I knew would escalate into an issue, I stopped and got a oreo milkshake, I got three of four slurps on the straw and the nausea started. so I gave that up.

I got there and had some candied yams. no problem, I made myself a saucer, and had a tasting bite of everything.

1 Tablespoon of Turkey
1 Tablespoon of greenbean bake
1 Tablespoon of stuffing
1 Tablespoon of mashed potatoes and sausage gravy
1 Tablespoon of pumpkin pie (no crust)
3 or 5 black olives
1/2 small deviled egg

so about 10 oz of food or twice my normal amount. typical holiday orgy.

I was stuffed, but I was coping

then about 1 hour later, the corn chips and caso were calling my name, and that was were I went from marginal to over the line. bad bad bad bad reaction. I ended up leaving about 20 minutes later. I need to go down and brew some Chamomile tea to settle my tummy.

I hate holidays. I am just not to be trusted.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Good Freaking Morning Peeps!

I am in a very good mood, lucky for all y'all! heehee

today I go in for three fillings, my teeth have always been pretty, but extremely cavity prone. so I have to find a sitter for #4 and #5 offspring. what a PITA.

offspring #2 is driving me nuts, she is needy, she is pesky, she is freaking over the tux's regarding the wedding. not her dress. not her veil, not her flowers, not her church, music, not her cake, not her photographer, not her shoes, the freaking tux's and to stupid invitations.

please deliver me a giant pizza and a six pack of beer before I rip her head off.

my portrait business is going gang busters and I am getting more referrals every day. I am getting down right EXCITED. I could potentially pay off my equipment next month if things continue to improve. the WLS has done wonders for my self confidence!

and a final note about me, since it is ALL ABOUT ME! I got on the scale this morning. 165.5 BMI 25.8, .9 to get to 'NORMAL' but at least the scale is MOOOOOooooooving. down 4 lbs in a couple of days. (increased my fluid intake, (2) 23 oz glasses of tea a day to flush the system.

Kat [Photographer & Mom of 5 & Blogger]

[[ Some people are like slinkies, they don't really have a purpose, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.]]

Monday, November 20, 2006

Fat Americans

now that I have your attention. my husband have had THIS discussion ad nauseum for the last 10 years. we have beat this topic to death. why?

he is not an American and therefore anything that is AMERICAN is inferior. to the point that he thinks that the CDC growth charts are grossly unbalanced and do not reflect on world health charts, and tend to favor fat American kids being considered 'normal'

that being said. I did some research:

the WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION, the 'unbiased' watchdog of health had this to say:


WHO (skip to page 13, the rest is all blah blah blah)

so what does that mean? that means that rather than worrying about People's Feelings, we need to step up to the plate and exercise portion control. express ourselves to change the way things are done. THIS IS SO KEWL. now I can express to dear hubby that IT IS a world issue, not just American one.

SUPERSIZE ME was a very enlightening video. supersizeme really should have slowed me down, but so far, I found that with my husband away, I have been through the drive through 4 times this week. so I need some self education myself.

I was completely shocked at the portion sizes that I see people using now days. portions I watch people putting away easily 6 to 8 portions and that was not just during the feast yesterday. it is every day.

my daughter and I went to a steakhouse last week. we ordered one Filet Mignon dinner. it came with corn as a side, a salad, and toast. we added a loaded baked potato (ended up being a waste, we already had too much food) and grilled mushrooms. ate 1/2 and the rest was a waste.

we cut the 8 oz steak in half, each getting a 4 oz steak, we split the salad 1/3 for me and 2/3 for her, and she ate all the corn, we split the mushrooms, 1/3 for me and 1/3 for her, and 1/3 went to waste.

I couldn't eat all my steak, she ate all hers, I got two teaspoons of the potato, and she ate about 2/3's.

we were so totally stuffed and completely fed off from one adult portion meal. it really spelled it out to us that portions are out of control. no one really believes that they can survive off from 1-3 oz, I hear it on a daily basis, hell, I hear it here.

nut insist that I need 900 calories. nut is right.

I have not done fit day in a month, but I would hazard to guess that I eat 300-500 calories a day. no supplements. just four vitamins a day and so far my lab work has been stellar. I think that we can really address portion control without a 'HEATED' debate. I think that what I have seen in the last 6 months is not limited to just here in America. I think that it is world wide issue.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Snow for Holidays

finally found a decent fare to go north for the holidays with Naomi. no by trip through tulsa, thank goodness!

so I am booked from December 19th (My Birthday) until January 4th. Traveling on Delta and staying at Motel 6.0. same plane and same room. I like it consistent. Already requested my fridge so that should be 'handy'.

as for my other other issues, food has been okay this week, way too many carbs, need to increase my protein and fluids. only loosing .5 lbs every 5 days. would appear that my body is taking a break, which is fine, I was starting to get a little frazzled myself from the drastic changes.

work has taken a SLOW down. I may have three families in the next month, and one definite daycare. pretty slow overall. going to have to work on my marketing stuff.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Busier than a one legged man in a Butt kicking contest!

the event... and my life in general. the main reason that I almost lost track of this thread. even though it is a high priority for me to DO SOMETHING.

my life:
the event, I passed out 230 invitations with date and time, to a wide variety of potential customers in a variety of venues to try to get a diverse attendee population.

I got two positive responses from constant contact
I got one positive response from a personal contact.
of the two constant contact, one actually kept her appointment time
and the one personal contact, kept his appointment time.
I got a second visitor, that didnt want to take photos, but to give support and come see my 'display'

that was it.

I was on location at 8 am, shot two sessions, and was done with nothing to do by 1 pm, and I had the building until 8 pm. I gave up and went home at 5 pm. I made enough money ($400) to pay myself, and my assistant for our time, and to cover the expense of renting the building and paying for the printed announcements.

one - two - three - four

I do not say that it was a bust, but I truly think that I should have promoted it much earlier, and had specific sign ups for parents to make it more a 'concrete' appointment.

the next weekend event was on location 75 miles away, that went better, I had 4 show up and each ordered a respectable amount, the average was $240 per family, so it paid for my time, my assistants time, and the costs of marketing it. plus I gained an additional booking

I gained more 'portfolio' examples from the 6 families, I think that I will work those families into referral familes, so that my business will double and I will have 12 families next time.

I was able to be successful in giving each family truly personal time and attention to detail in the shooting, and the sale. but it does take a lot of time.

added onto that a 50+ kid daycare during that week, and booking another 50+ kid daycare next week for holiday portraits, I am confident that things are going well.

I still truly need to 'get out there' and promote myself more. it is just about as important to SELL your wares as it is to BUILD your talent. you just can not do one without the other.

Friday, November 17, 2006

must have caffiene

I need Caffiene!!! I worked until 2 am, and then got a call at 4 am, my prego daughter was sick, so I rushed her to the ER, they hooked her up to the baby doplar, baby was fine, but she has a raging UTI. kept her there for 5 hours. now she is at my house resting. poor mutt, I am so tired, I can not see straight. still have to take the boys to the pediatrican today, already processed two sets of proofs, uploaded them, and created a custom collage for a customer that caught me on my cell phone at Denny's getting two slices of bacon for breakfast.

Huntsville Blessings

I have been tremendously blessed this month. a town about 75 miles away have opened their arms and embraced me heart and soul. it is amazing. they have a couple of local photographers, but for whatever reason, they are keeping me busy. I never say no, I guess. I drive up to pick up orders, to drop off orders, to take props up, to take photos. I never say no, but I never give away the store. they are courteous and kind and very respectful of my 'art', any requests are made with very reverent manner and kindhearted spirit. it is a small small town of

The estimated population, in 2003, was 35,567, the median income is $27,075. I will say it once again, size and income do not make a town or a photographer. prices do not make a photographer, I am charging a 'reasonable' rate for my work, not too much, not too little, and they are requesting me to come back, and they are booking family sessions, some are even sharing afternoon sessions so that they can all get in. these are traditional Penneys clients, but they do say two things, QUALITY, quality of the images and quality of the prints themselves.

*sigh* I was really working in the wrong demographics here in Klein, which is funny, because you would think that city folk would value a private photographer. in reality, it is the country folk that value the quality of a good storyteller. how freaking cool is that?

I am in the middle of a humongous stall, but I am totally okay with it, I personally needed a break. now in two weeks if I am still in it, I may pitch an unholy hissy fit.

just got on the scales. 172!!! so up 3 lbs. okay, lets just suspend reality for a moment.

yesterday I had 4 oz of cottage cheese, 8 oz of chili, 16 oz of zip fizz, 8 oz of unsweetened tea. four vitamins.

that is 12 oz of food and no freaking candy, and 24 oz of fluids(yeah, yeah, more in later)and I am up 3 lbs. and I am NOT on my period.

see, that is just mind numbing. no more getting on the scales, no more freaking out, just enjoy my 'diet' vacation.

now to go make some chamomile tea and get some rest, I have to 'go to work for a couple of hours tomorrow', and I now have about 7 sessions for Saturday and two for Sunday.

Monday, November 13, 2006

I am Still Here

so busy at work that I have forgotten my own name. I am working 20 hour days, 7 days a week while there is still work to be had. I know that it is feast or famine in this business, so while the good times are rolling, I have to get all the work done that comes my way.

my weight is coming off, slowly but surely. I am in a stall right now, not a big deal. been hovering around 169-171 for weeks now. I just need more fluids, less carbs, and a lot less stress. it is much much harder to stay warm these days without the extra insulation. I actually have to wear two layers of clothes, so I look much fluffier, defeating the whole purpose of the diet!

this business is exhilarating, exhausting, and wow. right now it is the feast part. and I am busier than a cat covering shit I swear. I am working on 37 families that I did in two days this last week, just the kids except one that had a grandma in with the kid. mostly just one kid, but there were about 5 that had a tiny tiny baby and a kid, those are the hardest.

Satruday I have to drive back up to Huntsville (75 miles away) and do 4 more families, with grownups. Sunday I went up for a business portrait (10 peoples) and then drive back up on Wednesday with the proofs from the 37 family job at the daycare, and then back up NEXT Saturday to do 5 working farm families (they want pictures of them with their horses) and then that should be it for the year. I do not have any other appointments until March.I just paid my printer bill for the month of October, $450.00 that is a lot of printing. the month of November should be about the same.

Erik is liking school, has lots of friends, so getting him to go in the morning is easy. Magnus is not liking school. He says that he has a friend, but he is just so quiet and shy, he really doesnt want to go. I picked him up early yesterday to go to the pediatrician, and he was sitting on the chair in the office, ( I was 8 minutes late) and he was perfectly still and just sitting there ready to go. not talking to anyone. he is so unlike anyone else in the family.

krys is in a mood. called me up Saturday morning, pretty bitchy at 2 am, I told her she was grouchy, and she went off, said that I was full of it, Jason had told her that she was bitchy too. and SHE WAS NOT! hahahaha she does not transition well. and with him working nights and then not coming STRAIGHT HOME after work, it is freaking her out. man she is like her granny, keeping him on a short leash. after work saturday, I counseled her that she needs more 'girl' friends to socialize herself so that she is not velcro-baby on Jason. she is socially retarted, she thinks that relationships in highschool with girls like Elizabeth Childs and their ilk were so 'drama queen' and doesnt realize that now that she is an adult, she can have a friend without it being all drama. just has to find some 'married' with 'new babies' so that she has stuff in common. recommended that she take Jackson (babysitting 11 month old) to the library for reading hour to start getting to know other 'new moms' as well as a local playgroup and a labor class, maybe even a HOBBY. ;)

sverre lost another 7 lbs, he is now 166lbs I am 169, I swear, I am never going to get below him at this rate! what kills me is that he eats and eats and eats and eats. candybars, ice cream, pasta, it is just disgusting how much he eats and looses weight. he still rides his bike every day, but not on the weekends lately.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Comfort Zones v growing confidence

I have no desire to try new 'things' like belly dancing or rock climbing, I thought I would when I was fat and that was what was holding me back, but now I know that I have social issues to work on.

my thrill this week is talking to people that are 'horse / cow' farm people about lifestyle portraits. so many people in my industry go for the ULTRA rich BMW'ers with Mansions thinking that they will get the big 30x40 gallery wall portrait. I think that those are so few and far inbetween, that it is a waste of time to market towards them.

I am staying true to my 'niche' of the toddlers, 6 weeks to 4 years. HOWEVER, I am scimming off that market and picking up the parents of that rural lifestyle. I think that it is an untapped market, they value their lifestyle as much as the BMW'ers enough to immortalize it.

what led me down this path is that my own 'lifestyle' has been completely reshaped this year. when I go to the restaurant, I am still self conscience about ordering from the kids menu or the al a carte menu, I am getting better, and more comfortable with my lifestyle. and my lifestyle choice is just as valid as the lady next door that drives through McD's and tosses 1500 calorie bags of food disguised as a happy meal back to each chubby child on the way to soccer practice.

it is insane how much food 'normal people' consume because they THINK that they need that much. I have even converted my daughter over to a saucer rather than a PLATE (did you know that american plates are much larger than european ones? (I have my dh's norwegian plates and my plates from the same vendor, and there is a 1/2 inch difference in diameter.)

lean meats and leafy green vegetables, only

three small meals a day, no snacking

the first couple of months I was STARVING from head hunger. I would never have imagined for a million years that a body can live off of so very little but we really do eat an obscene amount of food. I consume 1/2 cup (4 oz) of food 3 times a day and am more active now than ever before. granted the 'surgery' should have helped me not 'be hungry' but I really did think that I was 'starving' from my head thinking that it really needed all that food that I totally denied that I was eating each day.

saturday my 28 week prego daughter and I went to a steakhouse, split a filet mignon dinner, one dinner, two plates. we each ate what we wanted, I had 3 oz of steak, 1/2 oz of loaded baked potato, 1/2 a dinner salad, and 1/2 oz of sauteed mushrooms, she ate the same, but added in 6 oz of the potato and 1/2 cup of corn, we still had a doggie bag to take home to the mutt of hers.

I am much much much more aware of just how much bigger our plates are here in the US, how much bigger the portions are, and it really is insane. there was enough food on that plate to feed three adults, or two adults and two children. a year ago, I would have ate it all.

so with new found respect for my lifestyle, I find value in other's lifestyle and want them to see it in a wonderful new light!

comfort zone? actually believing in myself enough to try this new concept, and convincing them to let me try. YIKES!

Monday, November 06, 2006

5.5 months Photo Op



it doesnt happen very often, god got my periods mixed up, I am happy once a month, it usually lasts a weekend.

today is the day. enjoy! LOL

I am in the middle of a two day 100 toddler daycare shoot with a limited edition holiday theme and I can suffice to say. WOW. I also picked up the orders from the two day 50 toddler daycare shoot right before halloween, and so I will be busy all night placing the orders.

Donna Quarles was right, preorder gets more smaller sales, proof order gets less larger sales. I just cashed $1500.00 in checks today. and am still processing $500 in credit card receipts, not bad for 10 hours of work and all I have is a little prosumer nikon camera and a couple cheapo Alien Bees. hahahaha I am such a little prosumer. snicker.

now I am getting worried. really really worried. I wanted to move to montana in June. I was going to do so without a second thought. now I have no idea. I am starting down a garden path with a couple of land mines in it.

some of the toddlers that I have been shooting, have farm / cow / horse lifestyles as they are working ranch kids. and we are booking working ranch photoshoots, so far two weekends, back to back, and they are inviting 4 other families for a working ranch portrait party, OUTDOORS, as in horses, cows, lasso's and leather. whoohoo.

the part that is freaking me out, is the not shoot, but the fact that I think that this could be a subculture niche market that I would really flourish in and that would increase my HAPPY QUOTENT to the point that I may not LEAVE TEXAS.

(talking to myself) what in the world have I gotten myself into? am I putting the cart before the horse, (pun totally embraced) talked it over with dh, and he is totally understanding, if I want to stay, we stay, if I want to go, we go, if I want to stay until we go, he he he, if i am happy at work, he is happy to stay at his job that he hates just so long as I am HAPPY.

come to think of it, what the flip is up with that? my head is spinning. too much protein today, not enough fluids. the world is SPINNING!

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Underwear - revisited

I tried the cheap ones, the expensive ones, no luck... ttthhhbbbb~~~

go to a proper bra store, get fitted, that is on my list to do, but changing bra sizes every 6 weeks, seems like a waste of money now. I just hate spending the $$$ on something that I will only wear for a couple of months

I think that I am going to get a sports bra, seems to be the best solution.

I went and bought to sports bra's today. it was a 'challenge' to get the right band size, I needed a Medium to get the right cup size I needed a Large. I opted for the right cup, and may just whip stitch a band of elastic to keep them CINCHED down.

I am such a tightwad, I have not changed bra sizes and I am down 106 lbs. heehee I think that I could just stitch a seam in my two 'larger' ones to cinch them down and get another 6 weeks out of them. I promise on my birthday in december I will get REAL fitted bras. heehee

btw, now that I have the girls cinched down for now, I have a complaint.

I went to get some PJ pants. they did not have any SMALL. they had Medium, Large, XL, XXL, and XXXL, now I REMEMBER complaining about never having XXL and XXXL in stock, now I am P&M about no S, but sheez! not one pair in the ENTIRE STORE in Small. what does that tell you? ;)

so I got three Mediums, and they are roomy and comfy without being obscenely falling off when the UPS man knocks. but YOU know and I know that Medium will not fit in 30 more lbs. so I am gonna have to find an outlet that sells Small.

listen to me? what a whiner. HAHAHAHAHA (maniacal giggling) Flip it, I went through a #ell of a Lot this year, I can loose my flipping mind now if I want. giggle


(maniacal giggling)

food intake today:
B: small portion of cottage cheese
two teaspoons of oatmeal


L: corn flakes (dry) thumbs up for crunch, thumbs down later in the tummy due to expanding

S: 3/4 cup of wendy's chili

S: fun size snickers bar

D: slice of homemade pizza

getting my fluids down, HARD as HELL. carried a water bottle with me today, barely got it in.

Hair Loss:
I just pulled an WHOLE handful out of the bathtub drain today, so mine has not slowed down, a bit, and I would have to say on a positive note that there are little shorties that are about 1/2 inch long growing in, so I think that I am starting to replace now. and here is my back to the bad

THERE are SOME coming in GREY!!! like WTF??? do I loook old enough to get some GREY"S? I dont freaking think so. this crap will not stand!!!

pull those stupid one out and go with thin and brown hahahahaha

I totally need someone to volunteer to stand at the top of the stairs, I am such a mood today!!

I had surgery 1 week after you did. I started out 247.5, 15 lbs less.

I was much better about the Lean Meats and Leafy Green Vegetables until about 3 weeks ago, when I GAVE UP. and went back to my old diet. up until that point, I was loosing 3.6 lbs a week average for the previous 4 months.

as soon as I started back in on the carbs, I essentially started a tremendous slow down. I went from 3.6 lbs a week to 1.6 lbs a week. it is my own fault, I told the doctor I could only hold to that diet for a short period of time, and I was really surprized that I did as well as I did as long as I did. I usually loose interested in a diet after about 90 days. and then I am back to carbs.

as for volume, I have really tried hard not to stretch my pouch. I know that carbonated drinks do not stretch, just volume of solid food, and I have tried to keep it to less than 1/2 cup at any one sitting. I did not snack up until about 3 weeks ago, now that the carb monster is kicking my butt, I am eating every 3 hours instead of every 6. once again, self sabotage. I know what I need to do, I just do not wanna.

if I were to get back on track, eat just LEAN MEATS and LEAFY GREEN VEGETABLES. I am sure after 2 weeks, I would start loosing again.

as for the hair, I am sure everyone is different, but mine is still falling out at the same holy crap pace it was at 3 months postop. just sucks.

as far as fail. hello. 70 lbs is not a failure by any sense of the word. I sat at the dinner table today, and we were discussing the amount of food and quality that I am eating now. I am not dumping on anything anymore. ;-( and today I devoured nearly an entire small wendy's chili before realizing that I didnt stop at the 1/2 mark. that was a freak moment. I usually stop. today I didnt until it was 3/4 gone. dinner was 1/2 a slice of pizza. which is a big change from the 3 that I would eat 6 months ago. so I am down 105 lbs and I am in a size medium. I am happy. I just have to realize what my limits are now rather than have my pouch tell me.

Saturday, November 04, 2006


The Archer
November 23 to December 21

Sagittarius Traits

Optimistic and freedom-loving
Jovial and good-humored
Honest and straightforward
Intellectual and philosophical

On the dark side....

Blindly optimistic and careless
Irresponsible and superficial
Tactless and restless

Sagittarius About Your Sign...

Sagittarians have a positive outlook on life, are full of enterprise, energy, versatility, adventurousness and eagerness to extend experience beyond the physically familiar. They enjoy travelling and exploration, the more so because their minds are constantly open to new dimensions of thought. They are basically ambitious and optimistic, and continue to be so even when their hopes are dashed. Their strongly idealistic natures can also suffer many disappointments without being affected. They are honorable, honest, trustworthy, truthful, generous and sincere, with a passion for justice. They are usually on the side of the underdog in society they will fight for any cause they believe to be just, and are prepared to be rebellious. They balance loyalty with independence.

Sagittarians are usually modest and are often religious, with a strong sense of morality, though they tend to overemphasize the ethical codes they follow and worship beliefs about God rather than God Himself. This means that, negatively, they regard rigid, unloving, intolerant adherence to ritual and conventional codes as more important than the truths they symbolize or embody. They sometimes pay lip service to religions and political parties in which they have ceased to believe because the outward forms satisfy them, yet they may not hesitate to switch allegiance in politics or change their system of belief if they see personal advantage to themselves in doing so.

They have both profound and widely ranging minds, equipped with foresight and good judgement, and they can be witty conversationalists. They love to initiate new projects (they make excellent researchers) and have an urge to understand conceptions that are new to them. they think rapidly, are intuitive and often original, but are better at adapting than inventing and are at their best when working with colleagues of other types of character that compliment their own. They are strong-willed and good at organizing, a combination that gives them the ability to bring any project they undertake to a successful conclusion. Their generosity can be balanced by their extreme care at handling their resources.

Sagittarians are ardent, sincere and straightforward in love, normally conventional and in control of their sexual natures. Yet if thwarted, they may easily allow their failure to embitter their whole lives or they may revenge themselves upon the opposite sex by becoming cynically promiscuous. They are more apt then the average to make an uncongenial alliance.
If their marriages are successful, they will be faithful spouses and indulgent parents; but their innate restlessness will inspire them to use even the most satisfying ménage as a base from which to set out on their travels. They need to fell free and are often faced with the choice of allowing their careers to take over their lives at the expense of the love of their spouse and family. Sagittarian women are the counterparts of their men; even if they have no career to rival their love, they find it difficult to express affection and may run the risk of being thought frigid.

In other personal relationships they are reliable, seldom betraying any trust given to them. They can, however, be impulsively angry and both male and female Sagittarians know how to be outspoken and exactly what expressions will hurt their adversaries most. On the other hand they are magnanimous in forgiving offenses and are responsible when looking after the elderly in the family.

Their gifts fit Sagittarians for a number of widely differing professions. They are natural teachers and philosophers with a talent for expounding the moral principles and laws which seem to explain the universe. This gift enables them to be successful churchmen on the one hand and scientists on the other. The law and politics also suit them, as does public service, social administration, public relations and advertising. Travel and exploration naturally appeal to such restless souls and, if their opportunities are limited, they may find something of travel and change of scene in the armed forces or through working as a travelling salesman. Others may make fine musicians and, in the days before automobiles, they were said to be successful at horse trading and all activities, including sporting ones, concerning horses. This has been translated in modern terms into an interest in cars and aircraft - and again with emphasis on the sporting side racing, rallying etc. They are said to make good sports coaches, but their tastes in this direction may lead them into imprudent gambling, though the gambling instinct may be sublimated by carrying it out professionally as a bookmaker.

The vices to which Sagittarians are prone are anger they tend to flare up over trifles; impatience - they want to rush every new project through immediately and demand too much of colleagues who cannot work at the pace they require; and scorn of the inadequacies of others while expecting fulsome recognition of their own efforts. They may in one sense deserve recognition, because in completing a major project they will sacrifice their health and family relationships; in their family's eyes they may merit condemnation.

They can be exacting, domineering and inconsiderate in the work place; and boastful, vulgar and extravagant in their private lives. Their restlessness, if excessive, can jeopardize more than their own stability. some Sagittarians risk becoming playboys, wasting their lives away in frivolous pursuits. Others can develop a moralizing, religious fanaticism or else turn into hypocrites, their inner prudishness disguised by an outward appearance of joviality. Another side of the religiosity which is a danger in Sagittarians is superstition.
Possible Health Concerns...

Sagittarius governs the hips, thighs and sacral area; subjects suffer from ailments of the hips and thighs and are liable to sciatica and rheumatism. An alleged deficiency of silicon in their physiques can give them poor skin, nails and hair.

As they are often sportsmen indulging in dangerous pursuits, they are prone to accidents which arise from these. The ancient astrologers mention falls from horses and hurts from them and other four-footed beasts. The taking of risks in other sports is a danger to the modern Sagittarian, and he is also liable to accidents with fire and heat.


* LIKES Traveling
* getting to the heart of the matter
* Freedom
* Laws and meanings
* the general 'feel' of things

* DISLIKES Off the wall theories
* being tied down domestically
* Being constrained
* cooling your heels
* bothered with details


As with all sun signs, we all have unique traits to our personalities. When these traits are suppressed, or unrealized, problems will arise. However, with astrology we can examine the problem and assess the proper solution based on the sun sign characteristics. As a Sagittarius you may see things below that really strike home. Try the solution, you most likely will be amazed at the results. If you find yourself on the receiving end of the negatives below, it is because you are failing to express the positive.

PROBLEM: Others have no time for you as you are apt to have too many irons in the fire at any given time.
SOLUTION: Be sure that you have a 'product' to match all the 'advertising' you do. Is it fact or is it fiction?

PROBLEM: Others cease to confide in you or to take you seriously.
SOLUTION: Try not to exaggerate or be contentious with others as this could be embarrassing if they feel you are not trustworthy.

PROBLEM: Feeling lost and disillusioned.
SOLUTION: Focus upon one thing that will satisfy you and work toward that point.

PROBLEM: You seem anchored in one spot, unable to move forward.
SOLUTION: You should try to think more positive thoughts and set some short term goals that you can reach, then set more. In this way you will move ahead in your endeavors.

Some more interesting facts about your sign:
The animal associated with you sign is the centaur.

The Greek love for the horse led to the ennoblement of the centaur in myth and legend. The Centaur Chiron was known for his wisdom and healing abilities. Nessus was killed by Hercules for trying to rape a woman under his charge, and other centaurs were renowned for their weakness for drink. The centaur symbolizes mankinds dual nature as an intellectual creature (the human half) which was also a physical animal (the horse half).

The color of choice for Sagittarius is RICH PURPLE

Your Starstone is the TOPAZ

Topaz, the gem comes in many different colors and is a member of the quartz group. It aids in bringing forth your leadership qualities and enables you to grasp control of any situation you confront in life. Topaz makes you feel more in control of yourself or the situations you encounter and helps you deal with them in a competent fashion. It helps you take the lead and handle things in a competent fashion. Tradition has it that Topaz helped foretell the future, enhance sexual energy, and promote harmony.

Friday, November 03, 2006


I am doing okay. earlier I was over tired and lethargic. I am feeling better now, had a shower, am dressed, and solved a problem of a missing DVD player box that my husband swore I had thrown away. talk about a family feud on that one!

I am 20 lbs from goal. I am dancing the happy dance!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Comparing to others

you know, the one person that I seek for approval, my husband is the least likely to give it. I do not know why I beat myself up over it every day or so, but I do. I have lost 105 lbs and he is like, so you still need to loose another 40! I freaking lost it. I am 20 away from MY goal, 30 away from HIS goal and he just dropped it down another 10 to 40! that tells me that he is not happy with my efforts that he may never be. I lit into him about my height (between 5'7" and 5'8") and how he may be expecting me to be like my sister (5'4" and 98 lbs).

I find it really hard to live up to his expectations. my FRIENDS all tell me daily that I look fabulous, that I have done really well, that they think I should slow down, but ultimately that I am doing great.

HE comes back with, why should you slow down? you should get as skinny as possible. WHY? because he is? yikes.

so it may not be me that is in my head, it may be how many people are passing through in my head. I should be happy, love the skin I'm in. ;)

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


how does anyone know, what to do? be close to this child, or close to that child? my heart is torn, I have two children at home, one grand baby on the way, one child in Montana and one child in Washington. but then again, I have always always always put those 5 kids before everything, before my marriage, my health, just everything.

this year, I have really put me first, and that is freaking weird! good, but weird. the more self esteem I have, the more self confidence I have.

BTW.. am I the only one that cringes when I say that?

do you have a TALENT? do you tell anyone that you have a TALENT? do ya? do ya?

yes. I have a couple of TALENTS. I have the patience of JOB with children. (everyone but my own. hehehe) and I am a talented with a camera, (most of the time) see, I do it, I constantly qualify myself.

I just can't seem to be able to say.

I AM TALENTED. and shut up and leave it alone.

I hear compliments, but I really do not see the talent. I see all the mistakes, all the oops. I really do not see anything brilliant in my work. I sincerely find myself biting my tongue or changing the subject when people compliment my work because I sincerely do not see but 1 in 5000 shots that I love.