Do a Little Dance, Make a little Love, Get down tonight

got back on the scales, and booyah, back down to 263, where I was before the Carb-fest. feeling up, getting excited about trip. bought some new jammies, wheeee. if it is not comfort food, then it is comfort shopping. okay, so I have ISSUES. ;-) anyhing worth doing is worth doing to excess!

got my shower, washed my hair, read two books to Erik's class (kindergartners) and then off to the store for some supplies. low carb snacks for the plane.

KAtins Menu:
breakfast: chicken tenders, fried eggs, coffee, 8 oz of low carb milk like substance (severely diluted milk) to get the 'rotorooter' rocking
lunch: advantage bar, turkey sausage, wilted cabbage, water
dinner: yellow crook neck squash, zucchini, chicken tenders

exersize, tthhbb~

Some Relief

I actually feel better now that the rain has started. my head and body are sort of numb from the constant pain in the last 48 hours, but over all, the barametric pressure change and rain is a blessed relief.

I updated all my finances, have all my online accounts current. I will start packing for my trip, need to take all my marketing samples so that I can put together my 'plan'. I finally got my websites back up, the DNS redirected, all is looking good. need to log onto the portable and update everything, and back up some more images off from the desktop so that I have my images with me.

DD#2 is on the diet with me, having a hard time of it, but is going to try.

KAtkins Menu
breakfast: eggs, turkey sasauge, coffee
lunch; cod, asparagus, water
dinner

exersize:
not today, feels like my arches have fallen.

Aches & Pains

the weather is changing and I feel WRETCHED. my liver is throbbing, not enough water, my ankles are swollen, not enough water, and my overall condition is YUCKY. there must be a weather pattern coming in, every square inch below the head hurt until 6 pm and then that was NOTHING compared to the headache that came on! 4 Advil Gel's and a cup of water and vertical for 4 hours saved me.

KAtkins Menu:
breakfast: Atkins bar
lunch: turkey sausage links, eggs, picante sauce, coffee
2 Atkins bars
dinner: Vanilla Atkins Shake with 12 oz of crushed ice

Exersize:
walked around the park with the boys, taking photos

FAILURE!

I was fantastic for 13 days, and then I went out in PUBLIC and day one was a fudge, day to was a blatant fall from grace and would you believe that in those two days I gained back all that I had lost in 7 days?

I still feel wretched. my body is b#(%@ slapping me all day today. ewh. icky feeling.

sulking away to eat my fish, broccoli and romaine.

KATkins menu:
breakfast: 1 new york steak, 2 eggs, 1 coffee
lunch: chicken, ice berg letuce, tea
dinner: monk fish, broccoli, romaine hearts

Exersize:
Moping (pouting)

Back on the Wagon

while it was just bread and ice cream yesterday, if might as well have been meth and cocaine, the guilt is the same. today is remorse and a determination to find balance and harmony, in food consumption, in business development, in travel commitments, in all things.

going to take my camera and go out to the botanical gardens, and shoot for fun and find some inner peace. I may start scheduling more outings like this.

KAtkins Menu:
breakfast: scrambled eggs, coffee
lunch: boiled eggs, turkey, water
dinner: beef, broccoli

Exersize:
walked 3 miles s*l*o*w*l*y

bad bad bad bad bad bad grrl

very very difficult day. extremely high stress and emotionally charged.

solution: high carb intake. guilt, more carbs, guilt, more carbs, overwhelming urge to upchuck, and lots of remorse. back carb crash.

soul searching quest how to live in a carbfest world with giant portions and comfort food. dealing with resturants with huge portions, pushing the plate away during emotionally charged eating, making good choices when feeling emotionally vulnerable is going to be a hard challenge.

Solution: *ha* yeah, like I have a solution, tthhbbb~~ I do not have any answers, I am winging it and flying by the seat of my pants!

KAtins Menu:
breakfast: sun dried tomato bread, coffee
lunch: spinach salad with chicken, water
dinner: shrimp scampi, brocholi, cheese toast, ice tea, ice cream

Exersize:
walked some, sat some, moved some, took some photos

Wwheeeeeee

Super duper stressed, friends coming in from out of town, entertaining colleagues, lunches, dinners, lots of eating out, making a good impression. my heart is skipping a beat, I am maintaining my calm.

morning: shower, hair, breakfast, get the boy dressed and ready, make up an information packet for guest, gather up package for client to ship, run to Home Depot, rush to the airport. I would forget my head if it was not glued on!

afternoon: run through walmart for krys to pick up some different shoes, run to the tea room, closed, change of plans, find parking at alternate resturant, eat, window shop in Old Town Spring, run guest through Eskimo Hut (big giggle) run home, try to disengage the boy, he is freaking. run guest to motel, they messed up reservation, get everything settled. call to confirm dinner reservations.

evening: great dinner, 7 guests, just a great visit. absolutely best time talking shop about cameras and photography business. processes and procedures.

KAtkins menu:
breakfast: chicken tenders, eggs, picante sauce, coffee
lunch: salad, ice tea
dinner: chicken tenders, salad, grilled salmon, ice tea

exersize:
walked for 2 hours.

ME, Me, me, all about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

okay, so somedays it is and some days it is not. today, I was in a great mood, perky, chipper, had my breakfast, was still perky, chipper, did some cleaning in the office, decluttering mostly, a little printing, less chipper, less 'happy', less perky. now after being up for 3 hours, I am not perky or chipper. I am not hungry, so that is okay. I did some charting of where my weight is at (-12 lbs in 14 days, made a nice graph, printed and taped it up. THAT should make me happy, but it was only for a few minutes. now the jitters are kicking in. may have some chamomile tea to slow things down.

I have a TON of work, including putting together a display of 'who Barefoot Creations' really is. meeting with a colleague tomorrow for her insight. my heart is stressing about 'my business', I do not know WHO I am. I have lost my focus during this diet process. I spend too much time 'reflecting' and not enough time 'living'. I have to run to Home Depot to day to get parts to rebuild the toilets, EVERY FREAKING YEAR, I hate this, it is all the crap in the water, it destroys the toilets and I am sick of it.

before dinner, ran to walmart and got manicure, pedicure and face wax, feel very nice. ;) great experience and very relaxing.

KAtkins Menu:

• breakfast: eggs, medallion sirloin steak, mushrooms, onions, water, coffee
• lunch: turkey, romaine hearts, water
  
• dinner: turkey, broccoli, water
  

Exersize: lots of household chores.

Heart Flutters

I have been taking it easy this week, my inside house chores are keeping me pretty occupied, I am having a party here this weekend and so am doing the DEEP SPRING CLEANING, getting everything nice and clean, washing all the curtains, stuff like that.

I keep getting 'heart jitters' this week. tiny panic attacks, my mom recommended chamomile tea to calm me down. ;-) it is on my list of things to do if I can just convince myself to LEAVE the house. I went out Sunday, for an hour, but for the most part, I have not been out since last teusday. I just do not want to 'see' people right now, too hard on my nerves. I just think about it and I feel a horrible tingle go up my spine, and my heart starts beating irratically.

You know, for some reason, I look around and think that I am not doing enough, it takes me forever to get something done, but I just keep pushing and pushing and pushing, I got the kitchen done in 30 minutes today, I mean, REALLY!!! how can it take 30 minutes to empty and load the dishwasher, and wipe down the counters? gracious. I still need to vacuum the downstairs, but that shouldn't take too long. I did get my bed made, and the bathroom sinks scoured, but still, it just seems like a MONUMENTAL TASK UNDERTAKING to do that, I swear, I was so exhausted after dumping the bathroom trash from two bathrooms yesterday, you would have thought that I just did 3 hours of lawn work outside.

I HATE THIS FEELING!! Helpless and Hopeless. I had more energy 3 years ago before I started taking the drugs that the Dr prescribed for the lack of energy. now granted this second, I am probably suffering from not having had a coffee this morning with breakfast, so if I go done and make one of those, spend 30 minutes meditating (staring out the back window) I will be able to go another 2 hours. it is like that. lots of short relays, no long distance staying power.

KAtkins Menu:

• breakfast: sirloin steak, scrambled eggs, water, coffee
  
• lunch: pork loin, zuchini, water
  
• dinner: Lamb chops, steamed broccoli, smoked salmon
  

Exersize:
errands, shopping at costco, grocery shopping

Monday Madness

day 10 of Turbo Tykes Spring Break. he is dreading going back to school, but he is such a social creature. I puttered on the computer most of the day, or sitting in my chair staring out the window enjoying the peace from the green of spring. spend lots of time worrying about the business, my health, new projects about the house, and th upcoming activities the next 4 weeks.

KAtkins Menu:

• breakfast: eggs, medallion sirloin steak, coffee
• lunch: pork, mixed salad greens, mushrooms, hard boiled eggs, zucchini
• dinner: chicken, asparagus, water
  

Exersize: lots of household chores.

Porch Swing??

okay, mood swings again. left, right, up, down, feels like I am no a Teeter Totter. I was super tired, so I ate breakfast late, really felt neasiated this afternoon, so delayed lunch til dinner time, will pick up dinner before bedtime, but I just do not 'feel' great. my tongue feels like it has been rubbed with 80 grit sand paper. all the food tastes like cardboard and is as easy to chew as OSB (oriented strand board). this SUCKS. food should have flavor, taste like SOMETHING. the beef tastes like nothing, the pork tastes like nothing, the chicken tastes like soft nothing. blech.

I have no motivation for anything, I have cooked more in the last 8 days than I have in the last 8 months, and I do not enjoy cooking. I can not envision living like this for 6 months. I miss having food that actually tastes. now I am not one to drown my food in sauces, I never use steak sauce on my steaks, I never get dipping sauces for anything, just ask at the local Chick-fil-A, I don't even get katsup for my fries when I did get them. as Krys would say, everything taste's like ass.

KAtkins Menu:

• breakfast: eggs, medallion sirloin steak, coffee
• lunch: chicken strips, mushrooms, asparagus, italian seasoning, seasoning salt, ice mint tea
• dinner: cod, lemon pepper, slivered garlic, romaine hearts, ice mint tea

Exersize: my back is killing me, must have slept wrong.

Doldrums

I feel like a clipper ship floating in the doldrums, no wind filling my sails, just drifting around, waiting for the current or the wind to blow me back on course.

I puttered through the house, spot cleaning, dusting here, sweeping there. prodded the boys to clean up the toy room, more like screamed and yelled. they were testing my patience. fussing over the taxes, fussing over spring house 'project' and financing that. worrying over financing 1 trip to europe for BIL wedding (just dh and ds going) and financing three trips to washington (10 weeks total) as well as other projects, going to be an expensive year. I really need to get 'motivated' in the photography, course a phone call scheduling an appointment would help that.

KAtkins Menu:

• breakfast medallion sirloin steaks, eggs, picante sauce
• lunch: baked acorn squash, coffee
• dinner: baked acorn squash, stir fried chicken & green cabbage, ice tea, ice tea

Exersize:
tthhhbb~~

TGIF

I didnt call anyone yesterday, dd#2 came over and we watched a movie, how to lose a guy in 10 days, pretty funny. she wanted to negotiate an allowance for the next 6 months, ;-), pretty funny, you can not get them to do chores when they live at home, but now with her own house, working, supporting a dog, cat, and whatnot, she has had a come to jesus, and is back. snicker. not that this is any 'surpize', I did it when I was her age. nothing changes, the world keeps spinning.

I have a bunch of branches and dead vines in the back yard but I couldnt get her to start with that, she said it was to stickery. tthbb. I will tackle it today, I need to get 'outside' anyways and get some 'exersize', was going bike riding, but I am not up to that and the yard needs attention anyways.

My mood is okay today. had a rowl with the neighbor last night over water rights. I was rinsing a muslin backdrop that I had made/dyed. my hose was around back, hers was 'right there', suffice to say that she 'WIGGED' that I was using about 5 gallons of her water without permission. I offered $5 for her trouble. she screamed fine. I gave her $10, she wigged again. I swear. I ended up in a crying jag for the better part of the night. I would never in a million years begrudge anyone water, electricity, or anything if I had it. she said that I was incrediably rude not to walk over, knock and ask. I guess I was. but I should wouldn't want someone to 'bug me' when I am working or whatnot to ask for some water. gracious. just get it and be done with it. ;-)

Spring is definately here, beautiful 73'F and the leaves are out or near out on all the trees. I really want to get the yard spiffed up, and thereby increase my mood quotent. I just need some volunteers to 'help me', mostly it is the comensuration quotent that I need.

KAtkins menu:
breakfast: scrambled eggs, picante sauce, coffee
peppermint ice tea
lunch: fried cod with lemon pepper, sauteed brussel sprouts with salt & pepper
dinner: baked halibut, steamed yellow squash, steamed broccoli

Exersize:
for instance: today (1 hour of chores):
roll up old branches in back yard with twine, sit down until heart stops POUNDING in my throat twice during rolling.
drag branch roll to front yard for trash pick up, sit down until heart stops POUNDING in my throat.
break down canopy swing, into three pieces, haul from back yard to front yard for dd#2 to pick up, sit down until heart stops POUNDING in my throat BETWEEN EACH TRIP.
move 6 potted plants from back patio to side of house (under kitchen window), sit down until heart stops POUNDING in my throat between every two pots.

Jet Fuel

I am so 'down' I need some 'energy'. I do not 'bounce' out of bed, ready to take on the day. I sort of lumber. I have no motivation to work today. to find my socks or even to brush my hair. I am sure I will after a while. I wish I had a personal whatever to keep me 'up' or at least to make me breakfast, :-P

I think I will call one of my daughters 'friends' to come over and perk me up. Spring is here, everything is green and I just want to go back to sleep. blech. could be that I forgot to take my meds last night, so I took them this morning on an empty tummy, now I feel yucky.

I need a smile:

***WARNING***: the following joke does contain an adult theme.

Two friends, Fred and Harry were golfing one fine day. Toward the end of the golf course, Fred had hit his ball into the woods.
Harry, laughed and poked fun, but then somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods, just a few yards beyond where Fred has hit his. Fred looked for a long time, getting angrier every minute. Finally, in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups, he found his ball. Instead of just continuing the game, he took his club and thrashed every single buttercup in that patch smashing the weeds to pieces. All of a sudden, in a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?! Just for that, you won't have any butter for your popcorn the rest of your life... better still; you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life..... as a matter of fact, you won't have any butter for anything the rest of your life!" Then POOF!...she was gone. After Fred got a hold of himself, he hollered for his friend, "Harry!....Harry!...where are you?"

Harry yells, "I hit my ball in these damn pussywillows!"

Fred screams back....."DON'T SWING! FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T SWING!

KAtkins Menu:

• Breakfast: eggs, picante sauce, coffee
• Lunch: chicken strips, canola oil, green cabbage, seasoning salt, garlic powder, peppermint ice tea
• Dinner: pork loin with garlic powder & seasoning salt, brussel sprouts with salt & pepper, asparagus with soy sauce, romaine hearts, tuna

Exersize: bucket dyed a 15 yard muslin backdrop by hand, lots of housework

When to fish, When not to fish

fish for breakfast is not a good thing, esp smoked salmon, it bubbles up with each belch.. blech.
fish for dinner is not a good thing, it digests too fast and 2.5 hours later, your hungry again. grr
fish for lunch is pretty good. goes down easy, you know you have another meal in sight, life is good.

KAt-kins Daily Menu:

• Breakfast: eggs, picante sauce, butternut squash, Coffee
• Lunch: cod fillet, lemon pepper, canola oil, asparagus fried, cajun seasonings. peppermint decaf ice tea
• Dinner: pork loin, green cabbage, yellow squash

Exersize:
Peddled, pulling trailer to the market to get dinner fixin's, 4 miles.Walked 1 hour through costco, more self deprivation than exersize.

Icky feeling

food taste 'icky' I am so bored with the concept of what to eat, when to eat, how to prepare what to eat, when to eat, and what to eat. blech.

went with the kids to a deli for an meeting, just ordered water, I found my self feeling irritated that I had one option, grilled chicken salad. *sigh* this is not a picnic. I do not like this. I feel like sitting down, and banging my heels, making a fist and screaming my head off like a 2 year old.

breakfast was a little overkill, prepared 2x enough, went ahead and ate it since it was predominantly lettuce. lunch, I prepared a 1.5x enough and ate 1/2, so by dinner, I was not really interested, so I prepared 1x and ate the veggies and skipped the meat.

my stomach feels all knarly and icky.

KAtkins Menu:

• breakfast: romaine heart, yellow squash, celery, chicken, coffee, water
• lunch: surloin steak and grilled cauliflower
• dinner butternut squash and boneless center cut pork loin, water

Exersize:
daily chores

Over hill and dale

pushing one self is a PITA. I didnt want to keep a guest appointment at my house, so I opted to meet at the park. sounds good so far right? I thought, this would be a good time to 'get some exersize', it is only 1 mile away, I could peddle right? this idea is getting better and better right? well....

the kids always get hungry, so I pack them pbj, oranges, bananas, water. for me, I pack my katkins lunch, and off we go. first off, I am tired before we get out of the subdivision. once we are crossing the major thoroughfare, we nearly get clobbered by some SUV driving momma from hell, she actually passes me on the right, (I am keeping mini me between me and the curb in the turn lane, and turbo tyke is right behind me on his bike) and she screams at me that I am endangering my kids by taking them riding, HELLO, she is passing me and then cutting in front of me and TALKING to me when she is driving and I am peddling. then she just cuts me off, pulls right in front of me, and stops to turn, after all, I was IN HER WAY. I swear.

so we peddle along, make it to the park (like I said, it was one mile and all but .1 was on quiet side and back streets, and we set out our picnic lunch, the kids nibble, but run and play, my friend shows up and her kids run and play, it was great for the standard issue 25 minutes and then there is a sand altercation between my 6 yo and her 7 yo, so I rally them to pack and ride to the next park. about .5 miles away at the school. off we go. we have fun at that park for .5 hours and then, the 6 yo made the 7 yo upset about the 7 yo play gun. *sigh* pack up and I wanna to home, but I am begged, pleaded, cajoled to keep my plan of going to the grocery store 1.5 miles in the other direction. fine. we peddled to the friends house and the kids start terrorizing in a happy way. fine. I rest (breathing like a horse after running the Kentucky Derby) for .5 hours. then I leave my two off spring with her three off spring and I run to the store to get a few necessities, unlocking my bike, call the dh to say, I got the groceries. and he says, oh but you need to get x,y,z. FINE. I lock the bike back up, go back in and get them. back out, again, (I need the walking, right?) and peddle over the fetch offspring. sit down to catch my breath, AGAIN. and here comes 6 yo with garden hose (in March) drowning my 4 yo and her 4 yo. gracious. we rescue the toddlers, chastise the big kids, and change the kids into dry clothes, and start home. I huff, I puff, I blow my self home. 30 minutes to go 2 miles, but I am EXHAUSTED. 6 miles total. tthhbbb

KAtkins menu:

• breakfast; chicken breast, zuccini, green cabbage, coffee
• lunch: eggs, romain heart, celery, tuna in spring water, lemon water
• dinner: cast iron baked cod

exersize
6 miles on bike

KAtkins

I do not like green eggs and ham, I would rather eat pancakes and toast.
I do not like this, Sam I am
if someone gave me a cookie, I would eat it here or there, I would eat it ANYWHERE.

My stomach alternates between over sated, and just irritable, I am just not used to so much meat, for the last 4 years, I have had a diet of 6 oz of fish a week and 6 oz of chicken, now I have consumed more meat in 48 hours than I have in 48 days. ;-)
at times I find myself psychologically hungry, but know that my tummy is just barely digesting the last monster meat-fest. have had to include a couple of peptobismo tablets periodically to calm it down.
I am dealing with the carb-a-holic headache. pretty bad. the cup of coffee did not help. took a nap, avoided the headache for a couple of hours.

KAt-kins Daily Menu:

• Breakfast: New York Strip Steak, lemon pepper, garlic and onion salt, romaine heart. egg omlete, picante sauce, coffee
• Lunch: chicken breast, lemon pepper, zucchini, green cabbage, lemon water
• Dinner: cast iron seared boneless center cut pork loin seasoned with with cajun seasonings, 3 minute grilled zucchini and 1/4 head green cabbage chopped course and microwaved for 3 minutes. washed down with lemon water, 1 tablespoon per 20 oz of ice water.
• late night snack: 2 plain eggs, scrambled, 20 oz lemon water

Exersize:
Peddled, pulling trailer to the market to get dinner fixin's, 4 miles.
Walked 1 hour through costco, more self deprivation than exersize.

Next Chapter

Once more I find myself saying to myself;

This is IT, This time It will work, I have had ENOUGH.

This is the last diet, the last time. I do not know if I will succeed, but I have to try. I have been 'watching my weight' slowing bounce up and down, steadily climbing in 10lb increments since 1984, and after 22 years, I have found that I am hampered both physically as well as mentally by the shell out side of my soul.

KAt-kins Daily Menu:

• breakfast: baby spinache, eggs, smoked salmon, coffee
• lunch: steamed asparagus, boneless, chicken breast, cajun spices, organic chicken brothe, water
• dinner: Monkfish, baby spinach, broccoli, water, water
  

Exersize:
Peddled, with kids to the park, 2 miles.

Bring Me To Life

Music Video Code by Video Code Zone

Day one of Week from Hell

Doctor visit to see how I am doing. I am not doing well at all. my health is in a downward skid. the weight has skyrocketed. In October it was 242, in December it was 252, February 262, and now it has jumped to 275. Triglycerides are 239 H mg/dL out of a possible 0 - 149, NOT good, I am practically a SOLID. Cholesterol total: 220 out of a possible 100-199, the HDL is okay, 44 (40-59 range normal) and the LDL is (whoa) 128 (0 - 99) oops and VLDL is 48 (5 - 40) aslo not a good thing. rats.

other than that, nothing is wrong with me, even my blood pressure was great, 110/70. temperature perfect, 98.6. just feeling icky and stiff. and did I mention running hot or cold all the time. I either need a blanket or air conditioning on. ;)

I went back on Wednesday and that was not any better, and back on Friday and got the news that one more diet, lifestyle change, FINE. ;-(