Monday, April 28, 2008

less girl drama

distancing myself from the drama that the twins seem to stir up. my kids don't hate me. I have had to distance myself and stick to the rules. that was difficult. more so on me than them. most recent 'issue' was that dd#1 (the one that moved from Montana to Texas) (I loaned her $800 to get here, she has to work it off helping me out) she has been here for 2 months. she wanted to go back up to montana for the weekend so that she could 'pack' the rest of her stuff, to put in storage, not to move it down here yet, but the boyfriend is moving out of the house and in with his parents and after a few minutes of queries, I deducted that she wanted a bootie call. not that I blame her, but I am not paying for a bootie call. heehee she said that she only needed $500 for the plane ticket. I said no. she wondered if her sister would pay for it. I said if her sister had $500 she could pay me back darn it. she begged. she pleaded. she whined. she cajoled. I was pretty easy going about it. (she is bipolar and I do not like to make her cry, and she cries pretty easily) and finally after about two days of it, I lost my temper.

as a mom, most will understand that you can be pretty cheerful and calm about saying no without it being too painful. and then you get the TONE.

let me tell you about the TONE.

I had to use the TONE with my DH in January. and basically I freaked him, his mom, his dad, everyone out with the TONE. it is the "you just crossed the line, you just went into no mans land, and I have just now turned into the TERMINATOR" tone.

it is one of the most cold hearted suppressed rage low pitched monotone that will definitely convey that someone will die if someone does not get the hell away from me.

with dh:
he gave me the silent treatment for a week, fine with me, I do not play games. I ignored him. he decided to 'have a chat with me' I said that I had been thinking about it as well and I had decided that he needed to go back to norway and do not let the immigration door hit him in the @$$ on the way out. I was serious as a heart attack, I was ready to file for divorce and there would be no negotiation. he could have erik, I would keep magnus and he would pay $XXX child support and I had already modified my schedule to pay for the house payment and he could leave on the next flight and I was not kidding and he knew it. the fact that I was so unemotional I think is what scared him the most. He wisely took me seriously.

JAZZ on the other hand must have realized that I was serious, I explain to her in the same deadly cold tone that I was not shelling out another single penny to help another single soul in this family until after I had spent money to go see Naomi *(#3 daughter, living with autism) and that I had already denied her a visit for spring break in deference to #1 and #2 daughters "NEEDS" and that was a one time deal, and it would not happen again. Naomi Needs were Next and not negotiable. the discussion was closed, it was not brought up again and everyone is gliding under the radar.

I do not know why it has to get to that point. why everyone clamors, me, me, me, me until I get to the point that I have to turn into THAT type of person that I have to adopt that Persona of full out death biach.

anyways, all is quiet on the southern front. I am pushing myself hard on the boys schedule of events. finishing up chess club tournament (#4 of 5 is undefeated to date) #5 of 5 is just happy to move his pieces around on the board, (totally fine with me)

Scouts is supposedly winding down however, I have five meetings this week, so I really do not see it letting up yet. we might have a break in july/ august, but I doubt it.

we started swim team and so they have daily practice 5 days a week, meets on saturday.

oh get this.. I could just kill DH.. we could have a free family portait session with Doug Box, and a $200 credit towards our prints, DH says no, only wants me to do out family session (i set it up, and one of the girls fire the trigger) (AUGH) so the boys will pose for Dennis Craft on Wednesday in College station. just so frustrating, I want one of ME and the FAMILY.

okay, enough whining... yes, for those that are reading, my family is the poster family for dysfunctional. (rolling eyes) my dh is still trying to save the planet, refuses to get a new car (we have one car, a hybrid) and we are still hanging clothes out on the clothes line to save the environment, however, I did force him to get me a dishwasher on saturday, my hands are dying. I embarrassed the dickens out of him with my tirade to the salesman when the guy said 14 days, that it must be 72 hours or I was going to have to hurt someone. *sigh*

Thursday, April 24, 2008

My tummy has been so very unhappy lately

I am not sure what is going on with my tummy, if it needs to be reset or what.

I know that I do not eat what I should. but then again, I do eat less than most that are May Babies. so my volume is fine. maybe even less than most. as for stretched, there is no risk of that
. I do not think that I need the liquids to solids transition...

I most likely need to break the mint habit. I am sucking them down, well, like mints. ;) it is a breath thing from the high protein / low carb diet and ketone release. not to mention all the coffee that I am sucking down.

I am not sure what is up with all the dumping lately. I am still protein based, and I can dump on milk and cheerios (last night) and cream of wheat (two days ago) and yesterday, I dumped on a hard boiled egg before I even got my first cup of coffee. and you know that a hard boiled egg has no sugar in it. (dumped so bad that I passed out on the couch for 3 hours and 45 minutes). this morning I had two scrambled eggs and was fine.

so as for 'contribution' I guess I was just whining. I thought about it. I think that there is something different with my pouch, but I do not think that the 5 day would fix it. I think that I will just have to do a 5 day diet recall and figure out what is it that is causing my blood sugar to shoot up or down randomly.
I can usually fix a starvation blood sugar issue with two slices of american cheese, takes about as long to fix my shakes as it takes to eat it. cheese has 0 sugars,

the liquid lactose free milk that has 13 grams of sugar, and the cheerios have 2 g of sugar (22 grams of carbs) and THAT could have been enough to send me into lala land.. yet... I can down chocolate and candy like there is no tomorrow and have no reaction what so ever.

sweetened yogurt sends me spiraling... plain is tolerable.

I need to look more into the fact that at 24 months, it is a hole new ball game. btw.. anyone else getting a terrible little (no so little) muffin belly (looks like the top of a muffin that spills out of the top of the jeans)?

what is up with that? no place else. just my belly!

shar pei

that gave me the giggles.. that is the state and condition of parts of my body.

parts now are completely ballooning out like the michelin man


last night I ate a salad and puked and puked and puked... finally a 1/4 slice of un-chewed egg white came up and whew, what a relief that was. today was better.. pancake, salad, chicken, slice of pizza, more salad, small piece of bread stick, more pancake. very carby, but all treating me well.

I better go drinks some more. think I will make me a nice hot tea and a good movie.
yesterday was a pretty typical day:
breakfast was waffles that my 8 year old son made from scratch. I had 1 and then an hour later had a second one.

lunch was a protein bar (20 g of protein - 220 calories) and 1/2 and apple with p'butter

dinner was a bbq sandwich, three slices of watermelon, strawberries, blackberries, one slice of cantelope, handful of chips, 1.5 glasses of sweet tea and a small undercooked brownie

throw in some nuts through out the day and some propel and some chocolate covered raisins, and that was my day.

everything stayed down, and my overall gain was fine. sadly, I got on the scale this morning and it is up.

I can attribute that to:
AF just left
I am a chocoholic
I am severely dehydrated
I am a chocoholic

so goal this week... HYDRATE.. CHEW and HYDRATE.

my body has repositioned AGAIN. my breast bones are extremely protrusive but my belly is out there like I was 5 months pg. if I put on pants, I need a size 6 for my waist to fit comfortably, but a size 4 for my but to fit comfortably and seriously I could get a size 2 for my thighs on down. but that belly is killing me. and I am applying the yeast creme to my belly button to get rid of that smell.

Friday, April 18, 2008

school pictures.... *sigh*

Erik is such a big handsome young man.
Magnus is getting so much better at smiling for 'other' photographers.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Heart Palpitations

I do not know about ya'll but I would like to know what happened to my world.

I am still not done with my taxes and they have to be filed today.

I have a photoshoot in Tomball Texas for Jasmine's 5 year old class (she is a private school teacher there for St Anne's Catholic School (she moved from Montana to Texas in March 2008)

I have cub scouts at 6:30 pm, tonight is Den Photos (and I am the photographer) Erik's Den has run-ons (telling knock knock jokes) and Magnus' Den has Cheers.

I have a volunteer appreciation breakfast in the morning, and then I have my annual well woman in the after noon and a special client shoot after that at Vintage Park in the Evening.

the boys have scout fair on Saturday, we are in the middle of Chess Tournament and Erik is undefeated so far... even against 5th graders. he is skilled, but more effectively he is extremely confident player and is very intimidating (he would scare the crap out of me which is method of playing).

We recently went to a cubscout pack camp out at Brazos Bend State Park, went to the astronomy observatory, and next is the 'wolf' graduation and mother pinning ceremony tonight. They are already signed up for camp for June. which falls immediately after.

Swimming Team. Erik and Magnus both made the competition swimming team from the neighboring subdivision. They are now part of the Spring Creek Forest Sharks. they have practice 5 days a week for 1/2 -3/4 of an hour, and competition on Saturdays.

My photography business is still trudging along. but I seriously do not know how I find time to brush my teeth in the morning. out dishwasher went out in February, same weekend as the dryer, I have been to home depot and lowes, but can not find what I want, so we are washing by hand, and hanging to dry on the clothes line in the back yard. good news is that our power bill dropped $50 from same month last year, even with the price hike, so we are really probably saving closer to $75 with the economizing.

I am drinking more coffee than ever, and my heart is constantly racing with the stress. Erik's best friend spent the night last night, his mom went in the hospital this morning for a hysterectomy, I fell asleep watching New Amsterdam on Replay. There are just not enough hours in the day.

The grandbaby, is just getting so big, I can not believe it. I am constantly amazed at how fast it goes. his daddy is finishing up training in Missouri for the Marine Corp, his mom and his aunt are sharing a house in Tomball, Texas.

Monday, April 07, 2008

extremely short update

we went camping at brazos bend state park and saw alligators on the nature hike, and then the boys played flag football, erik was the running back and Magnus was a tackle.

the boys raced their homemade rocket ships made out of balsam wood, and rubber bands and propellers on fishing line, Magnus got second place for the whole tiger group (double elimination).

then the boys had astronomy lessons, and were able to go into the big telescope in a dome and see Saturn, and 5 moons, and the orion nebula, and the seven sisters, and the beehive, and polaris,

we had Red Hot Apples (brown sugar, red hots, in the core of an apple, wrapped in aluminum foil, and baked in the fire coals for 10 minutes) and gingerbread pudding (gingerbread and applesauce) in a dutch oven, smores, and wieners, and slept in the tent for two nights.

then yesterday, the boys tried out and made the swim team, they will be on the Spring Creek Forest Sharks. they have swim practice every day after school and once school is out, every morning, they have tournaments every Saturday until the fourth of July. they will be in the pool 6 days a week until the 4th of July.