Saturday, September 15, 2012

9 little monkeys

Bouncing on the bed, one fell of and bunked his head, Momma called the doctor and the doctor said:

No more monkeys bouncing on the bed

Sunday, September 09, 2012

Most Ferociously Determined

Where did that person go? She was right here just a second ago. I know she was. I started college as a single parent with two under 18 months. I finished 153 semester credit hours with minimal help from my family. I gutted it out with studying after the kids went to bed, giving up hours studying to go on camp outs with the family, or Easter in another state. but I did it. I finished.
what happened next? was it the three special needs children and countless hours in IEP and ARD meetings? Was it living up to my own expectations of excellence that I set as the gold bar of parenthood?
I have always believed that the children that I was blessed with were truly a gift from god. that they were hand picked to be raised and guided and protected by me. If they failed to reach a milestone, that was my personal failing, if they deviated from the course, I had not given them the right guidance. If they had a personal struggle, I was to listen, suggest, guide and direct. If they were not prepared for life, I had failed my calling. I always thought if I could just get them graduated from high school I would be 'done', a success, and my job complete. then I thought, well if we can get the grand baby to 1st birthday, I would be 'done', a success, and my job complete. then I thought, if we can just get through one miltary war zone deployment, I would be 'done', a success, and my job complete. then I thought, If I can just get them through a semester of college, I would be 'done', a success, and my job complete. then I thought, okay, if I could just get them through a divorce and the grandkids safe, the daughter on the way to a healthy place, I would be 'done', a success, and my job complete. then I thought, what if I do not survive all this? what about the fact that I am going deaf? what about the fact that I am going blind? what about the fact that I know I am not going to get out of this alive, but I was sure I would be around longer than this?  

I used to think that I could do all things if I just had someone that believed in me, truly thought that I was genius. It was a short lived fleeting dream. Eventually you discover that part of being human is that no matter what, you are not brilliant, you are not a genius and even if you are technically one, no one really cares, and more importantly, they really do not like the fact that you are one and are constantly looking for situations and examples to disprove that you really are anything more than just a little less than they are. a little less smart. a little less wise. a little less healthy. a little less responsible. a little less consistent. a little less pretty. they discover what you knew all along. you are old. ugly. fat. crazy. obsessive. fallible. human. anything to take away from the talents that you posses. I want to met the girl that was Most Ferociously Determined person again. I miss her.

Saturday, September 08, 2012

ButtCrack of Dawn

Friday, September 07, 2012

Little Buddy

Not every flower says love, but a rose can. Not every plant survives thirst, but a cactus can. 
Not every retard can read, but just look at you go, little buddy! I dont care if you lick windows or interfere with farm animals, you are fucking special to me. 
You hang in there cupcake, because you are my friend. Look at you smiling at the screen, you crayon eating bastard you!

Monday, September 03, 2012

Back On Track

Move to Lose:

Eat to Live:
20 oz propel
20 oz coffee
1 oz cheese stick

2 eggs
1 slice bacon
portabella mushroomsmozzarella cheese

sour cream

Sunday, September 02, 2012

Our Deepest Fear

Our Deepest Fear

by Marianne Williamsonfrom A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Saturday, September 01, 2012

September Resolutions

Move to Lose: Eat to Live: