Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Here's your Sign

I swear, I wonder sometimes at people. I had my son's 5th birthday party and invited some friends, it cooincided with my 1 month anniversary.

we were chatting about how I look (great) and how I feel (great) and how my pouch is limiting my food choices, not just quantity (totally shocking to them that you can exist on 3 ounces a day) and but content (no sweets and no fats) and they were just so many different reactions.

one woman was like well I could NEVER live without sweets, that can not be FOREVER can it? heehee she kept going on like I could change my mind and undo everything I have been working on for 4 months just because I can not eat the coconut pecan frosting off my sons german chocolate cake (I never ate the frosting before anyways) and she was getting so incredulous and finally asked my husband if I was really all that happy, he finally had to defend me, he said if you do not believe she is happy, look at her chart on the refridgerator, trust me, 50 lbs in 16 weeks, SHE IS HAPPY.

It continues to amaze me that people would continue to 'try to talk me out of the surgery' 4 weeks AFTER the FACT. I mean it is like:

[ ]

Sunday, June 25, 2006


picture courtesy of Erik (age 6), the boy has talent!

my husband and I are at odds as well sometimes, he is totally into following the surgeons orders to the L-E-T-T-E-R. well, I am all about loopholes.
yesterday, while I was out WITHOUT supervision (mind you, I am 40, a mother of 5 and a soon to be grandmother of 1) I had gasp

1/2 a pancake for breakfast, with blueberries and whipped cream.

and for lunch, you are not going to believe this, for lunch I had

4 corn chips with nacho cheese. I swear, you would think that I was going to instantaneously combust.

dinner was just a freaking risk of life and limb, a deep fried cheese stick. (OKAY, that was really a bad choice, puked that up in 10 minutes) but live and learn)

it is my body, it is my choice, and I will be the one that pays the consequences. not him, not you, not the doctor, and no one else is in the bathroom holding my hair back while I am heaving, so I am the one that lives and learns.

that being said, WOW, the scale is moving again (just past the 3 week plateau) and life is getting better. now I am totally excited, for my birthday, I plan to get me a really really nice set of wedding rings that will fit my currently chubby fingers. ;)

let me tell you about Skinny arsed Horse Eating People.... this guy

can out eat me. when he packs his lunch for work, he takes so much food, it IS the size of a small child. he has breakfast, takes a morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, and then when he gets home, he has a protein smoothie and then an INSENSIBLE dinner.

last night for dinner he had 6 or 7 plate size pancakes, the night before he had something like 32 ounces of vegetables, he couldn't get any more on his plate, it would have rolled off.

it has been absolute hell living with him. he says that it is all metabolism. ttthhhbbb. I have more jiggles and wiggles than a bowl of Jello -Shotz and he is loosing too much weight because he is adding 60 mile rides on Saturdays to his normal work week rides of 15 miles per day. I huff, I puff, I nearly die of dehydration doing 9 miles on Saturdays and 3 miles a day during the week.

let me scream: it is not fair!

Friday, June 16, 2006

little bites, lots of chewing

getting used to the 'rules' and finding 'loopholes' is my middle name. oh my aching tummy

dinner two nights ago, I woofed it down and got sick on my way to pick up krys in a rush

I was so sick for three hours. NEVER again.
I am so dehydrated today, every sip is just horrible on my tummy, I am sucking on popcicles, hopefully that will get some fluids in me.

I have my good days and I have my really bad days. good meals and really bad meals. I am learning a lot about me. I ate my dinner before sverre came home. some nice broccoli. He went to a lot of trouble to cook me perfect halibut fish dinner. and I told him that I had already ate. he measured out my portion, and left it on the counter. I should have walked away an left it, but I felt that it would be rude and I should have room. AUGH. I did not have room. I had to run Erik to a birthday party, I was sick for 3 hours. no amount of gas medicine would get the bubbles to go up, finally I started gagging and it came up in a napkin and I felt tons better. I think that the symethicone drops just got stuck in my esophogus. egads what an experience.

each day I have had one or two meals that were just horrible experiences. I have learned that 3/4 ounce is my limit, of anything. and while mint herbal tea worked well the first week, now it is just 'annoying' and I have raspberry herbal tea instead. this is just so complicated, do this, do that, meet this expecation, that expectation. what a pita. last night was bad dinner as well, I ate cauliflower and got HORRENDOUS gas bubbles in my tummy.

5:00 am: 20 oz water in 30 minutes, new worlds record
6:00 am: breakfast: 1 oz grilled chicken (slowly over 30 minutes)

horrible garbage mouth taste/smell- Ketosis. blech

Saturday, June 10, 2006


I am doing fantastic!

each day is a learning experience on what I can and can not eat, when and what I can eat together, but over all, it has been really really successful.

Thursday I got my staples out, that was not pleasant, but it is over now.

yesterday I took the boys for a walk, made it 2 miles and drank 24 oz of water, that was really good for me. I can usually drink 1/2 oz at a time, each 10 minutes.

today I was fortunate that sverre did not go on his 60 mile ride with his biking buddy, so we loaded up the water bottles, packed lunches, and set out. we stayed in the subdivisions, using a long greenbelt part of the way to get in 9.2 miles, the last 1 miles was the hardest for me. my
original goal was 8 miles and I should have stuck to that, but I went adventuring a little bit and had a harder time getting home.

started teaching the boys to stop and sip every mile, so that they do not get dehydrated. we saw turtles, blue heron, squirrels and a very nice playground.

I am going to rest the rest of the day, I consumed .25 oz of beef for breakfast and .5 oz of pork for brunch and .5 oz of pork for lunch, so I am not due for dinner for a few hours. total calorie intake this week has been ranging from 20 calories (Thursday - Tuesday) and 100 calories
the rest (Wednesday - Saturday). I will continue with a 100 calorie days for another month.

total loss since March 5th: 40 lbs.

9.2 miles is 1.2 miles too far

10 days post operation and feeling great.

Friday, June 09, 2006

10 days post op

Picture update, 10 lbs lost since surgery, 35 lbs lost so far.


today I was working on scanning all my film prints, 1977 through 2004, there are a BUTTLOAD of them.

I was doing great, finished 2004, 1/2 way through 2003, decided to get a wild hair up my butt and clean the glass of the scanner.

OOPs should have left well enough alone, now there is a strange blue / pink banding down the middle of the scans now.


sverre and I got into a grouchy fest this morning.

backstory: when I met and married him, he was a confirmed devout couch potato. today he dresses like lance armstrong and is an organic food fitness freak, 6% body fat! he is evil.

I asked him what changed from 1996 to 2006 and he got all pissy, "just because everyone I know never changes does not mean he cant change". HELLO
so i bite back, "no, I am fat, I want to know what motivated him, I would like some motivation, I would like a change"


he is such a total turd.

anyways, he is off to work, I am off to work, and the boys are doing the standard issue summer school break bickering all day.


jumping up and down

I just got on the scales

I am only 4 lbs over what I was when I got pregnant with Erik! I have just shed 7 years of weight in 3 months and 4 days

okay, I feel better today.

motivation? no longer necessarily.

clue: today I packed a lunch for me and the boys to go to the park

(presurgery lunch:

2 pbj sandwhiches
3 bananas
3 corn bread muffins
3 water bottles)


2 (1 oz) bags of pork chops
2 cliff bars
2 bags of gold fish
3 corn bread muffins
3 water bottles

now before, I could have easily had a nice snack and a lunch and been fine

drank 10 oz water (wait 1/2 hour)
I ate 1 1oz bag of pork chop (good) waited 1/2 hour
drank 10 oz water (wait 1/2 hour)
ate 1/2 cornbread muffin (uhoh)
take a sip of water to wash it down (oh crap)
wait 1/2 hour with baited breath that I have just split open my pouch (new stomach)
take a single tiny sip of water at home 1/2 hour after last food intake (OH HOLY FREAKING HELL)
in the bathroom neasiated at hell, no puking, but you know the horrible taste in your mouth when it is imminent?
damn damn damn



back to being a good girl

1oz meals, every 5 hours and no fluids 1/2 hour before or 1/2 hour after


Wednesday, June 07, 2006

WHO am I?

I wear many hats.

I am first and last and foremost a MOTHER. There is no hiding it, no sidestepping the issue, it us undeniable. Even before I had children, I was a mother, parenting my mother, parenting my baby sister, I have been the grown up since I was 8. I have five children, the youngest boys are 4 and 6, and the oldest girls are 15, 20, and 20. While the three older girls are out of the house, I am still talking to them every 48 hours or less.

Number 1 daughter was born with bipolar disorder and raising her has been a love/frustration, exasperating situation for the last 20 years, 8 months and 14 days.

Number 3 daughter was born with autism and she lives in her own little world most of the time, but occasionally I can coax her out back into our world and get some positive interaction with her. It has been easy to obsess over her and do everything to make her better, but eventually you have to stop giving one child 90%, and put things back in to balance. Balance is the key.

I am a mother hen, I am 'always there' to listen and advice. I rarely bail them out, I refuse to enable the helpless, but I know how hard it is transitioning into adulthood, so I nudge along the right path, not necessarily the popular one, but the best choices for each of them.

I am a STORYTELLER. I steal moments in time, I secret them away in albums in zip lock bags on shelves, on CD's and DVD's for some day I will combine them with the story that I am writing. I started writing MY STORY in 1999, and it is EXTENSIVE, about 250 chapters, some are only a single page while others are 50 pages long. I have completed 23 generations of our family tree, back to the year 600 AD, to be included in our family story. When it is done, it will be a serious of volumes I am sure. When it is done. I have not finished because I am so busy creating other families chapters on film, but my saga continues.

I am a WIFE, and yes, for some reason, that comes third, and I was fortunate enough to find a husband that is okay with that. granted, I had to order him off from in 1996, and I have threatened to sell him on several time since, but once the 'honeymoon' wears off, once the 'tweaking' and 'PS'ing' is done, and we run our filters and our gaussian blurs, we make a perfect match. He is a computer hacking techno nerd that reads and watches SciFi, is vegetarian eating, bike commuting, and 6% body fat weirdo. But he is mine and he is happy with me. (Shaking my head, definitely a weirdo).

And I am ME. I never got enough time in front of the camera when I was growing up. I was the child from the first marriage, and naturally there were some issues there. Through a lot of emotional and physical abuse, I eventually found my solace in staying behind the camera (since 1977) and having a chocolate brownie snack to make it all better. I have been pedaling my bicycle for 12 months now and living my life, sometimes with and sometimes without the camera, but living none the less.

However, at the age of 40, I have made a tremendously strong move to put me first. (A powerful statement in and of its own) I am taking back control of my life, I am putting me first, not the kids, not the camera, not the clients, not the husband. This year, it is all about ME! I went to a doctor in March, I went on a pretty severe diet, I lost 30 lbs, I went in last week and the doctor performed gastric bypass, and now I am on my way to lose the balance (100 lbs) and taking a long hard look at being here another 40 years to really make a difference in those lives that I touch. I have had as near as I can tell 5 near death experiences, and there must be a reason that I am here. There must be something that I have not done yet. A gift or talent that I have to perfect and share.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Slow Steady Progress

someone nearly got hurt yesterday, I am soooooo hungry. 1.5 ounces of broth 5 times a day equals 20 calories. AAUUGGGHHH.. so I had three bites of chicken, wow. it was so good, but my tummy ROILED for an hour afterwards. yikes. two more days, just two more days.

I am 6 days post op, and I am starving. I have a 1/4 cup measuring cup for my broth, and while the first day was a little 'difficult' and I could not drink the whole thing, I can easily slurp one down, 5 times a day. as for the water. gracious, it is murder getting it all in each day. I have two 24 ounce sports bottles that I fille up from filtered water room temperature and keep them with me, the goal is one bottle before 3 pm and the second one before midnight. it feels like a rock. I can only do 1/2 ounce sips at a time. I did however sneak in two baby bites of fish on friday and two bites of chicken last night and my tummy ROILED for over an hour, so I am back to clear liquid devotion for another day. I can not explain why my tummy can easily slurp down a bunch of broth/tea but not water and solids but that is what I am finding so far. and I am STARVING frequently throughout the day. not head hungry, but you can hear my tummy growling, and creaking and gurgling begging for food. ;) 20 calories a day for the last 5 days and I am losing a pound a day.

I am STRUGGLING with staying hydrated. it takes all day to get 40 ounces in each day. Sverre is trying to get more hydrated as well, he agrees, you really have to concentrate. He times himself on the bike, and takes a 2 ounce sip every mile. I can only take a .5 ounce sip, and so I have to do it every 10 minutes. it feels like a brick hitting my stomach. tea and broth at warm temperatures are much easier to tolerate.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Pushing Hard

my mom is a red head and very sensitive to pain, I am a brunette and you can nearly drive a fork through the back of my hand and I hardly flinch.

I have not had any pain meds since 10 pm last night, I think I might use one more tonight to make sure I sleep comfortably.

I do not have a draintube, that would freaking driving me NUTS. they put the iv at the point of my elbow, what IDIOTS, every time I closed my arm, the alarm went off. SO GLAD that is out and over!

I took a toasty hot shower and washed my hair yesterday, hmmhmm good, I put on a maternity dress today to go out, the elastic band from my shorts friday were wretched! I can not say that the dress worked much better today. or maybe it did. lets talk about a mom's ability to push too hard? today: I started out slow, and then my 4 year old invited me to go with him and the rest of the family shopping, so I got dressed. after all, no sense sitting home being a slug right? the doctor said walk more.

I have 1.5 oz of broth for lunch
1st stop: Target: walking time 20 minutes, I am spry, I can do it.
2nd stop: Costco: walking time 1 hour 15 minutes, bang the cart against my belly, I think I am spry, I think I can do it, I am now hungry
3rd stop: Play it again Sports: walking time 10 minutes, tried out an incline bike, bang my knee into my belly, try the ski machine, freaking cool, I am not spry, I am loosing my mind
4th stop: Bike Barn, I sit in the car, I am old and I am decrepid
5th stop: BusyBody Home Gym, I sit in the car, I recline the seat, I pretend that I am not dying, my belly is burning where the staples are
6th stop: HEB Grocery is totally aborted, I am cranky, irritable and have heard the 4 year old tell me 'RIGHT MOMMA' so many times, I just want to stop and get some duct tape for his mouth. I am now starving

I am now home, resting, got some broth, the boys are somewhere else and I am starting too feel a little normal again.
I did search all over the house to find my backpack from May 9th, has my auxilary hard drive and holy cow, an order from that day. now I know I am loosing my mind.

yep, I pushed too hard today. I am going to get a good night sleep tonigh, and start back to work tomorrow, very slowly. just going to offer 5 sessions for the month of June.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

rev up your engine with a little GAS

augh... they pumped a buttload of gas in my esophogus, my stomache pouch, my stomache, my upper intestines, gracious, where ever they could find to pump it. I had something blue dribbling out of my mouth for the 'seap test', great. thanks a lot. nearly as embarrassing as the something white for the 'barium test' these people are wicked.

so now, burp and fart, pick an exit and get it out. I still feel a little bloaty here and there, I think that it is overflow on the sensitive pouch, I am not sure, so far it is all liquids, so I thought that would just trickle on down stream or something. guess I am not 'sipping' slowly enough. whatever.

weaning myself off the elixir of love (tylenol 3 + codeine) Yummy. was every three hourse yesterday, today every 6 is doing the job. the staples are starting to get irritated, fortunately they only have 4 more days before they come out. feel like someone got a hold of a bosch staple gun from home depot and went freaking nuts on my belly!! 3 incisions with 5 staples each, and two with 3 staples each, that is a grand total of 21 flipping staples. HELLO? what ever happened to disolving stitches? what-ever!

so since cold water irritates the crap out of me right now, I switched to warm herbal tea without any sweetner, and got down two mega cups today. along with about a pint of broth, I am still hydrated, but not nearly enough. I am already getting anxious bout 'food food', wednesday is a loooonnnngg way away. I could do with some chewing. today I did do some chewing, and the spit it out, didnt need a repeat of the feeling friday with two bites of fish, that was not pleasant!

so when some guys asks if I spit or swallow, it is spit for now. HAHAHAHA

Friday, June 02, 2006

moving to lose?

I am home, and with a little help from liquid Tylenol with codeine, doing okay. yesterday was pretty bad, felt downright wretched. today I think is the turning point, feel like getting on the computer, first time since Wednesday, so you know I had to be pretty bad off to not even turn it on for two days. I am told as long as I keep moving around that I will get better, so that is what I am doing.

well today I rode my bicycle to the end of the block and back, when I could not find Magnus, I sent erik to get him, and erik ended up staying with him at a kid's house.

I got a shower, had a 1/4 cup of broth and now smell and feel better. ;) my spirits are pretty good. I guess the doctor was right, the sooner the mom is HOME the sooner she will get up and move and take care of the house and family. I picked up all the dirty laundry on the top floor and put it in the laundry room, and I cleaned the tv room where I am camping on the comfiest bed in the house, so I consider my 'house hold chores done' for the day.

KAtkins menu:

breakfast: vegetable broth
lunch: chicken broth
dinner: chicken broth

water, water, water