Monday, Monday.. so good to me

Gooooooooooooood Mooooooooooooooooorning. ;-)

couple of things this week. Saturday is my big EVENT day. I have rented a whole building, with fantastic parking, I have two confirmed appointments. I am sure I will get more this week. right? cross your fingers with me.

I plan to go out today and contact 10 daycares in a 5 mile radius and 10 tomorrow. offering them my services and inviting them to see me in action on Saturday.

I have 100 invitations post cards for Saturdays event that I will pass out this week. (I already passed out 133 invitations in October, so I just have to keep going!

big changes in our house this weekend. moved my office into the spare bedroom, with a nice tv to show my images. moved the boys out of the nursery and into the master suite, we are in the large bedroom not the suite, and moved the weight / work out room into the nursery. changed out the tv's, my husband upgraded to a 50" plasma so that I can show slide shows downstairs. I got his 33" flat screen (not a flat screen tv, but a flat screen old tube thingamabob, my 27" went to dd#2 and her 20" went to dd#1 and HER 13" will go to ds(offspring #4) trickle down economics alive and well in our house. ;)

so today I have some more cleaning to do, and then PICTURES!!! this is fantastic that it is DONE, my parents are coming for a couple of months in January, so getting it all done NOW is a good thing! I have to hem the new curtains in the downstairs 'batcave' and make some for the upstairs "nest'

the story about the 'batcave' and 'nest'

my husband is a nocturnal electronics junkie. sitting in a darkened room, hunched over a keyboard with a 19" monitor or slouched down on a black leather couch with the remote and a kickass surround sound is idea of BLISS. FINE. he has a computer that is dedicated to recording HD shows, he has another computer that is dedicated to his CD collection. (that is just insane) and he is able to make custom DVD's of the kids pbs shows and whatnot. FINE. he is happy. whatever. heehee

so I decided that I really need to get my own remote. I discovered that my stereo can be a receiver, kewl. I have SURROUND sound. I inherited his IPaq (music station) and can put MY MUSIC on it, I inherited his fake oak entertainment center and he got my crabby tv stand since his tv wont fit in the center. my ginormous speakers just barely fit in the center (these are so 1984 but way kewl! Sony speakers) I have my own replay, I have my own dvd and I have my own svideo vcr. I am in tall cotton.

I commadiered dd#2 bedroom after she moved out, and now it has my computer, a second entertainment center for scanner, files, office stuff, and my dvd collection, snicker giggle okay, I am turning into a electronic junkie as well. but I am totally happy with stuff that we bought in 1998, I do not need the latest and greatest. but now I can truly appreciate how nice it is to organize my 'nest' and then shut the door and not worry about the kids touchy touchy. now they never touch my stuff so much as they bring their stuff in and scatter, like legos, frustrates the dickens out of me when they have guns, legos, and army men on the floor in rooms other than the toy room. hopefully we are at a happy place right now. ;)

okay, breakfast is calling me. (I have been up for 2 hours, already have the upstairs SPOTLESS, and the downstairs just needs the floors vaccumed and the counters finished washed) whoo hoo!!!

as for my diet, down 1 pound. yippee.. I am 21 lbs from my goal, and 31 lbs from my husbands goal for me. which is a whole nother ISSUE.


FUNNY:
"She offered her honor, I honored her offer, and all night long I was on her and off her."

Food:

2 vitamins
B: 1 oz blueberries
3 oz cottage cheese

L: 1/8 cup garden salad with ranch
1/2 cup tomato with bean soup (olive garden)
24 oz ice tea with splenda

D: 1 oz chicken
.5 oz broccoli

S: 12 oz protein smoothie:

2 oz orange juice,
3 oz strawberry kefir,
2 cubes ice,
2 oz passion fruit isopure clear,
1 oz frozen blueberries

needed a frozen banana, but I was out.

Same Ol' Grunge

my first holiday session today was at 9:30 am, two parents, 3 kids under 6 years old. it was pretty good, took 2 hours, didnt get the 'family' one, but now I know better.

my next session is at 400, two parents and two kids. I have got to get this nailed down. I have 10 sessions next saturday.

drove out into the country and got a case of homemade jam for lunches (6 months supply)

eating my steak for lunch like a good girl.

Bah Hum Bug Indeed

62 days until christmas.

in my defense. I buy all the gifts for my 5 children. I buy all the gifts for my parents and my inlaws. I put up the tree, I decorate the house, I do all the baking. I do all the shopping for the dinner, I plan out the menu, come christmas morning, I put the big fat bird in the oven. I cooke everything that day from scratch, deviled eggs, glorified rice salad, candied yams, mashed potatoes, pepper gravy, cranberry stuffing, fresh homemade bread, I stuff the stockings, I make the home cooked breakfast (pancakes/hashbrowns/bacon/eggs)
when it comes to gifts. I usually get one from my parents (check for $35). one from his parents (re-gifted jewelry) and one from him (last year a book). usually I will get something from the dollar store from two of the kids.

THAT is MY christmas. it is excruciating difficult to keep 'giving' for the last 29 years, (yes, I have been IN CHARGE of christmas since I was 13 and still get excited, when I am THE ONLY ONE. they rip through the goodies, they play with the goodies, they gobble up the food and say thank you. but you know, it just doesnt 'give me pleasure' anymore.

just one year, I would like to have someone go gungho about the holiday for me. to treat me. to buy me a birthday cake (my birthday is 6 days before and so far I think my husband has bought me one special birthday cake in 10 years.

goodness gracious sakes alive.

I feel TONS better about what I ate

2 flintstones complete

B: 1 oz organic blueberries
2 oz organic cottage cheese

S: .5 oz belgium chocolate
17 oz talking rain SF sparkling water

L: 1 oz organic chicken
2 flintstones complete

D: 1 homemade norwegian waffle (6 in diameter) (eggs,milk,flour,baking soda, cardamon)

S: 3 oz organic sweet potatoes

Totals 303 cal
11 fat
30 carbs
21 protein

WLSerenity Prayer

I am finding that I am getting away with A LOT more today than I could three months ago.

now I know that honeymoon is not just 'my' honeymoon, but my pouch's honeymoon. today I sucked down a regular pop, I just know that blew my caloric intake limit.

repeat after me:
God? grant me the serenity to step away from the Carbs.
to accept that lean meats and leafy greens was my choice forever
the courage to call my carb sponsor when I feel the need to eat TWO hushpuppies from Long John Silvers the same day I sucked down a 20 oz RooT BeeR
and the wisdom to know that a 4 oz pouch can not hold 6 oz of chili, chips and cheese from Wendys!
amen

the Calm before the STORM

it will be 'quiet' at work for 10 days and then I will be GONE for a week... that is going to be insane!

I have 100 children, and 40 families scheduled over 4 days. I could quite possibly go stark raving mad!

the children should take 10 minutes each but the families are 30 minutes.. what a blessed nightmare.

as for me personally.

friday night I woofed down asparagus, didnt chew it properly, and barfed it up saturday night.

sunday night I was very good and left the house before the homemade pizza came out of the oven, and had a wendy's chili instead.

monday I had chicken fajita fixings without any carbs, i was such a good girl, after consuming a gargantuon bag of baked kettle potato chips.

today I was pretty good. cottage cheese, chili, chicken. but not enough fluids to keep a cockroach alive. but my CHILDREN are going to be the death of me, they are quite possibly the most needing creatures known to man.

one called, she needed $10 (she makes 100x more a month than I do, and she needed some sympathy that he hurt her leg horseback riding, and she needed some sympathy that she had a cold)

the other called, she needed a tank of gas, and she needed someone to help her cash her payroll check, and support her since she is quiting her job (4 years with the company, using her pregnancy as an excuse) and

the other other one is just being silly about her teeth not being as white as the new baby at daycare, and of course do not get me started on

the boys, I had to take one to chess club today and the other stayed home from school due to vomiting yesterday)

one of the things that I was thinking about today was that I checked online post weight loss support group all weekend and really didnt see anything that perked my interested to post too. and I was wondering, do I really need 'support' now that I know what I can and can not do, what I should and should not do, and whatnot. I did call my surgery buddy in wisconsin and got some 'support', so I would have to say, yes, I still need a buddy system. and maybe that was my issue, that I didnt see anything 'to me' in my 'in' box.

now I do not resort to snacking when I get sad from an empty in box, but I do see that I do miss having goodies in my inbox.

I noticed that when I post, everyone posts back, but when I do not post, no one posts to me (until now) no, this was not a blatant attention fishing expedition, just think that I am not alone, we all like warm fuzzies, course I am one of those really wierd people that get a giggle out of cold pricklies from time to time, just shows how warped I really am.

but *sigh* feedback feels good. feedback makes you feel part of the group. so I know that I still need to be on the 'list' to see how everyone else is doing, and share how I am doing. ;) now I do have serious issues with this new format on the board, 1/2 the time I can not even get on the board, I get error messages. that is frustrating as hell.

The Female of the Species

1911
When the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,
He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside.
But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

When Nag the basking cobra hears the careless foot of man,
He will sometimes wriggle sideways and avoid it if he can.
But his mate makes no such motion where she camps beside the trail.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

When the early Jesuit fathers preached to Hurons and Choctaws,
They prayed to be delivered from the vengeance of the squaws.
'Twas the women, not the warriors, turned those stark enthusiasts pale.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Man's timid heart is bursting with the things he must not say,
For the Woman that God gave him isn't his to give away;
But when hunter meets with husband, each confirms the other's tale --
The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Man, a bear in most relations-worm and savage otherwise, --
Man propounds negotiations, Man accepts the compromise.
Very rarely will he squarely push the logic of a fact
To its ultimate conclusion in unmitigated act.

Fear, or foolishness, impels him, ere he lay the wicked low,
To concede some form of trial even to his fiercest foe.
Mirth obscene diverts his anger --- Doubt and Pity oft perplex
Him in dealing with an issue -- to the scandal of The Sex!

But the Woman that God gave him, every fibre of her frame
Proves her launched for one sole issue, armed and engined for the same;
And to serve that single issue, lest the generations fail,
The female of the species must be deadlier than the male.

She who faces Death by torture for each life beneath her breast
May not deal in doubt or pity -- must not swerve for fact or jest.
These be purely male diversions -- not in these her honour dwells.
She the Other Law we live by, is that Law and nothing else.

She can bring no more to living than the powers that make her great
As the Mother of the Infant and the Mistress of the Mate.
And when Babe and Man are lacking and she strides unclaimed to claim
Her right as femme (and baron), her equipment is the same.

She is wedded to convictions -- in default of grosser ties;
Her contentions are her children, Heaven help him who denies! --
He will meet no suave discussion, but the instant, white-hot, wild,
Wakened female of the species warring as for spouse and child.

Unprovoked and awful charges -- even so the she-bear fights,
Speech that drips, corrodes, and poisons -- even so the cobra bites,
Scientific vivisection of one nerve till it is raw
And the victim writhes in anguish -- like the Jesuit with the squaw!

So it cames that Man, the coward, when he gathers to confer
With his fellow-braves in council, dare not leave a place for her
Where, at war with Life and Conscience, he uplifts his erring hands
To some God of Abstract Justice -- which no woman understands.

And Man knows it! Knows, moreover, that the Woman that God gave him
Must command but may not govern -- shall enthral but not enslave him.
And She knows, because She warns him, and Her instincts never fail,
That the Female of Her Species is more deadly than the Male.

Weigh In -101 lbs! (7 months 2 weeks)

Last week - 179lbs
This week - 174lbs
Total loss - 101lbs

I finally made it to the century club 'officially'

my highest weight was 285 in 2001, but I lost 40 lbs on my own, and gained back 30, so my official starting point was 275 in March 2006. I am not sure if I was more jazzed about the century club when I 'quietly' hit the 100 mark at 185 or today at 174.

either way, it is a lot of change for me. had a guy that is friends with my dh come over last night, he was talking about his weight loss (he has lost 20 lbs) and how he could relate to mine, being cold and whatnot without the extra lbs for insulation. I was 'very understanding' but in my head, I was thinking. 'bubba, you do not know squat about being cold, I am standing in houston texas with a wool sweater on that I bought in norway to keep from freezing to death, and your still packing an extra 60 lbs to keep your fanny warm) but I just smiled and nodded. he was so proud of himself for eating 1000 calories a day on his diet. he audiably gasped when I explained that I was eating 6 oz a day and 400 calories. he obviously was not ready for THAT kind of commitment.

squishy babies and icky tummy

work:
OMG... 21 babies on Tuesday, 29 toddlers today I am EXHAUSTED

the babies are from ages 8 weeks to 12 months
the toddlers are from 2 years to 4 years

krys was wiped out as well~

diet:
I throw up, not daily, but frequently. I never have a problem with making it to the restroom, so I am pretty discreet.

last night was a typical situation. breakfast was fine. same ol same ol

lunch was fine, same ol, same ol cottage cheese

dinner was fine, piece of pork chop,

then my daughter and I stopped in the mall and she got a chicken noodle soup. I had

1 noodle, and 1 piece of chicken.

1!

and within seconds, I knew that I was not going to keep it down. we walked out to the car, I felt wretched. we drove 17 miles towards her house, finally I had to pull over, and get out of the car and up came the noodle and the chicken.

I got back in the car, drove her home, and then went home myself, so about 45 minutes after the noodle and chicken, I was home and there was the REAL stomach content emptying session. and then I layed down, watched some tv, and felt fine.

this happens about three times a week, it seriously is no big deal. it is just something that happens, I try something that doesnt agree with me. teusday it was refried beans with jalepenoes. and it came back up. last week it was a deepfried mozzarella cheese stick.

mostly it is the pouch saying, no, bad choice, get it out of here!

need to schedule my blood work, I hate needles. I hate needles, I hate hate hate needles.

and did I make it clear

I HATE NEEDLES!

however, I get my labwork done every 90 days for the last 4 years and now it is to the point that I am okay, I am a quick poke, and with a good phlebotomist I am in and out.

my last results were 10x better than before surgery! whoohoo! I used to be the 'bad news bears' with my results. At one point my triglycerides were so bad 150+ they said that I was practically a solid! heehee now they are under 100.. it is good news.

You know when...

* I have a date" does not mean you're going out.
* You have baby food in the house and no baby.
* "I'm a loser" is a good thing.
* All of your silverware says Gerber.
* A wooden spoon isn't just for cooking.
* "Welcome to the other side" doesn't include death.
* New clothes fall off in a week.
* You get excited about hand me downs.
* The scale at Wal-Mart no longer says "one at a time please".
* Going bald and getting wrinkles is a good thing.
* "Just water for me please".
* Hitting the "Century Mark" is actually a good thing.
* You can be touched by an angel and still not be considered crazy.
* When your rear end no longer looks like a mudslide.
* When you get excited that your incision was "only 4 inches".
* When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club.
* Other women are calling you names behind your back.
* When you are glared at in the plus size department because you don't "belong there".
* When you really don't have a thing to wear.
* You have to prove you are the person on the drivers license.
* You start being in the pictures not behind the camera.
* You want to hug everyone fat and hand them your surgeon's card.
* You are never parted from a bottle of water
* When you order a doggy bag at the same time as your meal.
* Being too small for your britches.
* When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up, position them with your bra and secure with a ponytail holder.
* When you go pick up your child at school and all the other kids say WOW you're mom is hot.
* When you go to the mall and take the first available space instead of circling 20 minutes for one closer to the door.
* You truly are a "cheap date".
* When one drink makes you flipping floozy!
* When you run to the door and don't hear a flapping sound.
* You flip your shirt to show complete strangers your scar.
* Vitamins feel like a meal.
* You go from a 56DDDD to 32AAA in a year and didn't have a breast reduction.
* You've just lost 100 lbs and run into a high school friend who asks "did you change your hair?"
* You can cross your legs... both of them
* Instead of a Wonder Bra you need a Wonder Where They Went Bra
* When your obsession from food turns to your scale.
* They no longer call 911 for the Jaws of life to extricate you from a turnstile.
* No more Velcro shoes
* Tongs are no longer to fry chicken.
* "Checking for leaks" no longer includes your panties
* When your Stairmaster is no longer used for drying your fine washables
* Your mother says "You don't eat enough"
* When your doctor looks you in the eye and says "I know you will have success with this."
* Having sex your husband complains that your hip bones are poking him.
* You can wear corduroy pants without igniting a fire
* When you wave and your upper arms wave back
* You safety pin your underwear
* Someone phones and thinks your husband is sneaking around with some skinny mistress
* Cannot blame the cat for shedding
* Cancel your Lane Bryant Credit Card
* 3 Lean Cuisines a week and that's your total grocery purchase
* The kids wonder what happened to the cake and cookie god...did he die???

Happy Dance

food:
breakfast: 1/8th protein bar, 1/5 waffle
lunch: Yankee Stew
dinner: halibut

drinks:
water
crystal light
water

exersize:
grocery shopping

work:
processed three large orders, one with 19 images, one with 2 images, and one with 5 images and two collages. I feel good. I feel confident.

I set up a hikey in my garage and I am going to master it, doing better each time I work on it. gives me the giggles. I still need to promote myself to the daycares, but this is important work as well. better lighting, better photography, better person. have to make a list of goals for next week.

weight: 176 lbs... AF is here again, so I am bloated, will be more confident of my weight next week when this is over. should see another monster slide down the scales.

Monthly Doctor weigh in- checking progress

I went to the doctor today (Monthly) and weighed on the fancy smancy scales. those are soo kewl

here are the stats a day early:
......9/13--------->10/12
lbs: 189--------->178
BMI: 29.6-------->27.9
fat%: 37.6------->34.4%
fat mass: 71lb---->61lb (YEAH!! Nearly ALL FAT very little MUSCLE LOSS!!!)

I lost 1 lb of muscle and 10 lbs of fat

fat mass: goal <60.5 lb so I am .5 lb of fat away from 'high-normal' for a woman of 40 and 5ft 7in.

naturally YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY, but this was a good for me, the expectations were 2.5 lbs a week, and I did 2.75 lbs a week. still moving down the slide.

Pride in Myself, Pride in My accomplishments

having surgery was selfish and totally about me, and totally about time. As mom's we really do not give ourself permission enough to do something that is JUST FOR US for such an extended period of time. it is really hard to say, "No, I can not run and do whatever for you, I am doing this for me". what is really wierd is that my family are totally supportive. "okay, so you can not do it now, how long before you can do it? 20-30 minutes. fine, I can wait." the whole freaking world does not go off orbit when I do not drop everything for them. it is so surreal.

today was not a stellar day for fluids, about 20 oz total so far
food was strange, cottage cheese okay, protein shake (gag) tomato soup (enh) 1/4 hard boiled egg, (double enh) and 1/4 grill cheese on whole wheat) (augh).
I ended up HUNGRY but knowing there was no room about 1 hour after dinner, started chewing on my nails a lot lately. not sure what is up with that. stress yes, but from what? do not know. Happier now than in YEARS, so will need to do some more research on that. could be the 'drama' shows that I am watching that are stressing me out, do not know.

frustrated as all get out with my website host, site has been down for 11 days, today I had to forward all my sites to a different site, and that is totally bugging my email. now I have to go fix that!

Queen Worrier

:=)

since you are just dying to know, I will talk about ME

since it is all about ME!

hehehe

it is october right? why is it 90+ degrees here daily? too freaking wierd.

it is october, so everyone is starting to think about family photos for christmas, I am not getting as many calls as I would like. grrr some, but not nearly enough.

my tummy is rumbly still. not handling foods with all the stress very well. I went from 180 in 1990 with naomi to 285 in 2001 with magnus down to 242 in 2005 on my own and back up to 275 by march 2006 and now with the limited intake, the limited absorbtion I am down to........


drum roll please.......

177 lbs. 1989 weight... I can say that I am happy, nervous, thrilled, scared, happy, and overwhelmed. now that I am down this far, what if it doesnt stop. what if I end up like some that get down to 115 and struggle to just maintain at that? it seems like a dream when you fighting the first 100 lbs, but it could happen when your get to this point. I still loose 3.6 lbs a week, I am not exersizing, I am not restricting my diet by content, I am eating carbs and stuff. but I am not slowing down. for now, one thing at at time, to get down another 27 lbs, but naturally I am a worrier. I am not happy if I am not worrying.

Four Agreements

* Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

* Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

* Don’t Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

* Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

I am Happy today

gracious, every once in a while, totally unrelated to PMS, I turn into a pathological-psychopath (wonder if that is a real Dx). I do not know exactly what started it, but I am guessing finding out that I was 'fished' and 'sniped' by my auto insurance regarding my homeowners insurance. I know that it started a week ago friday, and today, day 8, I woke up and it went away. two days after I finally confessed to my husband of the blunder. (I even called my bank to make sure that I was not being "phished' and "sniped" and they concured that it was ligitimate, but on the day that the check for $1488.00 was to go out, I called and double checked with a third party, and found out that my initial instinct was correct, it was a scam and I was pretty unhappy.

completely going nuts over our finances, the stress of the monthly payments for this business ($550/month) and trying to market for the fall / winter and make enough money to make ends meet. and my electronic junkie husband going COMPLETELY ape(fecal material) and making some choices that I do not feel comfortable with (he shops at Circuit City and BestBuy, I shop at Goodwill and Salvation Army)

because of all that tormoil that has been going on since august 20th, (spending $1500 in fixing a bathroom, doing all the work myself, to get inspected for this insurance, paying $100 for the inspection for this insurance) had my tummy so upset that every day, I would eat, but by bedtime I threw it all back up due to nerves.

now ignoring all that brewhaha, I am happy today. which says a lot, most days I am NOT happy. as a matter of fact, god seems to have my periods completely backwards, because I am only happy once a month, and it lasts about a weekend. ;-)

today I was a 'dynamo' I was getting my holiday prices fine tuned (COGS=10%) getting my price cards printed out to go with my displays (THIS IS SO TOTALLY ROCKING!, getting my display completely jammin! I am loving it. getting my fall Limited Edition and my Christmas Limited Edition put together. I am just screamingly happy. no there are no photos yet, but by thursday, my orders from aci should be here and then I can post the results.

but I just wanted to share that I am happy.

The Devil

You Are The Devil

You don't represent evil, but you do represent the animalistic side of humans. You demonstrate what happens when we listen to our first instincts. At times you tend to be materialistic and hedonistic, giving in to temptation. Admit it, you're guilty of acting first - and forgetting to think later! Your fortune: Right now, you may be having a difficult time as a result of choices you have made. You need to think about what's important in your life, and discover what chains you down. It is the time to acknowledge your faults and take steps to overcome them. It's also the time to let go of any fears or inhibitions that are holding you back.

What Tarot Card Are You?

The Tube

oh, this totally ROCKS.

for those that watched MTV in 1982/83 and miss the totally purity of it.

THE TUBE we actually get this on our tv! on channel KHCW 39 (The CW) DT2 which is a subchannel of 39, available with HD signal. I watched about 4 hours last night and it totally rocked!

no commercials. no advertising. no reality shows. no award shows. no game shows. just music. how radical an idea is that?

Rocking Out

Fitday

what did I eat today?
today (I am 4 months 4 days post surgery) I had:

3 oz cottage cheese
7 oz 1% chocolate milk
1 oz blueberries

2 oz deli chicken

2 snicker doodle cookies

2 oz zucchini
20 oz zipfizz

lets see what fit day says about me?
Total: 429 calories
Fat: 13 grams
Sat: 04 grams (increases LDL)
Poly: 03 grams (lowers LDL)
Mono: 05 grams (lowers LDL)
Trans: 00 grams (good good good)
Carbs: 46 grams (bad bad bad)
Fiber: 02 grams
Protein: 33 grams

while the cookies are not part of the program and are definately not going to help me reach my goal, Iwould say that fitday is honest with me. yes, my calories are good, but my carbs and fat need some attention. tomorrow I need to reduce the cookies, increase the fiber, and I will balance out. and my scale will reflect it by dropping. (which it did not do today) it just reaffirmed with fitday that snickerdoodles are not LEAN MEATS nor are they LEAFY GREEN VEGETABLES. hehehehe

Back to the Drawing board

four months ago, I was just starting out, now I am back to having issues.

eat this and get sick
bend here and get sick, it sucks

today was a normal day, other than not getting enough fluids. tried to get some an hour after dinner, and threw up dinner. that stinks.

friday it started:
but I think that I may have something benign:

about 4 days ago, I started nibbing on fried pork rinds. a little high on the sodium chart, but not too bad.

about 3 days ago, I was low on my fluids that day, about 20 oz total,

same day I had some corn on the cob after dinner. not a lot, but enough to give me a REACTION of the nature.

at that point, I do not know what contributed to the problem, I thought that it was some or all of the above. but

later that night, HOLY CRUD. my stomache started hurting, right underneath the incision point for my pouch, it felt like it was on fire.

I drank 24 oz of chamomile tea and felt better as long as I didnt move. anytime I stretch, bend, or twist, a SHARP pain happens.

the next day I baked like a mad woman, no ill effects, but if I bent over, smooshing that area, a SHARP pain happens. I was low on fluids again, but by the end of the day, I had gotten in another 24 oz of chamomile tea.

today, I am doing okay on the fluids, the pain is still bothering me but only when I am laying down, reach over and stretch some muscles.

I am concerned that it could be gallbladder, or acid reflux, or torn ligament, or gawdknowswhat.

I have not been 'religious' about my actigall, I am still on my 3rd Rx, and I got it filled in August, so I am at less than 50% success rate of remembering the stuff.

the 'trigger' was the corn, I was so sick from that and just feeling icky ever since, but no fever, so no infection.

I think that I am leaning more towards a hernia or ulcer, but mostly hernia. I can feel a little lump right under the incision scar, that would be right at the pouch area.

either way, I am going to call on monday and let the expert have a go at it. no nausea, which is a good thing, I have been drinking 2x my normal amounts of chamomile tea which has been kinder, if not helping anything.

I hate second guessing every single little twinge that my body makes, it would seem that 4 months post op, I would be out of the woods by now, but there seems to be new 'issues' cropping up. I did call, they will not see me until friday. I am to call tuesday and give the nurse and update.

I was not even going to call, it was getting better, and then I was crawling under my desk and HOLY GUACAMOLE, I pulled something and I was in tears it hurt so bad, I revised my plan and called after I got my breath back.

they can not get me in until friday, so I guess it is not life threatening. the rest of today was okay, I sat in my chair and did not move. ;) until dinner time. I ate my dinner. waited 50 minutes took two drinks from my bottle, and it all came right back up, waited for an hour, and got down 8 oz of chamomile tea. what a PITA. this is a routine that I could live without.

Did I move today?
sure I did, I moved out of the bed to the toilet
I moved out of the toilet to the kitchen for breakfast
I moved out of the kitchen to the office
I moved out of the office to the living room for lunch
I moved out of the living room to the office
I moved out of the office to the kitchen for dinner
I moved out of the kitchen back to the office to check in here
I moved all day long!

extra skin:
yes, right now my body looks like a puddle of silly puddy in the hot summer sun.

i sit and my legs puddle over the seat, I can see the bones and some muscles and the skin is just puddling

it is like melted popcicles. but I ignore my arms and legs, i put on short sleeve shirts and shorts and I just face the day. my belly fat is the most improved by inches and still the most troublesome area, it is still a big fat belly. I do not care, honestly.

my heart is healthy and not trying to push all that blood all over the place. I am just going to ignore the skin and keep on living.

my plan is more moisturizers to help with the elasticity of the skin, right now my skin is so dry.

Food:
B: Cottage Cheese & Blueberries
L: Wendy's Chili
D: Chicken & Tomato

Liquids:
4 oz water
7 oz chocolate milk
9 oz SF on the go
7 oz chocolate milk
9 oz of Chamomile tea
36 oz.. not good.

LOL

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place:

First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him."You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?"

Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or Sex" and she said,"Wear sun-block."

teehee

You're Totally Sarcastic

You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny. Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it. And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitutde, then too bad. So sad.

How Sarcastic Are You?

Hey that is me

1. Imagine you're single and have signed up for a new dating / networking site. How do you describe yourself?
HONEST & UPBEAT

2. If someone were to call you a contradiction, it's probably because you're:
HELPFUL YET MILDLY CRUEL

3. Your last relationship ended because:
YOU FOUGHT TOO MUCH

4. Finally, what trait do you find most attractive in a lover?
A POETIC SOUL

You Should Be A Sagittarius

What's good about you: bold and adventure loving, life is one big party for you What's bad about you: you don't think before speaking - and you often regret it! In love: you're flirtatiously playful, but you never play games In friendship, you're: the one who keeps everyone laughing Your ideal job: fortune teller, philosopher, or athlete Your sense of fashion: your own mix of vintage and new pieces You like to pig out on: anything you haven't tried before

What Sign Should You Be?

Goals

Every action you take today will either move you closer to your chosen goal or farther away from it. There's something you intend to achieve, and the way to achieve it is through action.

There is a very real connection between the things you do and the outcomes you experience. Keep that in mind as you go through the day.

Keep that in mind as you decide how to spend your time. Keep that in mind as you control you own thoughts and actions.

Connect your goals to your actions and you will reach those goals.

Focus on the outcome of what you're doing, moment by moment. You can choose to just get through the day, or you can decide to make it count and to move yourself forward.

There is a road that runs from where you are right now to the fulfillment of the goals you have chosen. As you go through this day, stay on that road. Keep the connection strong. Take the actions that will move you ahead.

So today I set some goals and a plan of action to meet those goals. starting the entire process with prayer, since I can not do it alone.

JUMPING IN OVER MY HEAD

okay, now I have to deal with as the body shrinks, the confidence is swelling. Ihave been a professional photographer since 2002. but today I finally made a decision to do a BIG PUBLIC EVENT. I am pulling out all the stops, and just going to go for the GOLD. renting a building, advertising, publicity. a community event benefiting my favorite charity. I did it and I am hyperventilating. I am so totally hyperventilating.

and then I sit back and say "oh shit, oh shit, oh shit" I know that this really builds a customer base, I will have displays of my target audience. a Toddler table and a Family table and a Senior table with 'brochures'

I will need to have another nother table for processing orders

and a truck to collect the donations. I am going to treat it like a 'trade show' with my information.

so far I have one daycare that is volunteering to send home flyers in the kids napsacks, I need to print posters to put in local businesses and get it in the subdivision newsletters.

oh nuts, here I go again, hyperventilating!

I just rented a building for the day, it has parking and a fireplace and plenty of room and I am going to do a charity fundraiser for my favorite charity, for the session fee part, and sell portraits for christmas including christmas cards and promoting my business but I swear, my heart is in my throat and I would like to crawl back under a rock!

I already have three people that are excited and want to come as customers, help out by promoting the event, I am going to need some help, but mostly,

"oh shit, oh shit, oh shit"

my heart is going to explode in my chest. here is my start of my advertising campaign

(breath, I just have to breath!)

I did think about the local papers and the newletters for each of the local subdivisions.

renting the Municipal Utilities District building which is very centrally located to everyone in our neighborhoods.

it has a huge room (18'x30') with a fireplace, (8) 5ft tables and 38 chairs if I wanted to have a baby shower / bridal shower ;-) for a community event it is free, but for a business event it is $50 for the day, and with parking alone, it is SO WORTH THAT. I would assume that there are community rooms in each town that can be rented for the day. she said that she has pampered chef parties and creative memories that rent it as well to sell stuff. everyone takes turns.

I have talked to another 'nother mom and she wants to distribute flyers for the private school that her kids attend that is going to just rock my world! what if I become so busy from this that I just loose my mind? it is earie to think that I have been coasting under the radar for so long and now I feel like I am taking the plunge.

I DO NOT DO BUNGE JUMPING for this very reason

I would never have done anything like this 90 lbs ago. I was the type that would have small house parties and be sad that only 1 family would show up. now I am planning on inviting 30 families for the day.

part of my fears is that if I make a mistake, then I will completely ruin my credibility and since I am already 'faking it' as it is, hehehe I worry, a lot.

everything up until now has been a learning experience.

the big day is November 4. I am barely sleeping now that I have made the decision, I think that I am in way over my head. I didnt get to sleep until 1 am and here it is 7 am and I am back up!

I think I have to do something all or nothing, because if I do small steps, I never follow through. if I go emersion in a baptism by fire, I either sink or swim, must be a personality trait. ;)

in the past 15 years, as my pounds went up, my social skills went down.

this event is a photography event where the session fees will be a donation to my favorite local charity.

while my personality is changing, and I am more 'public' I am still horrible about nitpicking something like this. I edited this layout about 800 times and I am still to totally convinced that it is 'ready' to be printed. hehehe

today I fussed over the promotional pieces. I think I finally am 'content with the layout' have sent off a TEST print (100 post cards) to see if I like them, just do not know if I can wait until they come back to take the plunge. may need to speed up my terjectory (sp?)

but I told my husband, I have been piddling around for three years, I really need to DIVE IN, and he said I dont see why the hell not, you have already spent the money on the equipment, you have nothing to lose.

it was a profound statement. I already made the financial investment, but I have not 'put myself out there' and risked anything EMOTIONALLY. I must be the only recovering fat person that has felt like this. 6 months ago I discovered that I am an emotional eater. today I discovered that I am (can not even think of the word for timid/shy/nervous person)......

My entire life, my whole existance I have hidden behind an extroverted personality and sunny smile. no one knew that inside my stomache was like a blender with a live gold fish in it. ;) just anxiously waiting for someone to flip the switch and have gold fish smoothie.

even now, I am hourly hyperventilating about doing such a public project. talk about falling on my face. it could be such a fiasco. or it could be such a FLOP. that would be just as bad. sitting there with NO ONE SHOWING UP. gawd the stress, the pressure, the humiliation. I do not know which is worse, demonstrating that I am unqualified or demonstrating that I have no friends/clients to show up. hehehe (<- very nervious giggle) but see. that is WHY I AM HERE. WHY I was OB. I just do not have a chocolate chip cookie to get me through this anymore! and really I am tired. I was having a hard day today. so frustrated with this process. The part that is hard, is that I am getting TIRED. you know, when you run and run and run and run, after awhile, you just get tired. I am tired of the 'work' and I am tired of the stress, and I am just tired. I do not want to 'worry' about what I eat, I just want to eat what sounds good. Yesterday I had a salad for lunch, and a salad for dinner. Because it sounded good. I did not get in all that protein, and all the other stuff. It is just so exhausting to 'work' on eating for so long. I do not care if I loose another pound, I just want to take a break. back to thinking about my project, here is what I did first. secured the location. (check) talk to some 'reps', people that know me and felt out the 'reaction' to my packages, my prices, my charity speel, and then they inturn want,,, WANT to promote it at thier respective schools (1 private school, 2 daycares) then I spent last night designing the 5x7 flyer that will go home with the kids and the 11x14 poster that will be up in local businesses. I estimate that I will have 30 slots for portraits, if I have less call, great - if I have more, I am going to be going freaking nuts! ;-) but I am already thinking that I will just have to open up another day if that happens. maybe do friday and sunday. as for logistics, how can I DO this. I have 2 -2 gig cards, so I could have a computer and download and have someone proof and sell. and just swap out cards because it has been my experience that these things are more productive with immediate results. maybe I need to just switch to JPG Fine for this type of event, I do not know... just so many 'variables'. keep the quality up, keep the speed up, keep the distractions down. however, if I do not try, I will never learn.

here is my email flyer:

and the postcard that is going to the printers is done.>

If I Were a Butterfly

If I were a butterfly, I'd thank the Lord for giving me wings.

If I were a robin in a tree, I'd thank the Lord that I could sing.

And if I were a fuzzy-wuzzy bear, I'd thank the Lord for my fuzzy-wuzzy hair.

But I'm just thanking you, God, for making me me!

Oh, the Lord is good to me, and so I thank the Lord, For giving me

the things I need, the sun and the rain and the appleseed.

The Lord is good to me.

shrinking booty and shrinking boobies

I have been slowly adding new stuff into my closet, I know that it is useless to get too much since I change sizes every month.

today I finally said HEY time to measure for the big investment. the bra. (sorry guys) GOODNESS GRACIOUS.

and HOLY COW

and did I mention GOODNESS gracious?

I went from a 42 down to a 35 band size... from a DDD down to a C.

I was only going to get two new ones for now. but I am just flabbergasted.

this is on top of the panties going from a size 8 to a size 5. it is wow moments that is for sure, and my family are now going, are you done yet? isnt a 5 tiny enough? do you really need to go down anymore?

Music Video:I SEE YOU BABY (by Groove Armada)

Music Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

I can not help it, my body is doing what it is doing. so what if I go down to a 32C and a size 4? it is not like it is a bad thing, they really were so used to a fluffy 'MOM' they just can not envision a skinny minnie. I know they 'support' me, want the best for me. but I can see that the closer I get to my mom and grandma's size, the less my fluffy (185 lb and 199 lb) girls are comfortable with my body changing. I think that they look at it as , well, now there is no one that they can 'identify' with as a biological excuse for being fluffy.

so my wow moments are recieving mixed reviews. all my 'friends' are just estatic at my progress. but then most of them are reed thin. ;)

as for my dailies:
AM vitamins: In
meds: In
breakfast: cottage cheese & blueberries: In
Fluids: 17 oz coffee, going down
lunch: beef & broccoli
Fluids: 17 oz tea
PM vitamins:
dinner: cod & romaine salad
Fluids: 17 oz tea

exersize- 2 miles on my bike & a chocolate chip cookie

work:
Monday goals for the week:

1. create 5x7 flip books for my preschool kids for proof sessions
2. FINISH 8.5x11 preschool brochure
3. 6 (5x6) collage cards - 1 layout for each of my 6 limited edition sets
4. design 8.5x5.5 of daycare deluxe holiday session booklet
5. create a 'trade show' booth with new table and columns
6. print 16x20 sample of family dressed in denim
7. referal card insert to printers
8. Picture Day poster for October Rodeo Day and November Santa Day
9. book MUD building for first saturday in October, November, December.(Partially DONE)
10. edit website (Partially DONE)

Ahead this week on the schedule:

* Sun: 'nothing'
* Mon: 'nothing'
* Tues: 'meet with huntsville parent rep
* Wed: 'Pick up Krys from airport
* Thurs: 'nothing'
* Fri: meet with vocalist for wedding
* Sat: 'nothing'

we have a double car garage, but I stopped parking it it about 6 months ago. hehehe it is full of garage sale stuff right now, but I plan to EMPTY it and put all my studio stuff in there. I was going to do that FIRST, but sverre insisted on putting it in krys room, then he took over that room, so now I am back to the garage. I wish he would make up my mind!

Krystal is going to have a .....

the baby's name is going to be Jordan Jason Miles. (Jordan was the name for Krystal if she was a boy) and Jason is the father's name (tradition, use the father's first name as the babies middle name)

Erik and Magnus are not excited. they just do not get excited. they are guys, NID, not into details. ;)

here is what Erik said after dinner tonight,
(it was a GEORGEOUS DAY today and we went bike riding before he could get on the computer, dad's orders)
after that, he was on the computer for about 1 hour, and then his friend from down the street called and invited him and his brother over to go bike riding, so they did, then Erik came back home and played soccer with the little boy across the street for 1 hour, and then Erik played football with the brothers two doors down for an hour.)

ANYWAYS erik says, "wow mom, I was outside so much today, I was hardly on my computer at all. I am trying to break my computer habit."

I swear if I had been drinking something it would have spewed across the dining room!

(BTW there are about 22 houses on our street and 3 girls and 18 boys on the street that are all between 1 and 10 years old. how freaky is that?)

quiet saturday morning

kids are settled in school, they are puttering on the computers today.

I had a photography class yesterday, that totally rocked, but driving 175 miles wore me out. I am exhausted.

even so, I woke up extremely early, and now am ready for a nap! I have a headache that has been lurking for two days now. probably dehydration.

gracious, this is so boring, I am putting myself to sleep.

fiddled around with myspace today. hopefully krys will take it over and putter with it. would like more senior portrait customers.

diet is puttering along, no weight loss, no weight gain, just holding steady. Aunt Flo is here, so totally expected. yesterday was okay, tore up my pouch with celery, but still need more leafy greens today.

:-) the seminar was a 'challenge' for me. first time out 'eating' with peoples, trying to concentrate on 'eat what is right' eat the right amount. eat slowly, I was pretty proud of myself that I was able to control the 'emotional eating'.

I usually get so stressed in those situations, but I held it together, and was successful all day long. whoo hoo!

one of my regrets is not stopping to take care of ME sooner. I keep coming back to the 'airplane' message of put your own oxygen masks on first before trying to help others. it is so true. you can not be a good mother, you can not be a good business person, you can not be good at anything if you do not slow down and take care of your own health first.

today I am finding that I am inspired and drawn back into 'putting the cart before the horse, and I have to stop, and breathe. this month I need to focus on tots. get my marketing printouts for tots. in january, I need to start marketing to the Seniors. one project at a time.

just like my diet. get your protein in first, then your veggies. take care of the vitamins and get the fluids down. the rest takes care of itself!

Even though I have not 'lost anything" in 10 days, I know that I am not 'done', it is hard to not get worried, 200-300 calories a day, you would think after 10 days something would happen, but it just takes TIME and PATIENCE.

I am just grateful that I am not alone.

Reasonable Expectations

well, now I can wear the pants in the family!!

heehee

I went to a resale shop down the street and got 2 pair of 34's for myself, and had krys with me, while she is totally supportive, it was pretty funny, she called me the 'B' word that I could get into a tiny pair of 34's heehee she is painstakingly trying to maintain her weight through this pregnancy. she was 35 lbs overweight when she got pg, and has not gained any so far (19 weeks along) so I can totally see her point. the baby is healthy and she is eating her WIC foods. ;-) and while there is no way that she can 'help' but gain from here on out, she has done well so far.

my tummy is really having fits this month. I am going in to the doctor today, I think I have a yeast infection in my belly button, and I threw up so bad last night, that it scared me. sverre made me some chamomile tea that helped settle things down. I am sure that I am just going through another 'adjustment' and thing will settle down, but I am going in today anyways just to be safe. (stinky belly buttons are not a good thing) ;-)

BTW, MR. MAGNUS had a thermal nuclear meltdown today, he had on shorts, walked outside and decided that it was too cold and wanted pants, he dad said not enough time to change, his brother erik knocked him down, and he started to cry, the bus got here and he completely lost it, he didnt want to go to school, after 5 minutes, his dad brought him inside, he was hysterical, his dad was cussing up a stream in norwegian the likes that I am sure would make a norwegian mechanic blush, gave him 3 swats, sverre said I would have to drive him to school (DUH!) and I said just go to work, I would handle it. I knew from the moment of the pants that it was going to escalate. once sverre left, magnus told me his troubles. we changed his whole outfit to reboot his day, drove him to school, and he was fine. although now he thinks that he should be a car rider instead of a busser, like that is going to happen! NOT! *sigh* today I am calm and can handle it, but yesterday Erik was in trouble AGAIN. I swear he has been in trouble 4 out of 5 days for the last 5 weeks. he gets in trouble for WIGGLING. he gets in trouble for TALKING he gets in trouble for BREATHING. I have a meeting with the teacher at 1:30 today to see if we can come up with some REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS.

good days... bad days... (today: BAD day)

;-) remember me saying ... good days... bad days....

last night and today are very very bad days.

it is sort of a chain reaction, aunt flo arrived, I ate 1/2 a cliff bar, I drank a bunch of water, my gut feels like it was kicked by a clydsedale!

On sunday I tried on a pair of Sverre jeans (36"'s right?). they fit right?

this morning, I grabbed another pair of sverre's shorts, I thought that sverre' wore 36's, they are not, they are 34's. I am wearing his 34's today, again...

Oh CRAP!!!

hehehehehehehehehe

this is so kewl!!!! went to the resale shop, and bought two pair of my own.

B: cottage cheese
S:
L:chicken enchilada, chile releno, sopapilla (all very bad choices)
S:propel
D:

Krystal
today is 'dd#2' u/s, boy or girl? boy or girl?

the U/S was inconclusive.

she looked for 40 minutes, the umbiblicord was RIGHT THERE

there was possibly a little tiny bump that could possibly be a small stem, but it was just too little to tell.

the heart is perfect. there was no cleft palate, there was three cords so no down syndrome, it really looked healthy, but a tiny bit small, they moved the due date to February 15th (was February 11) so still all right in range of our calculations (I estimated feb 14)

'he' appears to be a serious thumb sucker and a south paw. (just like 'his' dad)

so 'for now' we are nick naming 'him' 'jordan'

tears rolling down my face

Sverre's Jeans

OM freaking G!! I tried on a pair of 38" jeans that I got in August, just 6 weeks ago, they are TOO big. so I thought, Sverre wears a 36" let's just see.

THEY FIT!!!

how freaking cool is that? I am so totally dancing the happy dance now!!!

my tummy was really feeling the strain of an off week. Tuesday was too much food, Wednesday was too much cappichino, Thursday was spent in the restroom regretting too much cappichino's, friday was a confusing day of not being able to eat 1/3 of my normal foods. so Saturday I just threw the rulebook out the window and had 1.5 eggo waffles for breakfast, .5 eggo waffles for lunch, 1 blueberry crepe for dinner, and 2 petite croissants for snack. and 46 oz of crystal light to flush the system. today I feel much better. I have had 3 oz of cottage cheese and 1 oz of blueberries and my vitamins and I feel normal.

scale still at 185. life is good.

Drinking

A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time together she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one.

After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar -- a saltshaker, a shot of Baileys, and a shot of lime juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.

"First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice." So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.

He puts the salt on his tongue -- salty but OK. He drinks the shot of Baileys - smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks - this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it ....

In one second the sharp lime taste hits .....
At two seconds the Baileys curdles ...
At three seconds the salty curdled bitter taste hits.
This triggers his gag reflex but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now nasty drink.

When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, "Jesus, what do you call that drink?"

She smiles wickedly at him and says, "It's called the Blow Job Revenge".

one more week down, just the rest of my life to go.

HEALTH:
the reason there are so many diets out there, is that no two people's bodies hold on to fat the same way.
I can tell you that no two bodies are the same. some people gain from carbs, some gain from fats, some gain from whatever else there is.

for me, I thought it was so hard. my husband went vegetarian, and he lost 55 lbs eating as much as he wanted. riding his bike like some lance armstrong. I did what he did and GAINED. after 4 years, it was insane. he has a grain based diet and it was killing me.

before that I thought that Susan Powter (sp??) had the answer with Fat Free, I gained more than I lost. between in there was the Sugar Busters. I just want to cry. the more I tried, the worse I felt.

with the newest doctor he made it so easy. LEAN MEATS AND LEAFY GREEN VEGETABLES. as much as I wanted, three meals a day. and I averaged 10 lbs loss each month. I could have continued on that probably done okay for a while if I were a 'normal' human. ;-) and for those people that only have a decade or so of fluff build up, it does help.

you do have to move to lose, which is what had me going crazy for so long, I have always been moving, walking about 5 miles a day throughout the day (my husband didnt believe me, until I got a pedometer strapped to my ankle, now he thinks that it is inaccurate, he is such a twirp!) but I do not advocate curves or any other 'fitness center' I have wasted so much money at those places, I invested the money in my own home gym, and it is really working well.

I set aside a bedroom, got a stationary bike, a weight set, a weight bench, a small trampoline, an exersize ball, elastic bands, and a home theater. now I can work out and watch a great movie.

sorry, this has turned into a novel! ;-)
WORK:
I am so jazzed, I had to tell someone!!!!

I went online and checked my local chamber of commerce, went to the ribbon cutting ceremony for a new local daycares, with business cards in hand. they already had a photographer, but it was a splendid idea, I need to check out more chamber of commerce daycare activities

I had scheduled a 'daycare' in Huntsville. 1 hour drive each way. but I was 'desparate'

so I booked them with NO NOTICE in May and got their prints back to them in time for mothers day. I did the VICTORIAN props. my prices were reported by several to be reasonable. my images were always liked.

so I went back this week. did another session with a BRIDGE set for summer. and someone left that daycare and went to a different one over the summer, and I was 'recommended' and she booked for October. (I just squeezed her in - LOL). we are doing the RODEO set.

I got a list of local daycares for this town, the director of the current daycare, X'd out several daycares that would not be good candidates for my 'style' or that were just too poor. now she realizes that she has just given me good leads on other places, she books her next session in March, 5 days before the 'first of the month' payday rolls around, when everyone gets the check for the month... SMART THINKING. I am thinking the 'BEACH' set

I drove over to one, ice cold dead call, they were getting portraits done by 'the other guys' on monday, thank you, bye.

the director of THIS daycare recommended that I contact another daycare, of which the a mom went to work for and took two of her's with. so COLD CALL, I drove over today and say, hey, well they had a 'company' coming in BUT.. I smiled and nodded and said, well, that is okay, mine are not the 'standard issue' boring, but a little different and special, just take a look at my (splendid ACI Expressions "5x7" portfolio) and she did. I had a sample prepay sheet from the current week project with my 6 package prices. she booked me for first week in november. we are going to do SANTS CHRISTMAS pictures and sell CARDS.

now I am flying so very high. literally GIDDY. and then low and behold I get a call out of the BLUE from a mom that has an 11 year old PAGEANT entrant that needs HEAD SHOTS like NOW. I can 'squeaze her in' (LOL) at 4 pm. at first she just wants 1 8x10, so I say fine, normally my minimum is $125, however, I know that you are 'stressing' and need just one and right now, so sitting fee +$35/8x10, I can set you up. she calls back, no, she needs lots of 8x10's, she will get the minimum package and see me tomorrow.

OMG.... this never happens to me, NEVER. now I promise myself that I will contact at least 2 new daycares a day until I am at my goal. (4 day cares a month) for the next 12 months.

CENTURY CLUB

My goal is 100 lbs, which I have 'technically done, since my historical high was 285 in 2001, and I have finally hit 185, that is a total loss of net 100 pounds. not discounting that I went from 285 to 242 and then back to 275 in 4.5 years. hell, technically, I have lost 143 lbs since then. what a horrendous struggle!!! I feel like I have been on a roller coaster from 6flags. up, down, up, down, round and round.

I just want to shout from the roof top

I just want to dance nakid in the street. I broke 190 and I can not sit still any longer. 15 weeks post op and I can not believe that I am here today. I can not believe that I survived. that I lived and that I am going to do more than just exist from now on. -3.93 lbs per week average (.07 lbs less than doctor demanded). the stalls are just that, stalls, they do not predict the overall outcome. I rode my bike with my family for 5 miles yesterday and while I was huffing and puffing, I was able to do it in 40 minutes. my 6 year old is so patient with me, he can go faster, my husband has to ride 30 miles before I start to take the 'fire' out of him so that he can 'stand' how slow I go (10.8 miles per hour highest speed) but they are patient with me and keep me company.

macarena

(I discovered that I can not digest cauliflower) and I knew I could not digest processed meats, and now I know postop that I can not digest cottage cheese.

secondly, start your exersize program now. it sets a base line, you will drop below that after surgery, but then pick back up and eventually superceed that base line.

I could walk 10 miles before surgery, now I can walk 8 miles, eventually I will be back to 10 and then to 20 miles a day (did it when I was much younger)

I could pedal my bike 15 miles a day before, 8 miles now, will be back to 15 and eventually to 30 miles a day (also much younger milestone)

humor for the day
A little boy blows up his balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something. The boy continues. "Johnny!" mom screams. "Knock it off. You're going to break something." He stops and eventually mom leaves for a short trip to the store.

Johnny starts up with the balloon again. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet.

Mom comes in and while putting away the groceries gets the urge. A diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes. When she's finished she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. Diarrhea everywhere! She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.

When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and diarrhea is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc. "Doctor! Doctor! Are you alright?" she asks.

He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever seen a fart!"

eat to live, live to eat

Friday:
B: Liver
S: Propel + Calcium
L: Flour tortillas (sopapillas) (bad choice)
S: hot tea with honey (sore throat)
D: Halibut

Saturday:
PB: 20 oz coffee with milk and splenda
B: 4 shrimp with tartar sauce
S: nuts, ate nuts until I couldnt eat anymore nuts, cashews, pistachios, macadamien, brazil and pine nuts
S: 4 oz cottage cheese 1 oz pineapple
L: 1/2 crepe with blueberries
S:10 oz peppermint tea
D:4 oz cottage cheese 1 oz blueberries
S: 20 oz water

Sunday:
B: 16 oz propel
S: 1 oz ribeye steak
L: Halibut salad
S: 20 oz coffee with milk and splenda
D: taco salad

today: rode bike 5 miles
today: drank 40 oz
today: ate 100% lean meats and leafy greens
tonight: watched one movie

I love the new me!

I am quite possibly the most closet vain person there is. no one knows, but I look every time I walk past. mirrors, windows, any reflection, I look.

strange that I got this way considering how much I look.

I would have agree with friends that see me now, I think I look fantastic. however, you know, just as soon as you say or do something, SOMEONE has to go pee on your parade. this morning we were talking about my chart and my loss so far. my husband pinched my fluffy batwings and said, "yeah, well you still have a ways to go, this is all fat."

he is such a wonderful supportive dunz. I think I shall get him a drink, and take a sip and spit it back in the glass. ;)

in my 6 months journey, I will tell you that this is what I learned.

I am an emotional eater. I would have never believed it, but discovered it is true
I am a woofer, I devour stuff, I do not take time to enjoy, I just inhale and run like hell, who would have thunk
I am a carbaholic, yep, that I was pretty sure of, but now I know
I could have died, but I didnt. I had a good surgeon that knew what he was doing and I followed the rules, walk right away, sip sip sip, and here I am doing exceptionally textbook perfectly well
I could not have done it on my own, I would have given up and given in ages ago, I know this, I accept this, it is fact.
the surgery not only gives me negative feedback when I make bad choices, but positive feedback when I stick to the plan. 3.5 lbs a week is phenomenal progress. no one will cheer for you like your body when you are following the PLAN. it will run like a well oiled machine and you will know it.
at points post op
you will: have head hunger
you will: get mad
you will: get so sick of food, you will swear never to eat again
you will get hungry again, and you will eat.
you will: get bored with what you are eating
you will: crave other things besides sweet foods or salty foods or whatever
you will buy a buttload of something only to find 72 hours later you can stand the smell, taste or consistency of it.
you will: get frustrated as hell that you can not just order a 1oz portion at a resturant.
you will: be standing in the meat counter and wonder why they sell such a freaking large 6 oz steak that will take you a week to eat!
you will: go through your closet in disgust that you have not even taken the tags off something and it is already impossibly too large for you to wear
you will go somewhere and find that your clothes are falling off and you JUST BOUGHT THEM a month ago.
you will get more personal questions than a popparazzi would ask about stuff that is really no ones business
you will get more advice than you or anyone else would ever want, need or desire
you will have second thoughts and change your mind hourly the closer to sergery you get
but
but
but
I swear to you, this is the best most life enhanceing process that you will ever embark on and you are going to love the new you!

Sverre Stealing the Guittard Chocolate Chips

sverre does this so often, the kids never get a chocolate chip cookie.

I believe that under Texas' Domestic Act, Section 56 (2)(e) states that "Any spouse who willingly and unnecessarily, deprives their SO of any edible product that has been purchased for said SO, regardless of who purchased said edible product is guilty of spousal deprivation and is subject to corporal punishment by said SO in whichever manner s/he is able to inflict said punishment. Said punishment may include one (1) of the following: smacking up the side of the head, sucker punch to the stomach, or a kick in the buttocks."

Section 56 (2)(f) states that, "Any spouse who is found guilty of spousal deprivation under section 56(2)(e) more than three (3) times, may be further punished by any or all of the following: Sleeping on couch, sleeping in the doghouse, sleeping at their parents, refusal to engage in sexual relations up to but not more than one (1) week, refusal to speak to spouse for up to but not more than three (3) days, and/or refusal to relay phone messages for up to but not more than one (1) week."

Conclusion of Serious Cussing

99% done.

it started out as a weekend project on wednesday of last week, just remove and replace a tub and the linoleum on the floor. now it is day 8 and I am so tired. I did drink 24 oz of fluid yesterday, I wanted to drink more (supposed to have 82 oz), but who had the freaking time?

I got the wallpaper removed and the tub in friday, sheetrock on saturday, and mud on sunday, the tissue paper glued down and primed monday the paint (three colors) in tuesday, yesterday:

I did get the linoleum cut / glued in the bathroom/ the new toilet installed, the new door hung, new trim (including mitering the corners in. spackled around the door where the paint pulled away with the old door. (plumbers on friday didnt run a utility knife down the side before RIPPING the old frame / trim off..... boneheads) and the glaze painted over the sponge paint and all the baseboards and 1/4 rounds nailed in place. painted the cabinet

now I just have to get the baseboards and door painted, and then the hall painted. and a little patchwork on the popcorn on the ceiling. and paint the balusters. oh and get a new water supply line for the toilet, since this one is 3 inches too short!

healthier

went to the PCP today, she was freaking grinning her head off. she has not seen me in 6 months, so the transformation has been phenomenal. while it is her job to weigh me, and she immediatly noticed 85 lb drop, what she really noticed was the change in my labs. my triglycerides are way down, my cholesterol is dropping, my protiens are significantly up, and overall I am in the healthiest shape that she has seen me since she started treating me 5 years ago. she was nice and said I looked much younger. but she was quick to reassure me that regardless of this, that, and the other, my body is well nurished and exceptionally healthy.

I am exceptionally healthy. period.


WoW moment yesterday.

I walked in to Tacohell where my daughter is working, and she didnt recognize me for 3 seconds. she started to give me a 'normal' customer greeting, it was to die for.

then her manager came out and was blown away that I was so much smaller, and then HER supervisor came out 'innocently' to do 'something' at the counter, and HE was blown away.

so they didnt ask me what my scale said, they didnt ask me what my tape measure said, they just saw that I was smaller and that was all that mattered.

made me think.

the only one obsessing over the number on the dial is

ME.

as long as I look like I have had a bath recently, used some breath mints, they smiled.

as for the DAMN bathroom, pulled the toilet out, and pulled up the carpet last night and found tons of mold. bleached the dickens out of it and went to sleep, this morning it looks better, sealed it with Kilz, and will finish today. got the popcorn done, painted, the living room drapes washed, dried and rehung, the drop clothes down, the book cases wiped down, the dining room and kitchen floors cleaned, now just about down to the wire.

I feel good!

who has time to eat? I sure don't!

DAMN BATHROOM
DAMN BATHTUB - DONE! DAMN PLUMBING - DONE!
DAMN WALL PAPER  - DONE! DAMN POPCORN - DONE!
DAMN SHEETROCK - DONE! DAMN MUD - DONE!
DAMN TISSUE TEXTURE - DONE! DAMN PRIMER - DONE!

Now: PAINT - LINOLEUM - TOILET - LIGHT SWITCHES - DOOR FRAME

today I ventured off on a totally different course, asparagus for breakfast, romaine salad with pine nuts for lunch, spaghetti for dinner, bread pudding for desert.

overall: aparagus, gave me gas; romaine salad was da bomb, spaghetti, wretched wretched, never again, still gurgling up, bread pudding, I limited myself to two tablespoons, which was not 'good' but it is so 'good' I fail with self control.

the scale is moving, again. whoo hoo. 10 days no movement, 196, and then boom, 192.5, whee hee. dancing. "I feel good' dana nana nuh!(James Brown)

;0)

Serious Cussing!

today I had a 'day', not a fantastic day, but not a horrible day. it has been so long since I have had time to really focus on what I need to do, feels like everything is crisis mode. swollow protein here, suck down protein there, haul ass to this project, or that one.

DAMN BATHROOM

DAMN BATHTUB

DAMN PLUMBING

DAMN WALL PAPER

DAMN LINOLEUM

DAMN LIGHT SWITCH PLATES

DAMN POPCORN

DAMN PRIMER

DAMN MUD

DAMN PAINT

DAMN IT

right now I have the weekend to completely remodel my bathroom. as in new tub, new toilet, new floor, new sheetrock, new texture on walls, new door frame, new door, new door facing, new light switches, new ceiling I started this morning, tomorrow is day two, I have no idea how they do a WHOLE house in 4 days, course it would be easier without the little people brigade. I have my two (5 and 6) and my girlfriend dropped off her two (1 and 4) for the 4 day weekend so I have lots of HELPERS. they are great, not wretched at all, just keeps me focused on seriously working during nap hours. ;)

I am horribly dehydrated, I really do not have time or patience for hydrating, I swear, it is SUCH A PITA. that is a serious backside to this, getting all the fluids in each day. it is a day consuming process!

Drink: 10 oz green tea
Breakfast: 1 oz steak
Drink: 10 oz IsoPure Blue Raspberry
Lunch: 1 oz chicken
Drink 5 oz water
Dinner: 1 oz salmon

Raving Lunatic

The end of Compaq (2000-2002) was so crazy, they would lay of entire departments, just whoosh. Then they would selectively lay off whole groups, the slowly it dwindled down to individuals, sniper fire is what we would call it.

Then HP came in and it started over, two years of entire departments, then entire groups, and then sniper fire. My husband has survived 5 years of hell. He has heard through the grapevine that there is maybe another 8 - 10 months and then his group will be 'up', I would dearly love a hefty severance package about the time that we are ready to depart this warfare type employment. It is just too stressful, wondering if your next, wondering if someone that you are counting on in a project is next. Leaving you high and dry. How can anyone be productive in this?

I 'am home' and I have no desire to volunteer in the classroom. I am finding my own life just so chaotic that I can not 'deal' with one more thing. I was going to sign Erik up for chess club, boy scouts, and swimming but right now I am doing good to get him to the bus each day, okay his dad does that, but I remember to pick him up. ;-)

Part of it is the surgery, my new 'selfish' self-centered lifestyle, worrying about everything I eat, and part of it is the wedding, and everything. Part of it is the financial crunch, and part of it is the getting the house repaired. Part of it is worrying about finding a new place to live, a new place to work, and new friends. And part of it is that I am a screaming raving lunatic!

Breakfast: 1/5 protein bar
Snack: 16 oz zipfizz
Lunch: 1 oz sirloin steak
Snack:16 sf tea
Dinner: 1 oz salmon salad
Snack: 16 tea

The Goodbye Letter

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, and trembling hands, he opened the letter and read:

"Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant. Stacy said that we would be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana does not really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!

Don't worry, Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, your son, John.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you! Call when it's safe for me to come home."

oh husband, dear husband

for someone to be thin and healthy, have a high metabolism rate:
it must be so hard to live with someone that is fluffy and have a very very low metabolism rate.

my husband has looked like this his whole life. (course he listens to bands like: Wig Wam (gracious!)

but bless his heart, he loved me when I was a little fluffy, a lot fluffy, a little less fluffy, a little more fluffy, a little less fluffy, and a lot more fluffy, and now I am 30 lbs less than when we met. I am warning him that shortly, I will be stealing his clothes. ;)

;-) my surgeon told me specifically do not count calories. do not count calories. just count oz. eat .5 oz of lean meats with each meal and .5 oz of leafy green vegetables with each meal. do not drink 30 minutes before or 30 minutes after but do drink 82 oz a day.

My Doctor said:
LEAN MEATS and LEAFY GREEN VEGETABLES

and you (me) will lose 4 lbs a week the first 3 months and then 2.5 lbs a week the next three months and then you can eat whatever you like and you will stay the same.

he does not like the protein suppliments so he really would prefer that I not consume them, says that they are too calorie dense.

so it is not a whim that am I on this program. I have seen that his success rate is 99% and he has done 1500+ surgeries in the last 5 years. he seems to have perfected this process down to an idiot proof science. and I really needed idiot proof.

he did make was is called a mini pouch and there are some of his patients that are 2 years out and still only have a 4 oz pouch.

always remember that YMMV (your mileage may vary) and that no two people are the same. my husband eats 2500-3500 calories a day and he loses a pound a week if he is not careful.
I tried to eat what he ate (vegetarian) with breads and rice as the base and I ballooned from 235 to 275 so that was not good for me. but it is FANTASTIC for him.

some people are much healthier on a high caloric intake, I am not. my body really only needs 200 calories a day and it is happy, it has not been for a week or 10 days like this, it has been for 3 full months. just chugging along.

Cocktail Dress.. at my age?

I have got to find a semiformal cocktail dress for my daughters wedding in 5 months. I have been searching online and in stores and finding that there are so many CHOICES now that I am a REASONABLE size. I do not know what size I will be, but now I am not limited to 'size' but to style and taste and color.

this has not been the case for so many years, it is just as strange as if I were to suddenly empty my bank account and open my car window driving down the freeway and just let all the bills flutter out of my hand.

I find myself in very unfamiliar territory. I am having trouble even remembering what neckline I prefer. banded sweetheart or something. my daughter has specified that I absolutely can not wear black, I guess I have been wearing black for so long now that it has transcended trademark and gotten downright mournful and depressing. ;)

so that is also a challenge, the little black dress is not an option. I have to find something but I can not rush, since I do not know what size I will be and I swear, I will end up waiting until after christmas sales and Pray for good luck.

of all the things that I would be worried about, this was not one I planned for.


the colors of the wedding are red, black and white. so she would be thrilled if I wore red. I look good in jewel tones, but I prefer sapphire or wine than ruby or emerald.

saks
heehee she would kill me, but hey, I worked hard for this body! Just today I was feeling frustrated that I have had to 'give up' so many things over the last 6 months, but when I think about all the possibilities of shopping in 3 more months, it is an almost heady experience

I have to confess I have never spent more than $50 on a single outfit (not piece, OUTFIT) in my life. I just know that I am going to get cold sweats when I do this.

I nearly died when I paid $120 for one of my daughter's homecoming gowns.

my number one biggest issue will be that even after loosing all this weight (80+lbs so far) is that I am still a 40DD. THAT part has always been impossible to shop for.

OMG

I could probably get into their homecoming gowns now. HEEHEE

awe nuts. I called my daughter. she said she would let me borrow, but I can not keep her gown. well duh. she was pretty crabby with me and I asked what the problem was. she said that

IT IS NOT FAIR that you can get into them but I can not.

I said THAT was not fair. she has a choice. each day. a choice. I made a choice. each day I make it. no one puts the food in her mouth. no one put the food in my mouth. I got MO all by myself. yes I had a lot of outside stressors but I learned that ultimately I choose how to deal with those stressors.

she chooses as well. she was still pretty pouty, but I am not going to be fat to make her feel comfortable. I also do not see the need to buy another $130 dress when I bought her 5 and her sister 4 in the four years that they were in high school and they fit me now. that is just impractical. I sure do not begrudge my other other daughter borrowing my fluffy clothes now that she is 5 months pregnant, it is just practical.

should I get all missish because my daughter is wearing my regular clothes as maternity clothes? was I fat. DUH. I got over it. dd#1 can get over it. I should be missish at her for taking so long to be born, the doctor said I would go 6 weeks early with twins, I went full term and had to be induce, I skyrocketed from 150 to 211 with her and her fluffy prego sister.

can I blame her for being fluffy? nah. but it would be nice. ;)

I just went to the closet. my closet. I got MY prom gown out, (yes, I still have it) and I tried it on

Oh My Freaking Fourth of July!

now I can not get it zipped up, that would be enough to cause hospitalization from a massive stroke, but I got it ON, and I got my armies in the sleevies and my boobies in the busties...

I love the color (cranberry) and while the sleeves (poofs) are so 25 years ago... I thought about tailoring the sleeves. I really need to find a good seemstress between now and then. ;-) I am freaking thinking why the hell not?

it is VINTAGE and it will fit in January! I will be so so so to die for wearing my prom gown!

Party Food Choices

typical day with a party thrown-in to shake things up:

FOOD:
PreBreakfast: 10 oz tea
Breakfast: 1 oz string cheese (6g protein)
Snack:16 oz crystal light peach tea

Lunch: 3 sticks celery, 1 oz turkey(8g protein), 4 pretzels, 1 sip fruit punch
Snack: 1/2 marshmellow dipped on chocolate (fountain), 1 piece of cake sans frosting
Snack 2: 2 sticks of celery, 1 cupcake sans frosting, 3 pretzels, 1 bavarian creme filled puff, 10 oz isopure (20g protein: Grape)

Dinner: 1 oz salmon, 1 slice squash(8 g protein)

WORK
SANTA called, I really need to book for this fall, motivation is what I need. location was revealed to me at the party yesterday, I am so very jazzed about this.

Harris County Mud No 24 Administration Building
17035 Deer Creek Dr
Spring, TX 77379
I think that I could have a fantastic Saturday Limited Edition Session once a month with a 'central location with great parking' I feel the juices flowing. ;)

today we are going out to Bennigans, test two of eating out with friends and see how I 'fair', I found out that I can consume much more food when visiting that I probably should. so I have already looked at the menu and am 'prepared' with my choices ahead of time without pressure and stress. good plan. soup and salad and side of steamed broccoli.

EXERSIZE:
Active Sitting
Take a seat on a stability ball when you eat, watch TV or work at your desk. This type of “active sitting” engages more muscles—especially those in your core—than when you’re slumped in a chair and resting.

Work Out a Stability Ball
Almost any exercise that you sit down to perform can also be done on a stability ball. The slightly unstable surface causes your muscles to fire differently and works them from new angles. Your core muscles benefit, too. Plus, it’s more fun than a regular bench.

my own obit

Katherine Marie Hubbard Amundsen, Missoula, went kicking and screaming to be with our lord and raise some hell in heaven, specified that she be buried with a crowbar and a slim-jim just in case the pearly gates were locked once she got there. By her request a serious party to celebrate her life rather than mourn her death will start after the service and shall continue until the keg runs dry, or there is not one left sober to drive home. She asked to be remembered that the beauty of my body is not measured by the size of the clothes it can fit into, but by the stories that it tells. I have a belly and hips that say, "We grew a child in here," and breasts that say, "We nourished life." My hands, with bitten nails and a writer's callus, say, "We create amazing things." as she passed she remarked life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a lovely and well-preserved body, but rather a skid to broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "WOW! What a ride!".