Wednesday, September 27, 2006

JUMPING IN OVER MY HEAD

okay, now I have to deal with as the body shrinks, the confidence is swelling. Ihave been a professional photographer since 2002. but today I finally made a decision to do a BIG PUBLIC EVENT. I am pulling out all the stops, and just going to go for the GOLD. renting a building, advertising, publicity. a community event benefiting my favorite charity. I did it and I am hyperventilating. I am so totally hyperventilating.

and then I sit back and say "oh shit, oh shit, oh shit" I know that this really builds a customer base, I will have displays of my target audience. a Toddler table and a Family table and a Senior table with 'brochures'

I will need to have another nother table for processing orders

and a truck to collect the donations. I am going to treat it like a 'trade show' with my information.

so far I have one daycare that is volunteering to send home flyers in the kids napsacks, I need to print posters to put in local businesses and get it in the subdivision newsletters.

oh nuts, here I go again, hyperventilating!

I just rented a building for the day, it has parking and a fireplace and plenty of room and I am going to do a charity fundraiser for my favorite charity, for the session fee part, and sell portraits for christmas including christmas cards and promoting my business but I swear, my heart is in my throat and I would like to crawl back under a rock!

I already have three people that are excited and want to come as customers, help out by promoting the event, I am going to need some help, but mostly,

"oh shit, oh shit, oh shit"

my heart is going to explode in my chest. here is my start of my advertising campaign

(breath, I just have to breath!)

I did think about the local papers and the newletters for each of the local subdivisions.

renting the Municipal Utilities District building which is very centrally located to everyone in our neighborhoods.

it has a huge room (18'x30') with a fireplace, (8) 5ft tables and 38 chairs if I wanted to have a baby shower / bridal shower ;-) for a community event it is free, but for a business event it is $50 for the day, and with parking alone, it is SO WORTH THAT. I would assume that there are community rooms in each town that can be rented for the day. she said that she has pampered chef parties and creative memories that rent it as well to sell stuff. everyone takes turns.

I have talked to another 'nother mom and she wants to distribute flyers for the private school that her kids attend that is going to just rock my world! what if I become so busy from this that I just loose my mind? it is earie to think that I have been coasting under the radar for so long and now I feel like I am taking the plunge.

I DO NOT DO BUNGE JUMPING for this very reason

I would never have done anything like this 90 lbs ago. I was the type that would have small house parties and be sad that only 1 family would show up. now I am planning on inviting 30 families for the day.

part of my fears is that if I make a mistake, then I will completely ruin my credibility and since I am already 'faking it' as it is, hehehe I worry, a lot.

everything up until now has been a learning experience.

the big day is November 4. I am barely sleeping now that I have made the decision, I think that I am in way over my head. I didnt get to sleep until 1 am and here it is 7 am and I am back up!

I think I have to do something all or nothing, because if I do small steps, I never follow through. if I go emersion in a baptism by fire, I either sink or swim, must be a personality trait. ;)

in the past 15 years, as my pounds went up, my social skills went down.

this event is a photography event where the session fees will be a donation to my favorite local charity.

while my personality is changing, and I am more 'public' I am still horrible about nitpicking something like this. I edited this layout about 800 times and I am still to totally convinced that it is 'ready' to be printed. hehehe

today I fussed over the promotional pieces. I think I finally am 'content with the layout' have sent off a TEST print (100 post cards) to see if I like them, just do not know if I can wait until they come back to take the plunge. may need to speed up my terjectory (sp?)

but I told my husband, I have been piddling around for three years, I really need to DIVE IN, and he said I dont see why the hell not, you have already spent the money on the equipment, you have nothing to lose.

it was a profound statement. I already made the financial investment, but I have not 'put myself out there' and risked anything EMOTIONALLY. I must be the only recovering fat person that has felt like this. 6 months ago I discovered that I am an emotional eater. today I discovered that I am (can not even think of the word for timid/shy/nervous person)......

My entire life, my whole existance I have hidden behind an extroverted personality and sunny smile. no one knew that inside my stomache was like a blender with a live gold fish in it. ;) just anxiously waiting for someone to flip the switch and have gold fish smoothie.

even now, I am hourly hyperventilating about doing such a public project. talk about falling on my face. it could be such a fiasco. or it could be such a FLOP. that would be just as bad. sitting there with NO ONE SHOWING UP. gawd the stress, the pressure, the humiliation. I do not know which is worse, demonstrating that I am unqualified or demonstrating that I have no friends/clients to show up. hehehe (<- very nervious giggle) but see. that is WHY I AM HERE. WHY I was OB. I just do not have a chocolate chip cookie to get me through this anymore! and really I am tired. I was having a hard day today. so frustrated with this process. The part that is hard, is that I am getting TIRED. you know, when you run and run and run and run, after awhile, you just get tired. I am tired of the 'work' and I am tired of the stress, and I am just tired. I do not want to 'worry' about what I eat, I just want to eat what sounds good. Yesterday I had a salad for lunch, and a salad for dinner. Because it sounded good. I did not get in all that protein, and all the other stuff. It is just so exhausting to 'work' on eating for so long. I do not care if I loose another pound, I just want to take a break. back to thinking about my project, here is what I did first. secured the location. (check) talk to some 'reps', people that know me and felt out the 'reaction' to my packages, my prices, my charity speel, and then they inturn want,,, WANT to promote it at thier respective schools (1 private school, 2 daycares) then I spent last night designing the 5x7 flyer that will go home with the kids and the 11x14 poster that will be up in local businesses. I estimate that I will have 30 slots for portraits, if I have less call, great - if I have more, I am going to be going freaking nuts! ;-) but I am already thinking that I will just have to open up another day if that happens. maybe do friday and sunday. as for logistics, how can I DO this. I have 2 -2 gig cards, so I could have a computer and download and have someone proof and sell. and just swap out cards because it has been my experience that these things are more productive with immediate results. maybe I need to just switch to JPG Fine for this type of event, I do not know... just so many 'variables'. keep the quality up, keep the speed up, keep the distractions down. however, if I do not try, I will never learn.

here is my email flyer:

and the postcard that is going to the printers is done.>