I scheduled my registration about 10 days ago, and immediately the financial department called up wanting 15% of the anticipated cost as a deposit. freaking blood sucking commies. I chose to ignore cash, check, or charge IN FULL before REGISTRATION. what a crabby little vixen she is. Went in to the appointment, very innocent like, and make arrangements for 1/2 now and 1/4 in a month and 1/4 in a month after that. *sigh* I figured someone would be reasonable in the end.
did all the forms, all the information, got all the diet and procedural plans (nice well laid out packet, mental note for my own business). Completed one more blood draw. on my way. send out some announcements yesterday to my friends, got a TON of support, wow.
I have been working towards wls for 77 days, I have 9 days to go and I have changed my mind more times in the last 77 days than I have about anything else in my life. I do not like to yoyo back and forth like this, to constantly second guess myself.
taking ownership of my lifestyle and food intake choices has been difficult for me. I know that I have issues just like 'everyone else' but, it still amazes me that they have consequences on my exterior body. Most friends and intimate family (husband and children) do not see that there is a need for weight loss and obviously see 'me' rather than my body. this is a good thing.
my extended family (parents and grandparents) are just the opposite, they almost obsess over my weight, every single conversation involves asking if there has been a weight loss since I was 20 years old. while I am partially doing it to get them off my back, the ultimate reason for wls is the physical health issues I have been experiencing in the last 4 months. my heart feels like it is getting irregular and could be showing signs of giving out. fine. time to change something.
the support of Krystal has been very sweet, she thinks that it will be a kick to my previous 'relationships' with a return to my 20 year old's body and a 'kick in the ass to them that blew me off'. I can see that as a bonus, but definitely not the objective. surviving is the objective. surviving this week, this month, and this year.
after all, my children need someone to boss them around, I flatter myself as the matriarch of the family. So here I am, 9 days away and terrified that something could go wrong. I have a very close friend that loves her new body 3 years out and another friend that was my husbands colleague that died within two weeks as a result. I have another close friend that is a widow because her husband did not have the surgery. So I am still torn, and I really think that it is a crap-shoot.
Either way, I and I alone have to make the choice, follow the guidelines and keep my spirits up. It is my choice. Of all the things that I think that it is, the easy way out it is not. *sigh*
I think that I am my own worse enemy, the things that go through my head are 10x worse than what anyone says to me.
today was a good day. Erik wore the wrong kind of shoes (flipflops) so I had to zip over in the morning and drop of nazi approved sneakers. he graduates from Kindergarten in 2 days. Magnus will start Kindergarten in 3 months. it is all going by so fast.
Mmhhhwwwwaaaahhhh (*kiss*)
KAtkins Menu:
breakfast: boiled eggs, coffee
lunch: straweberry protein shake
dinner:
Exersize: 2.5 miles on the bicycle
