I do love the feedback. here is my 'perspective'
I have given birth to 5 extremely large children (twins were 6lb 8oz EACH, (13 lbs total) Naomi a tiny 7lb 8oz and Erik a little bit bigger 8 lb 9 oz, Magnus the last one was 11 lb 3 oz). with the twins, I lost the weight, all but 5 lbs in 5 days. (211 - 155) that was pretty impressive. but as many know, with the next one, it is harder, and with the next one it is easier, and with the next one it is harder to take off the baby weight.
where I saw the pounds creep up significantly was starting college, mid terms and finals and hamburgers and pizza and anything that was quick and easy to fix was my choice just to get back to studying. not to mention being 10 minutes late in the morning and $1.00 in the vending machine for a bag of something and a coke was too often.
the first step was a program called LifeSteps, a 16 week program about nutritional choices, calorie counting, emotional eating, and exersize. in 6 months, I lost 20 lbs. I knew the nutrition, I knew the foundations. it didn't seem to help, choosing a happy meal instead of a value meal cut the calories in 1/2, but didn't make any changes.
the second step was Fat Busters, after all "fat makes you fat" so I did the lean and mean diet, moving to lose, and counting the fat grams. I lost 20 lbs in 6 months, but it didn't last.
then came Sugar Busters, reduce your sugars... blah blah blah
then came Atkins, lean meats and low carb... blah blah blah
then came vegetarian, blah blah blah
I tried the Y membership, the Gym Membership, aqua therapy, walking, biking, yada yada yada. all in all, I have probably lost and gained 1000 lbs total. the same 50 three times in the last 4 years. I live with the food nazi, so you can imagine just how strict he is with food in the house. no chips, no cookies, no cakes, no donuts, no ice cream, no soda, no fun. ;)
This spring, I started getting some serious heart rhythm issues. really gave me a start. I am active, pedal 5-10 miles every other day or so, walk a lot, can work a 10 hour wedding with a 5 lb camera and do pretty good, so I was very surprised when I hesitantly asked my doctor (whom I see every 90 days) if she thought that gastric bypass would be a good choice considering my family history of cancer and diabetes and my history of rheumatoid arthritis and was given a firm yes. her referral got the ball rolling and very quickly.
backtracking 4 years ago, I attended a funeral of a sweet college in my husbands office, he lived 2 weeks after his gastric bypass, developed staff infection and died. considering gastric bypass was to me tantamount to suicide. however. with all the history of what is going on, it became readily appearent that I was running out of time.
I ended up selecting the strickest most conservative doctor in the field, with the highest success rate, the lowest complication rate, and in general, considered a real difficult guy. rather than set out to convince him that I needed this, I let him tell me what he thought I needed. that might have messed with his head a bit. ;) I swear my husband I had him laughing in the office and I have heard many swear that he does not have a sense of humor. but ultimately, I never told anyone what I thought I needed, but I did present the weight history, which is objective, the doctor supervised diet, objective, and everything else for the past 20 years. The results were unanimous.
the papers were submitted to the insurance company, and were instantly approved, also unusual considering that as a rule, they are initially rejected as a default. It is considered last option. it is limited to morbidly obese. I was the lucky winner of an all expense paid trip to Cypress Fairbanks Hospital.
The doctor set me on a 'lifetime' diet that would make most Atkins fans faint, and 90% of the Gastric Bypass patients quiver. Lean Meats and Leafy green vegetables. PERIOD. forever. I have done my best for the last 90 days and adopted. I can see that it is beneficial long term and I have learned to live with it. I can not say that it is my ideal but it would appear that due to the short term change in my body, that I was completely carbohydrate intolerant. how freaky is that? I eat as much as I want, at each meal, not between, I am not hungry between, and I have lost on average 10 lbs a month. for some reason my body metabolism, even with 30 - 120 minutes a day of exersize, could not shake the carbs. eating homemade whole grain breads, no prepackaged preprocessed foods, and limited to 1200 cal a day with no trans fats and not commercial snacks, I was still gaining up to 10 lbs a month.
now all the drugs that I have been taking for Rheumatoid Arthritis have not helped, and being off of Celebrex and Prednisone has not been a picnic either. I swore that I could not move without them, but I am trusting that by losing 100 lbs that it will be easier to exersize.
I am not indecisive about the surgery, I am just scared. I kept thinking along the last 3 months, if I can loose 10 a month on my own, I could do it all on my own, but the longer I progressed, the less I could keep to the diet, and started to sneak and sabotage myself. so I am more convinced.
it was also very difficult to accept that we would take $2500 out of the family savings to pay for this. I am not the type to spend that kind of money on me. in my mind, it would be better spent on paying off the car, or a credit card, or something. always putting my health last is possibly a contributing factor to this ongoing issue. once my husband sat down Tuesday and wrote the check to the hospital. it was a 100 lb weight off my heart and mind.
I was back to riding my bike, but it has already gotten so hot here in houston, that sverre went to Play it again Sports and got me a stationary bike for the tv room and it works much better for me. I can easily get my 10+ miles a day in.
so now the final few days are here. today and Monday are my last day's of solids. Tuesday is clear liquids and Wednesday is the surgery. I have had some friends over last night for a prayer to give me strength and comfort. I am still worried that I am not getting everything done before the surgery. a current will, a last letter to my children explaining why. a copy of the digital photo album for each of my children, stuff like that. but instead, I have been doing things like playing chinese checkers with them, playing checkers with them, just taking a moment to snuggle with them. and maybe I will get all that other stuff done, and maybe I wont. I have spent time just talking to my husband and while we know that there is some serious consequences, so is driving in traffic and flying on an airplane and eating at mcdonalds. ;-) I have to have faith that no having any obstacles has been a "sign" that this is the path for me. Because I have seen my biological father effectively paralyzed by type ii diabetes and gout and he is just a humongous balloon now and I seriously doubt that he will survive considering his current health and it all came down to choices. He didn't make any changes, and I have explored them all in 20 years and this is the last one.
I do believe that a large part of my success will be a strong spirit to survive and psychological positive energy. you have to 'beleive' that you can beat it, any of it. cancer. arthritis. obesity. depression. you just have to. and you can not do it alone. you have to have friends and humor or what is the point?
