I have been 'upset' and my house has been messy, today it is so clean, that even my pot holders, kitchen towels, and kitchen washcloths are folded neatly in their drawer.
I picked up the floor last night, the entire first story, sverre vacuumed every inch, I moved all the furniture, so that he got under EVERYTHING
then upstairs today, I finally got EVERYTHING picked up and ran the roomba for three battery cycles to get it all cleaned.
I feel much better. the boys are watching PBS and I am drinking my BUBBAJUG of water. (52 oz) second today.
oh check this out
http://nutrition.about.com/library/blwatercalculator.htm
A person who is 255 pounds
and is exercising for 0 minutes ,
is not pregnant,
is not breastfeeding,
does not live at a high altitude,
does not live in a dry climate,
drinks 3 caffeinated drinks ,
drinks 0 alcoholic drinks ,
when it is very hot or very cold,
and is sick with fever or diarrhea should have:
146.5 ounces of water today, or 4.4 liters.
If you eat a healthy diet, about 20 percent of your water need may come from the foods you eat. If you eat a healthy diet you can drink 117.2 ounces of water today, or 3.5 liters.
many have heard the story of someone who knew someone that died after surgery. I am right there with you. only I actually was at the funeral. my husband's coworker had the surgery in 2001 and died within two weeks. my husband is terrified to tell anyone at his work that I am having the surgery. he knows they would freak. I have asked him what he remembers about the man. what I remember is that he was beyond BMI 50+ and he could not ride a bike and he got 'stapled' and had great difficulty getting approved after repeatedly denied.
but what I can tell you is that that was 5 years ago. the doctors have perfected this and improved tremendously in 5 years. that he already had let himself go past a 'safe' point for him, he had issues that were unique to him. not me.
so I have had to calm myself, I have had to disassociate what happened to him with a different doctor, in a different hospital, in a different part of the learning curve and a totally different metabolism. my doctor has prepared my body differently than other doctors. my doctor has prepared me for three months on the lifestyle diet, not two weeks. totally different circumstances with each individual.
surround yourself with supportive people. be selective of whom you tell and whom you do not. 'fear factor' will not help you heal your self. one of the things that has helped me was getting past pre-registration. I was so bad emotionally that I wrecked my car into a parked truck on my way to the doctor for my final weigh in.
my husband did not freak. he said it was just a stupid car. no big deal. and we continued on the plan. he went with me to the hospital to register and kept me company. even told the nurse he was supportive.
at that point, once the expenses were taken care of, I calmed down. I would never spend that much money on me. and the surgery was a luxury IMO. but he considered it a necessity. so here we are. 5 days away and I am profoundly calm. everything is scheduled, everything is arranged. all the parts are in place.
one of my biggest issues was that if I could lose the preop weight on my own, 23# then why couldnt I do the other 103 on my own, after all I have will power. but eventually I figured it out, what I said was true that first day. I can do anything for 90 days. but on the 91 day I usually bail. I just can not do it. I have to have a kolache, I have to have just one flour tortilla, just a tiny bit of apple pie, and then I am SUNK.
today I tried and failed to take my child into a no-no-zone, and I couldnt stop. the lady offered a kolache and I cracked. I felt neasiated the rest of the day, sick that I couldnt cope, sick that I could gain so close to surgery and sick that when it comes right down to it. I just can not do it on my own.
each day I worry that I will not survive the next week, the next month, but all I can do is play with my son, take my daughter to the movies, ride bikes with my other son and live today. it is all psychological. the will power to get better the will power to get worse. that type of will power I have. I can choose to live.
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a lovely and well-preserved body, but rather a skid to broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "WOW! What a ride!"
