Thursday, September 13, 2007

Hurricane Humberto makes landfall

in my kitchen. I swear.. yes, it is wet outside, but the kids just keep messing up the house.

Humberto strengthened to a hurricane overnight, just prior to making landfall around 2:00 am CDT east of High Island, Texas. Maximum winds, in a small area to the north and northeast of the center, were near 85 mph at the time of landfall.

Humberto is now inland near the Texas-Louisiana boarder, moving northeast, and will weaken through today.

we are still looking at tornadoes here, just a slim chance.

on the other hand, I must be going through some serious hormones. Aunt flo left sunday and then returned and then left again this week. I am so upset about so many things that I should have control over, but do not. that I should be able to do something about, but feel that I am paralized and can not. I do not know if it is my diet, the weather, or the lunar cycle.

I am still bawling over the housing prospects in norway. I can not honestly see why. why I should be giving up what I have. what I have worked so hard to accomplish. why I should be walking away from everything. I do not see it. It makes me sick to think about it. all the houses that I thought were too freaking small but were compensated by the 'other aspects' are now not even possible. it would appear that we can barely afford even 1100 square feet of living space. now if I were not a stay at home mom, that would not be a big deal right? well crap. I am a stay at home mom, so that is a big deal. if I were taking my car with me and could run to town to kill the boredom, it would not be a big deal, oh but shit, I am not going to have a car. for those that think that public transportation is the bomb, bite me. I am not that way. my parents were not that way, their parents were not that way, my great grandfather had a mule and did not rely on public transportation, I am not one that has come from the type of people that rely on public transportation. our families have always had our own. horse/ buggy or truck or car but public transportation was not part of the equation.
my family may have spoiled me by always owning land and homes, large homes, and I truly feel that it is a step down to have less, irregardless of where I have it. hell, my grandmother hubbard got a used 4 bedroom house when she married in 1940 but she got a HOUSE.

Now I sit and I wonder, what defines me? My grandmother sent me a photograph of her daughter in law's fathers house. it was about what is in my neighborhood. she was totally impressed with that he was a pilot for a private jet company and could afford what amounted to about a $130K house in Georgia. What is my social status, what is my personal measure of success. do my family see me as a success or failure? Do my associates look at me, and see me or what I drive? do my customers respect me or what I do for a living? How important is it to me when my father seriously gets lost in my house trying to find the third bathroom. (Honestly, that was a poignant moment when he did.) I seriously felt today that if I were to live in one of those tiny apartments, even if it was in another country, that I honestly could not invite anyone over for the shame of it. to be back down the property latter from what I have now to what I would have to learn to live with is just so inconceivable that I was bawling for a full 1/2 hour. I seriously could bear living in a double wide trailer easier.

I considered pouting and still may. I considered just refusing to get on the plane, and I may still. I considered what it would take to keep making the payments on this house by myself, if I could handle roommates to make up the difference that I would have to in order to stay or if I should just give up the house completely, and move back to Montana. But I doubt that would be a solution. my income potential here is substantially higher and housing costs substantially lower.

What would I gain? and what would I lose? I seriously do not see the gain. in anyway, shape or form. there is absolutely nothing that holds my interest. Sverre suggested that I could go to England and Germany for the weekend, which brought a smile but now I think about it, hell, I could go to Washington DC, but I have never, in the 11 years that we have been rotting here, and could more easily afford it, we never do. We never do anything but my seeing Naomi, and him going home each year, the rest of the time, it is just living from day to day. never leaving the house and when that happens, the house becomes a seriously important part of your lifestyle.

but now that the tears have dried, I am resolved that all I can really do right now is worry about the next three weeks. so I will clean out the nursery, move my office / tv room in there and get this room ready for Krys/ Jordan and keep getting things put up on Craigslist to make enough room for everyone that needs to be here now.

Rethinking what would someone do to have the 'opportunity' to live a different life'. I wonder what that life would be. I could do it, but I do not know if I am brave enough. as quickly as I psyche myself into seeing the positive, it is gone, poof! and the reality sneaks back in. I am going to have to sell every single electric appliance that I have, not small list:
pancake griddle, wheat grinder, bread machine, toaster, waffle iron, coffee bean grinder, coffee maker, tea maker, can opener, microwave, food processor, air popcorn popper, blender, cake mixer, rice steamer, electric blanket, curling iron, blow dryer, hot rollers, radio, cd player, dvd player, replay tv recorder, ipaq music center, vcr, sewing machine, scanners, vacuum cleaner, roomba, printers, paper shredders, cordless phones, tv receivers, tv's, computer ups's, lamps, alarm clocks. it is just overwhelming how many things will be sold for 1/2 the value, and then replaced at 4 time the cost there.