well... I think about the amount of strength and support it took for me to GET HERE... and I am truly grateful.
the fact that I have been running for the last 9 weeks... but then again... 2 weeks visitation on location 3000 miles from home in motel 6, and then 3 weeks to pull together a large formal wedding on a microscopic budget.. and then 3 weeks to get the nursery ready and the vehicle situation resolved for my very pg daughter, and then 10 days later pull off a baby shower admist entering an entire year of bookkeeping and then totally doing my taxes for the entire year in 48 hours. I am freaking amazed that I have survived.
today was TYPICAL.. I looked all over the kitchen for breakfast, couldnt find anything good, skipped breakfast and had a 20 oz coffee. lunch, well, I got hijacked into going to the laundry mat with my parents, I did eat a cliff bar, drank a 20 sports drink, took cash so that I could walk across the street for food, some beef and broccoli, they said no, wanted to eat out tonight but then they were driving and we didnt. so while waiting, I did get a bag of animal crackers. by 4 pm I was completely shaking and getting downright sick, went to the kitchen, faced with the exact same problem, no freaking food. I was in tears. I had put a 1 oz chicken precooked in there, and a 1 oz steak precooked in there, but it was GONE.
okay, so what exactly is no food? well yes, there is food. there are eggs, that I can not get down. there is yogurt that I can not get down, there is cereal, but no milk, there is grapefruit, but ick, there is cheese, which is what I finally ate, just cheese.
I need more choices. i had asparagus in the freeze, what I have had the last two meals. just so freaking frustrating.
as for the rest of my life, that is just so difficult. I love my daughter. she has the right to screw up as she sees fit. I am trying to be supportive.
BUT.....
she circ'ed him, and now it is infected and swollen. aaauuuggghhh
he is breastfed, she gave him formula with iron and is SUPRISED that he has horrible tummy ache, terrible gas and really bad diarrhea.
BREATHE... BREATHE...
in through the nose, out through the mouth, in through the nose, out through the mouth,
there are three areas that just freaking get me going....
carseats, there is a right way and a wrong way, I spent DAYS researching seats and learning how to get them installed and it is an obsession I know.. but I completely go off on car seats.
breastfeeding, there is a right way to feed a baby and a wrong way, I can not for the life of me see, think, or believe that anyone can not 'do it' other than the dad. but I have some ideas about that too. hehehe breast is best, it takes time, no baby is born knowing, and no two babies are the same, each time, the mother has to learn all over again, but it can be done successfully. just have to be vigilant.
circumcising, there is just no civilized reason to circ a boy or a girl, I just can not believe or support it. my father, my fil, my grandfathers, my grandfather in laws, my husband, my sons, none are circ'ed and I just can not image that she would willingly do it to a perfectly adorable and sweet little guy. *sigh*
mommy is worried that she is doing this, that, or the other wrong. I am trying so disparately to be supportive, and not judgmental but it is extremely difficult. since he has been born, she has had him to the pediatrician on friday, monday, wednesday, and friday. so she is being the normal high maintenance parent. today the ped suggested supplementing with formula, I could just strangle them. him for suggesting and her for listening, she has a ton of milk, there is no reason to supplement. now she is engorged and the baby had a tummy ache. grrr.
