Naps?

okay, so I have psyched myself out of my head and now my body has followed. I am producing enough cortisol to gain 100 lbs.



overall it started with painful intercourse that led to an annual well woman exam, that led to an EKG, an Vaginal UltraSound, a complex series of blood tests and I am still not sure what is going on.

but since cancer is so readily prevalent in my immediate family (1 colon cancer death, three esophageal cancer deaths, and two breast cancer survivors) My head is messing with the rest of my body.

Lately I want to sleep all day when I am not going Mach III and up at 7 am, taking cub scouts on an outdoor community service activity, and then at 10 am going on a cub scout nature hike and teaching about first aid, sun safety, and hydration. then at 1:30 for a birthday party for 6 6 - 8 year olds and mini golf and go carts, then a photo shoot for 15 fifteen year olds and their families, and then my own family (4 adults and 3 kids) out for dinner, after a quick trip to the beauty salon, followed up by email, digital photo proofing, and such. so I push myself so hard that I literally collapse from exhaustion.

I got my shopping done about 11 pm at night after the kids finished up swim practice, and I had a scout meeting, and some laundry, and repairing the fence.

granted I am not insane, this morning, after breakfast and the kids off to school, I did lay down, read a couple of pages of a book, and promptly feel asleep and took a 4 hour nap. I do listen to my body, and I do rest but for the most part, I am still constantly feeling that my heart is racing and that there is no way I can get everything done that needs to be done by the time that it needs to be completed.

take for instance today. I have been copying files over from one computer to the other so that i can get in two portrait orders for clients. then I have to custom design and create and print 42 mothers day cards and get them mailed by 4 pm tomorrow. the boys have chess tournament today, their dad is going to take that as a responsibility, they will miss swim practice today, but that is unavoidable. Personally I am finding that I am getting 7 hours sleep a night, usually plenty for me, but still coping a 4 hour nap a couple times a week, extremely unusual for me.

I had hired someone to help me with work, but she created more work rather than reduced my workload. ;)

okay, enough of the whining, I have to get back to "WORK".

I am still waiting for the test results on the labs.

Scouts... Scouts... Scouts

Tuesday was scouts.. day camp training

Thursday was scouts.. Round table ideas

Saturday was scouts.. Pack community Project and Den Level meeting

Monday is scouts... Committee Meeting..

I swear my life has become consumed by scouts... ;)

Sunday.....

G'pa Sherman's birthday...

Set up for the Messiah Lutheran Confirmation Photoshoot and then went to Panera for breakfast, back for the shoot, done in minutes instead of hours, getting really good at this!

Birthday lunch at China Buffet, sorry that g'pa missed it, fortunately for him, it was GROSS..will not go back there again. on the way out my baby toe got caught in the door and sliced it pretty badly. Not a lot of sympathy from the girls, I sopped up the blood with one of Jordan's Diapers. wretched monsters.

they were adamant that I go with them for haircuts and spa day. they did stop at Walmart and get a first aid kit. mighty white of them. they actually wanted me to walk in there and get it myself.
wretched monsters.

after wash, hair cuts and styles, (my treat dontcha know) I went home, and they unloaded the camera equipment and left me in peace.

Dinner was homemade Pizza, courtesy of a very sweet Sverre. and early bedtime.

CUBBIES

8 - 10 - Road Side Trash Pick up... 3 cubbies and three parents to the left, 3 cubbies and three parents to the right. Donuts and peach/orange koolaid to follow.

10 -12 - Den Hike through the woods. Start out with hike essentials: first aid kit, hydration, snack food, compass, whistle, insect repellent, and rain poncho. One parent fell, and we had a real first aid situation. Everyone did well.

1 - 6 - Den birthay party and Mini golf / go carts at Mountasia. that was lots of fun. as a den we talked about what to do if you get lost or separated from adults. too much cake and ice cream, protein bar got me by.

I was so exhausted by the time that I got home that I just wanted to curl up in bed and sleep for a week. I fixed myself a fried egg withe cheese and rolled it up in a french crepe. that was pretty good.

Sweet Tomatoes

After visiting the vampires and giving 8 vials of blood for them to feast on... spent the day puttering around the house, trying to clean and organize. Low motivation lately has kept me from really wanting to keep up with everything.

sent orders in for printing, getting ready for the Cubbie day on Saturday. Picked them up before dinner.

Met up with Jazz, Krys and Jordan at Sweet Tomatoes for dinner. Erik and Magnus and Sverre were there as well, it was a BIG table.. heehee 4 adults, 3 kids, $56, seriously not that bad.

Afterwards, we zipped over to REI and got Sleeping bags and airloft bedrolls for the boys for camping. while the sale was okay, we did much better getting last year's models on the bags and that was more inline with the prices that I wanted to pay. $60 for a 10+F sleeping bag is plenty.. I was expecting to pay $100 and really was not looking forward to that. Seriously the bedrolls were more expensive than the bags. but well worth it. looks like we will be out at least 3 times a year or more now with scouts alone. Maybe even more this summer.

less girl drama

distancing myself from the drama that the twins seem to stir up. my kids don't hate me. I have had to distance myself and stick to the rules. that was difficult. more so on me than them. most recent 'issue' was that dd#1 (the one that moved from Montana to Texas) (I loaned her $800 to get here, she has to work it off helping me out) she has been here for 2 months. she wanted to go back up to montana for the weekend so that she could 'pack' the rest of her stuff, to put in storage, not to move it down here yet, but the boyfriend is moving out of the house and in with his parents and after a few minutes of queries, I deducted that she wanted a bootie call. not that I blame her, but I am not paying for a bootie call. heehee she said that she only needed $500 for the plane ticket. I said no. she wondered if her sister would pay for it. I said if her sister had $500 she could pay me back darn it. she begged. she pleaded. she whined. she cajoled. I was pretty easy going about it. (she is bipolar and I do not like to make her cry, and she cries pretty easily) and finally after about two days of it, I lost my temper.

as a mom, most will understand that you can be pretty cheerful and calm about saying no without it being too painful. and then you get the TONE.

let me tell you about the TONE.

I had to use the TONE with my DH in January. and basically I freaked him, his mom, his dad, everyone out with the TONE. it is the "you just crossed the line, you just went into no mans land, and I have just now turned into the TERMINATOR" tone.

it is one of the most cold hearted suppressed rage low pitched monotone that will definitely convey that someone will die if someone does not get the hell away from me.

with dh:
he gave me the silent treatment for a week, fine with me, I do not play games. I ignored him. he decided to 'have a chat with me' I said that I had been thinking about it as well and I had decided that he needed to go back to norway and do not let the immigration door hit him in the @$$ on the way out. I was serious as a heart attack, I was ready to file for divorce and there would be no negotiation. he could have erik, I would keep magnus and he would pay $XXX child support and I had already modified my schedule to pay for the house payment and he could leave on the next flight and I was not kidding and he knew it. the fact that I was so unemotional I think is what scared him the most. He wisely took me seriously.

JAZZ on the other hand must have realized that I was serious, I explain to her in the same deadly cold tone that I was not shelling out another single penny to help another single soul in this family until after I had spent money to go see Naomi *(#3 daughter, living with autism) and that I had already denied her a visit for spring break in deference to #1 and #2 daughters "NEEDS" and that was a one time deal, and it would not happen again. Naomi Needs were Next and not negotiable. the discussion was closed, it was not brought up again and everyone is gliding under the radar.

I do not know why it has to get to that point. why everyone clamors, me, me, me, me until I get to the point that I have to turn into THAT type of person that I have to adopt that Persona of full out death biach.

anyways, all is quiet on the southern front. I am pushing myself hard on the boys schedule of events. finishing up chess club tournament (#4 of 5 is undefeated to date) #5 of 5 is just happy to move his pieces around on the board, (totally fine with me)

Scouts is supposedly winding down however, I have five meetings this week, so I really do not see it letting up yet. we might have a break in july/ august, but I doubt it.

we started swim team and so they have daily practice 5 days a week, meets on saturday.

oh get this.. I could just kill DH.. we could have a free family portait session with Doug Box, and a $200 credit towards our prints, DH says no, only wants me to do out family session (i set it up, and one of the girls fire the trigger) (AUGH) so the boys will pose for Dennis Craft on Wednesday in College station. just so frustrating, I want one of ME and the FAMILY.

okay, enough whining... yes, for those that are reading, my family is the poster family for dysfunctional. (rolling eyes) my dh is still trying to save the planet, refuses to get a new car (we have one car, a hybrid) and we are still hanging clothes out on the clothes line to save the environment, however, I did force him to get me a dishwasher on saturday, my hands are dying. I embarrassed the dickens out of him with my tirade to the salesman when the guy said 14 days, that it must be 72 hours or I was going to have to hurt someone. *sigh*

My tummy has been so very unhappy lately

I am not sure what is going on with my tummy, if it needs to be reset or what.

I know that I do not eat what I should. but then again, I do eat less than most that are May Babies. so my volume is fine. maybe even less than most. as for stretched, there is no risk of that. I do not think that I need the liquids to solids transition...

I most likely need to break the mint habit. I am sucking them down, well, like mints. ;) it is a breath thing from the high protein / low carb diet and ketone release. not to mention all the coffee that I am sucking down.

I am not sure what is up with all the dumping lately. I am still protein based, and I can dump on milk and cheerios (last night) and cream of wheat (two days ago) and yesterday, I dumped on a hard boiled egg before I even got my first cup of coffee. and you know that a hard boiled egg has no sugar in it. (dumped so bad that I passed out on the couch for 3 hours and 45 minutes). this morning I had two scrambled eggs and was fine.

so as for 'contribution' I guess I was just whining. I thought about it. I think that there is something different with my pouch, but I do not think that the 5 day would fix it. I think that I will just have to do a 5 day diet recall and figure out what is it that is causing my blood sugar to shoot up or down randomly.
I can usually fix a starvation blood sugar issue with two slices of american cheese, takes about as long to fix my shakes as it takes to eat it. cheese has 0 sugars,

the liquid lactose free milk that has 13 grams of sugar, and the cheerios have 2 g of sugar (22 grams of carbs) and THAT could have been enough to send me into lala land.. yet... I can down chocolate and candy like there is no tomorrow and have no reaction what so ever.

sweetened yogurt sends me spiraling... plain is tolerable.

I need to look more into the fact that at 24 months, it is a hole new ball game. btw.. anyone else getting a terrible little (no so little) muffin belly (looks like the top of a muffin that spills out of the top of the jeans)?

what is up with that? no place else. just my belly!
shar pei

that gave me the giggles.. that is the state and condition of parts of my body.

parts now are completely ballooning out like the michelin man



*sigh*

last night I ate a salad and puked and puked and puked... finally a 1/4 slice of un-chewed egg white came up and whew, what a relief that was. today was better.. pancake, salad, chicken, slice of pizza, more salad, small piece of bread stick, more pancake. very carby, but all treating me well.

I better go drinks some more. think I will make me a nice hot tea and a good movie.
yesterday was a pretty typical day:
breakfast was waffles that my 8 year old son made from scratch. I had 1 and then an hour later had a second one.

lunch was a protein bar (20 g of protein - 220 calories) and 1/2 and apple with p'butter

dinner was a bbq sandwich, three slices of watermelon, strawberries, blackberries, one slice of cantelope, handful of chips, 1.5 glasses of sweet tea and a small undercooked brownie

throw in some nuts through out the day and some propel and some chocolate covered raisins, and that was my day.

everything stayed down, and my overall gain was fine. sadly, I got on the scale this morning and it is up.

I can attribute that to:
AF just left
I am a chocoholic
I am severely dehydrated
I am a chocoholic

so goal this week... HYDRATE.. CHEW and HYDRATE.

my body has repositioned AGAIN. my breast bones are extremely protrusive but my belly is out there like I was 5 months pg. if I put on pants, I need a size 6 for my waist to fit comfortably, but a size 4 for my but to fit comfortably and seriously I could get a size 2 for my thighs on down. but that belly is killing me. and I am applying the yeast creme to my belly button to get rid of that smell.

school pictures.... *sigh*

Erik is such a big handsome young man.

Magnus is getting so much better at smiling for 'other' photographers.

Heart Palpitations

I do not know about ya'll but I would like to know what happened to my world.

I am still not done with my taxes and they have to be filed today.

I have a photoshoot in Tomball Texas for Jasmine's 5 year old class (she is a private school teacher there for St Anne's Catholic School (she moved from Montana to Texas in March 2008)

I have cub scouts at 6:30 pm, tonight is Den Photos (and I am the photographer) Erik's Den has run-ons (telling knock knock jokes) and Magnus' Den has Cheers.

I have a volunteer appreciation breakfast in the morning, and then I have my annual well woman in the after noon and a special client shoot after that at Vintage Park in the Evening.

the boys have scout fair on Saturday, we are in the middle of Chess Tournament and Erik is undefeated so far... even against 5th graders. he is skilled, but more effectively he is extremely confident player and is very intimidating (he would scare the crap out of me which is method of playing).

We recently went to a cubscout pack camp out at Brazos Bend State Park, went to the astronomy observatory, and next is the 'wolf' graduation and mother pinning ceremony tonight. They are already signed up for camp for June. which falls immediately after.

Swimming Team. Erik and Magnus both made the competition swimming team from the neighboring subdivision. They are now part of the Spring Creek Forest Sharks. they have practice 5 days a week for 1/2 -3/4 of an hour, and competition on Saturdays.

My photography business is still trudging along. but I seriously do not know how I find time to brush my teeth in the morning. out dishwasher went out in February, same weekend as the dryer, I have been to home depot and lowes, but can not find what I want, so we are washing by hand, and hanging to dry on the clothes line in the back yard. good news is that our power bill dropped $50 from same month last year, even with the price hike, so we are really probably saving closer to $75 with the economizing. http://www.barefootsmiles.com

I am drinking more coffee than ever, and my heart is constantly racing with the stress. Erik's best friend spent the night last night, his mom went in the hospital this morning for a hysterectomy, I fell asleep watching New Amsterdam on Replay. There are just not enough hours in the day.

The grandbaby, http://www.jordanjasonmiles.com is just getting so big, I can not believe it. I am constantly amazed at how fast it goes. his daddy is finishing up training in Missouri for the Marine Corp, his mom and his aunt are sharing a house in Tomball, Texas.

extremely short update

we went camping at brazos bend state park and saw alligators on the nature hike, and then the boys played flag football, erik was the running back and Magnus was a tackle.

the boys raced their homemade rocket ships made out of balsam wood, and rubber bands and propellers on fishing line, Magnus got second place for the whole tiger group (double elimination).

then the boys had astronomy lessons, and were able to go into the big telescope in a dome and see Saturn, and 5 moons, and the orion nebula, and the seven sisters, and the beehive, and polaris,

we had Red Hot Apples (brown sugar, red hots, in the core of an apple, wrapped in aluminum foil, and baked in the fire coals for 10 minutes) and gingerbread pudding (gingerbread and applesauce) in a dutch oven, smores, and wieners, and slept in the tent for two nights.

then yesterday, the boys tried out and made the swim team, they will be on the Spring Creek Forest Sharks. they have swim practice every day after school and once school is out, every morning, they have tournaments every Saturday until the fourth of July. they will be in the pool 6 days a week until the 4th of July.

morning status

Naomi does not 'do' email. it is just not one of her abilities.

Jasmine is now living here in Texas near us. She came over last night, and babysat the boys and cleaned out the garage a bit to get ready for a garage sale in a couple of weeks. we are going camping this coming weekend.

Krystal she is now living with Jasmine waiting for her husband to get a permanent duty station, either in Georgia or California.

Erik and Magnus are finishing up school and the current requirements for their cubscouts

My mom/dad were down for a visit during spring break, that I spent the majority of working but working is good, income is good. they are now on thier way to Arizona to visit Bill's sister and her husband. they plan to see the Grand Canyon.

I am taking it fairly today, the pollen has done a number on my sinuses and throat. I felt a little tickle last night, but was able to attend a wonderful dinner party with 27 others to celebrate a friends 50th birthday. I woke up this morning, barely able to talk. Drinking lots of hot tea and hoping to feel better tomorrow (I have a 9 am morning session)

Museum of Fine Arts in Klein,Texas

Erik and Magnus Attended the Ribbon Cutting Ceremony

body by sara lee?

I find that I have a muffin top billowing out over my belt on my pants and think. this is so much better than it was two years ago.

the scales have inched up nearly 10 lbs from when I was hysterically freaking out that I was never going to stop losing, this is so much better than it was a year ago.

I am not taking any medication for any previous ailments, this is so much better than the last 20 years.

my body will go into a sugar coma if I over indulge, I am still able to get cues from my body, and that is much better than I imagined.

head hunger sucks... and that is what I am sure is sabotaging my currently. I find that I am HOOVERING pillow mints or trail mix and I truly have to fight myself to just stop and back away from the food.

I ran into a 'friend' in the store yesterday, she totally didn't recognize me, and I didn't bother to say hi, what was the point, if she had been a friend, she wouldn't have missed out on the last two years and the change wouldn't have been so drastic that she didn't recognize me. I have maintained a net loss of 125.5 lbs.

the part that has not changed and kept up with 'me' is my head. I still do not believe 'in me' yet, I am still very critical of my self and my abilities and my future. there are times that I really do not feel confident in getting a certain size, that there is no wiggle room in should I gain another 5 lbs.

reformed? yes. complete? no.

2008 Chess Tournament

Magnus is a pouncing pawn and Erik is a noble knight

Advance From Level	Game Record Points or Games
Level 1 Pouncing Pawns	None
Level 2 Nifty Knights	300 points or 20 games
Level 3 Nifty Knights	400 points or 25 games
Level 4 Noble Knights	500 points or 25 games
Level 5 Bold Bishops	600 points
Level 6 Battling Bishops	600 points
Level 7 Blazing Bishops	600 points
Level 8 Raging Rooks	700 points
Level 9 Roaring Rooks	700 points

SPRING BREAK- Monday II

Cub Scouts...

we get up at 7:00 am, drive down to the Galleria and take a tour of the Sunny 99.1 studio.
the boys got to talk on the radio, sing a jingle, it was really cute!

and FINALLY... I spend the day working in my yard relaxing and enjoying the day... something FOR ME. About ME. what I want to get done on my spring break. yes. a project that is DONE.

SPRING BREAK- Sunday II

Forgot about EASTER.. decided that if Halloween is about candy, and Christmas is about candy, and Valentines is about candy, forget it, enough candy.

10 am, Krys called requesting that I bring something to eat. fine. Ham it is. all the grocery stores are closed, lovely. Kroger is open, get essentially two paper sacks of groceries for $100. what a rip off.

burn the ham in 3 hours, fine. drive 17.5 miles out to the boonies.. nearly get ran over by a crotch rockets passing everyone as if he was late for dinner, and get out there to everyone smoking, and dogs and what not. grrr.

Krys put in a "R" rated movie for the boys (ages 6 and 8) sent them to the other living room, where they 'risked' waking up the baby, finally sent them to the car, too much drama.

got 1/2 hour tech support with the taxes. what a challenge. got the announcement that the granparent units would not be staying to help me with project. figures. Just as long as everyone else got what they needed I guess. fine.

SPRING BREAK- Saturday

OMG... 3658 professional images taken in 4 days, 9 hours, and 44 minutes....

I do not know how many orders will come from this. but WHOAA.. I am going to have to take a nap!

Galveston Island, Texas

Magnus thought that spring break at Galveston island would be fun! but the water should have been warmer!

SPRING BREAK- Wednesday

okay, yes I am a bit anal and picky about my images.

1389 images to start.... delete 1117 images.. leaving less than 20% that I feel are acceptable.

the big kids were in a good mood, so that went much better. still a heavy shooting day.

after the children's pictures, we went to the Duck Pond for two private sessions.

Drove home and went with the two Seniors from Kansas to The woodlands mall to find some clothes and take some sunset portraits at Landry's.

SPRING BREAK- Tuesday

Drove 75 miles to Huntsville for work, got everything set up 2 minutes ahead of schedule, FORGOT MY CAMERA BAG!!!

OMG!!!

Hubby who had to stay home to watch the boys (including Erik's BFF, Nick) who were on Spring break, had to drive all the way up and rescue the photographer, ended up getting breakfast for the boys at McDonalds... Pancakes all around)

I was sick the rest of the day!

the babies cried.

the teachers cried.

the photographer cried.

449 images for 15 children, the odds were not good. Abby, Noah, and Kiki were the only smiles that day!

SPRING BREAK- Monday

VA ER - My dad got into the poison oak and had a severe allergic reaction. 1 hour drive down, 4 hours in the ER, and 1 hour drive back.. that was day one of my Spring Break.

Packed up the car to go to the Children's House in Huntsville for Day One of Two days of daycare portraits.

Dinner was prepared, served, and eaten, but for the life of me, I could not tell you what it was.

SPRING BREAK- Sunday

"unexpected" visitor showed up after dinner for pizza.. The Grandparents drove down from Montana for a visit, helping Jazz with a load of belongings as she progresses in her move.

they were driving the Dodge with the camper, they are very adventurous in their old age. Grandpa had a horrible boil on his arm and terrible spots all over from tangling in the weeds.

Nauseated

I think that it is one of my favorite words. I find it difficult to spell correctly, I use it all the time and why? well most of the time, I am under so much stress, that I feel it all the time. FIVE children can do that to you. (5) of them. There is never a day that goes by that someone does not have an issue, and occasionally one come up that EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM have an issue.

Starting with the youngest instead of the oldest today:
Magnus. Magnus was born in June, so naturally we have the summer birthday / too young for school. should he wait a year, should he keep trying and failing. should he repeat a year. should we hire a tutor, or should we wonder if there is just something wrong with our little guy? Currently he is about 12 month behind in development for reading. while he has a tremendous vocabulary, and his math skills are excellent. he can not handle sight words and reads laboriously when we force him. He loves for use to read to him. he just hates the frustration of reading himself. My teacher / counselor meeting today was a hour long and it is just so frustrating that the teacher can not make accommodations for him because of state laws. It is so hard to know what to do. Right now he wants to be home schooled because he is so frustrated at school, constantly being prodded, bullied, bribed to perform at a level of expectation that he is not capable of.

Cub Scouts Blue and Gold Banquet

I am extremely pround of my handsome cub scouts.

Cub Scouts Blue and Gold Banquet

Handsome Handsome Boys!

serious giggles today

Maxine was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up toward heaven, she said, 'Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up sex and tequila.'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

She looked up again and said, 'Never mind. I found one. '

My Little Guys are just not that little anymore

a serious fact that I am faced with each night when Erik falls asleep next to me in bed, carrying him to his bed has become a heavy load. I may have to start putting some limits on that since he has surpassed the 60 lb limit.

Happy Valentines from my handsome boys

I am so proud of my cute little Valentines!

Grand Baby - Barefoot Creation Photography

Jordan Jason is 1 year old. That is the fastest year in history!

He is just such a smiley bug..

it is 3:15 in the morning

Jordan is a total doll, he woke up at 3:15 am (again) and so I have been up for two hours, now the tricky things is that he was screaming his bloody head off, and his mom gets all excited when I go in to take care of him, she is trying that CIO crap to get him to sleep through the night. (do not get me started) so I went down stairs, made him a bottle, brought it back upstairs and by that time, he was quiet, so I stood outside of their door and listened, (I am such a helicopter parent/grandparent) and he was done crying. FINE. ;) I set the bottle on the counter in the bathroom outside of the bedroom door and I went back to bed. and tossed and turned. went to check on #4of5 (son) and he was up, he had fallen asleep on the spare mattress in my office, before I shut down for hte night, and woke up early was watching tv on his computer. I sent him back to sleep. yeah right. I went back to bed, tossed, turned, got up to work write down an idea I had for my business card, I went back to bed, tossed, turned, got up to make me a snack, 1 egg with grated cheese and peach salsa, and then got so hungry, I made cream of wheat too. while I was waiting for that to cook, I emptied and loaded the dishwasher (#4of5's job) and came back up to my office with cream of wheat and noticed that #2.1 (grandson) is relatively quiet but making some slurping sounds, his mom had got up to pee, found the bottle, and had put it to good use (see I was needed after all). on many levels I want them to get their own place and yet, situations like that I do not. she would have made him 'suffer' til morning, and it just breaks my heart. I can not believe that the little one will be 1 on Valentines Day. seems like it was just last month she was getting married, just last month that she was pregnant, and yesterday that he was born.

sweet mother of gawd, no wonder I am freezing to death in this house.. it is 36'F out there.

as for my business... you never forget your love. your passion. sometimes things just have to simmer on the back burner when your family comes first. I have been prioritizing my family first (kids, grandkids, scouts), my business second (daycares, families, weddings, boudoir), and my online community(setexaspc, props) last. I am thinking about leaving the ppa because I just do not have time for it. so many things are just kicking my tail right now.

The Female of the Species - 1911

When the Himalayan peasant meets the he-bear in his pride,
He shouts to scare the monster, who will often turn aside.
But the she-bear thus accosted rends the peasant tooth and nail.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

When Nag the basking cobra hears the careless foot of man,
He will sometimes wriggle sideways and avoid it if he can.
But his mate makes no such motion where she camps beside the trail.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

When the early Jesuit fathers preached to Hurons and Choctaws,
They prayed to be delivered from the vengeance of the squaws.
'Twas the women, not the warriors, turned those stark enthusiasts pale.
For the female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Man's timid heart is bursting with the things he must not say,
For the Woman that God gave him isn't his to give away;
But when hunter meets with husband, each confirms the other's tale --
The female of the species is more deadly than the male.

Man, a bear in most relations-worm and savage otherwise, --
Man propounds negotiations, Man accepts the compromise.
Very rarely will he squarely push the logic of a fact
To its ultimate conclusion in unmitigated act.

Fear, or foolishness, impels him, ere he lay the wicked low,
To concede some form of trial even to his fiercest foe.
Mirth obscene diverts his anger --- Doubt and Pity oft perplex
Him in dealing with an issue -- to the scandal of The Sex!

But the Woman that God gave him, every fibre of her frame
Proves her launched for one sole issue, armed and engined for the same;
And to serve that single issue, lest the generations fail,
The female of the species must be deadlier than the male.

She who faces Death by torture for each life beneath her breast
May not deal in doubt or pity -- must not swerve for fact or jest.
These be purely male diversions -- not in these her honour dwells.
She the Other Law we live by, is that Law and nothing else.

She can bring no more to living than the powers that make her great
As the Mother of the Infant and the Mistress of the Mate.
And when Babe and Man are lacking and she strides unclaimed to claim
Her right as femme (and baron), her equipment is the same.

She is wedded to convictions -- in default of grosser ties;
Her contentions are her children, Heaven help him who denies! --
He will meet no suave discussion, but the instant, white-hot, wild,
Wakened female of the species warring as for spouse and child.

Unprovoked and awful charges -- even so the she-bear fights,
Speech that drips, corrodes, and poisons -- even so the cobra bites,
Scientific vivisection of one nerve till it is raw
And the victim writhes in anguish -- like the Jesuit with the squaw!

So it cames that Man, the coward, when he gathers to confer
With his fellow-braves in council, dare not leave a place for her
Where, at war with Life and Conscience, he uplifts his erring hands
To some God of Abstract Justice -- which no woman understands.

And Man knows it! Knows, moreover, that the Woman that God gave him
Must command but may not govern -- shall enthral but not enslave him.
And She knows, because She warns him, and Her instincts never fail,
That the Female of Her Species is more deadly than the Male.

Happy Valentines?

I can not decide: red to match the rose petals?or Peach to match the skin tone?

coffee or beer?

here is a really good question that I should answer before I print any massive marketing.. also why each year I start this in January/February and I never follow through.

I do not know who I am. I do not know what I do. I do not know what my brand is.

I have several domain names because I want to be able to separate one clientèle from the other, but then again. someone that wants me for one thing, may want me for another, so

do I dump them all into one big toy box, or do I get totes and bins and separate out like the legos from the hot wheel cars, the puzzles from the gameboy controllers?

I am a separator from the word go. but I may be making it too hard on myself if I have to create as many different interfaces as my business 'needs'.

possible listings:
barefootgiggles.com for babies and bellies

barefootcreation.com for families or maybe this would be better for
barefootsmiles.com for wedding/ bridals or maybe this would be better for boudoir?
katamundsen.com for boudoir/nudes or maybe this would be better for seniors
barefootangels.com for ???

barefootclassics.com for classic and car club project

then I can figure out which name I want associated with which part of the business. but then what if it is something that I do not want to do in 5 years. or what if someone that wants family, goes to the site that is for boudoir? you see.. this is why I drink a pot of coffee each day and I never get anything done!!!!

I had a party saturday night, and someone heard my name, and said, Oh I have heard of 'you', meaning Barefoot Creations. But do I lose something that I would gain if it was more 'Macys' and less BedBathBeyond or Pottery Barn and specialized.

I think I need to switch from Starbucks to Corona now, it is 10 minutes after five and I am feeling the strain on my brain. someone tell me what to do. I can not make a choice anymore.

I seriously do not know what my brain dysfunction is. now I spent the day fiddling around with the new business card. fine. that was so not productive. do I want to use a blue logo, a black logo, a flesh colored logo, or a red logo to match the rose petals.

do i want my name to be larger than the business name? or smaller?
to I make my name long, or double stacked? you see where this is going right? Horizontal or vertical... left justified or right? bold or italics?

do I want Equal or Splenda? half and half or skim milk? PAPER OR PLASTIC? beer in the bottle, on tap., oh hell, just get me a keg and I will do keg stands tonight. I am never going to get anything accomplished by valentines.. I so totally suck at this.

Harley or Mirror?

Marketing is not my strong suit: Vertical Business Cards?Or Horizontal? should my business name be bigger or smaller than my personal name?

oh those LEI Jeans (size 5L)

I have one of those pair of jeans. LEI, the ones that appear skin tight, but really are not, and after a couple of hours actually tend to fall off and I am constantly hiking them back up. anyways, yes, they get the looks.

Stacy London and Clinton Kelly would love them, but most chubby moms at the school just hate me in them. my first reaction is the say to myself, I can not help it if you choose not to do something, and then the second reaction is, it is not my job to help it. I choose this, with all that goes with it (I can still empty my entire tummy in three shots in the toilet if I get a stricture) and I know that at 420, you would tell me that you just couldn't do it. and your probably right, I do not know what the percentages are, but I am sure that we are in the minority of DOING SOMETHING about it.

my wow moment was not that I did heavy yard work that would have busted most grown men's @$$ Friday, Saturday and today, but that I did it with minimal breaks, mostly to get water not to 'rest'. I have a hellofa lot more stamina now than I did 18 months ago.

Focus on the Bootie or the Legs?

Highs and Lows

yesterday was day of mixed emotions. my grandson's first birthday party, I busted the scale, 156.6, that is up 13.5 lbs from my lowest low in 2006. I can not imagine how, since I busted my tail in the yard for 6 hours solid, two days this week, raking leaves, picking them up with a pitchfork, and standing on them in the trashcan, 17 (40 gallon) bags later the yard looks great, I feel wretched.

while I was working, I was drinking water or vitamin water. I ate two 1/2 sandwiches with smoked turkey and a slice of cheese to keep my blood sugar level, but towards the end, I was still getting woozie.

the birthday party was nice, BBQ'd me a killer little steak, I ate it with my fingers, it was that good. it held me off for a couple of hours and then sitting at the table, with sugar cookies, cheeze crackers, and birthday cake, just kicked my tail. by the time I went to bed, I was seriously dumping from all the cake (no frosting, just cake). I tried to get more water down, but that was just not happening.

I plan to get more water down today, so far I have had one pancake, and a couple of handfuls of trails mix. Maybe I should make me a tea or coffee.

I did make some good contacts yesterday, potential bride for December and two disgruntled brides that want their images redone, that would be nice. pick them up as lifetime customers before the babies start coming. it is 10:45 am and I am still waiting for Krys to get up out of bed to get her Wedding shots redone, I am still not happy with what we got from the wedding, so Jason is going to put on his dress blues and we got her dress cleaned this week, and will 'try again; Patty is coming down next month, and we will redo her and Krys' images as well before we start the album process.

two steps back

from the other side of the fence. I am at goal. I am in the size that I only dreamed about when I was 17.

I have muffin rolls.. I look like the michelin man. http://skitzzo.com/images/michelin.jpg

however, when I ask my dh, he is all like, oh baby, I want you every minute of everyday. but he wanted me like that before I got skinny.

at one point, I was nakid, and from the back, he said onetime that I look perfect, all my skin is from boobs to pelvic bone.

what I am finding this week is that I am on the scale every single day and it is creeping up. .5 a lb here and there to where I am starting to get sick with worry but I am still nibbling on that Kaluha Chocolate Pudding Chocolate Cake with Cappuccino icing and each time I do it, I swear, when this is gone, I will never bake again.

I switched and got a full plate last night, big mistake, but It was just irritating me to no end that I was not eating off of a grown up plate, I took 80% of what my husband took as a portion, and I ate 75% of it, I actually scrapped off about what I should have taken. but I am just frustrated with how much work I have had to go through.

it is not that I do not get support, I get tons. it is not that my husband is not adoring my body, he loves it, fat, thin, he doesnt care. seriously. it is just my own issues. what I am willing to settle for and right now I find that I am willing to settle and allow those 7 lbs to come back and I wonder if I am willing to gain 1 extra pound a month, maybe I am dumb enough to allow that to continue for the next 24 months and then I will be on my way to the next level. allowing it all to go back, because it already has to some extent. I do not eat three times a day anymore, I graze and grab what I can when I think about it. hover mints and candies at my desk because I do not stop to think about me, I feel pressured from myself to get everything done.

I am putting myself back under the 'super mom' mode. be there for the kids at school. be there for the kids at cub scouts. be there for the grand baby. be there for my daughters. be there for my customers. be there for my friends. be there for my career development. be there for my finances. be there for my home and yard. be there for every other bloody thing. it is just as if I have not learned a freaking thing in the last two years.

Laughed until I hurt

A teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots?

He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked, and sure enough, they were.

It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "....These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?", like she wanted to. Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said,"They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, "....Now, where are your mittens?"

He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

She will be eligible for parole in three years.

fairly good mood for some reason

must be the Kahlua chocolate pudding chocolate bunt cake with cappuccino icing. I made the icing with powdered sugar and folgers cappuccino mix.. drizzled back and forth over a hot steaming cake and then let it cook into a semi hard state before slicing each sliver of coffee heaven... wow I get excited just thinking about it. LOL

we are freezing and wondering just how much longer winter will really be. 48'F is just not civilized.

yesterday as way to stressful for me with my family tugging at my apron strings. today has totally ROCKED OUT!!

I made a list of things to do, I have friends that are thinking about me. I have a family that is coping on their own. I am needed as a helper for the B&B in Houston, that is totally rocking my world. I got a new client last night. I am just too happy for words. my 22 year old daughter is apparently moving out this weekend. I have been extremely busy this week, lots of photos to edit, I have a big deadline tomorrow and another one on Friday, I am not sure how I will survive the SPRING season, which will start in a month and then all hell will surely break loose here.

I have hired a personal assistant and she is working on the bookkeeping and will be running a few errands to keep me from loosing my mind. I am registered for a class in two weeks that I am extremely excited about, it is maternity and new born photography, but the marketing I am sure will benefit all aspects of my business.

if I were any kind of good girl, I would spend a moment to put together a slideshow of the boys over the last few months and send it. it is seriously on my list of 'to do' and has been for MONTHS. I just need about 5 or 6 more hours in each day.
today I was able to get Chava' cards reordered, Keith's order delivered, Lexa's order processed and shipped, Krys's dress to the cleaners, dinner cooked, dishes washed, bed stripped and all the comforter blankets washed, both boys homework done, boys room cleaned and vacuumed, a note to Magnus teacher, he is being tested for dyslexia, trying to figure out why he has SUCH a hard time reading sight words (bank of words that kids should be able to recognize by sight without sounding out) as well as dealing with Sverre whom is sick and 'needy' heehee

awe man, now he is complaining that I can not do laundry properly, heehee I swear, he is so 'fired'. this morning it was the dishwasher and the kitchen sink not being clean enough. now it is the mixing cotton and synthetics in the wash. goodness gracious. he is sick and not able to clean, I clean, and I do not clean properly. I may fedex him home to Norway. giggle giggle

but anyways, back to work and family. we have been running nonstop with the boys activities. scouting Friday night, Saturday, and Monday night, chess club Tuesday, and homework in between, there is a girl that is really good friends with Erik, her mom works late, and rarely gets dinner on the table before bedtime. last night she ate over with Erik's friend nicks house, tonight she ate over with us. I feel sorry for her, she is really a sweet kid (she is in 5th grade, but totally loves hanging out with Erik and nick both 2nd graders. she really looks like a boy, and has very few friends, so I can see how she is grateful for the boys including her, but it makes no sense that she has no friends since she is really very nice.

okay, I have got to get to bed, before Sverre shuts off the light before I am ready.

Coming out of the Closet

MySpace
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Cub Scouts Pine Car Derby

Magnus is very intense as he prepares to "release" the race cars.. his is the red and silver on in the 3rd position. Erik raced this day as well.

buddy.. my buddy..

now that I have all these buddies.. time to visit them at home, bring a pint of coffee and a scone

Marissa is as sweet as sweet tea, helpful and kind to a fault.
http://www.sutherlandphotography.com

Sarah is a true angel, she and I have been down the same road with hard lessons and simple realities
http://www.sarahfreel.com

Christie is just a hoot and a hollar over yonder and I am still trying to figure her out, definately a cup of java during the Babies and Bellies in two weeks are in order!
http://www.christielacyphotography.com

Melissa is in Missouri and if it is the SHOW me state.. what would she SHOW me? heehee
http://capturesintime.com

Joy is really a Joy.. and her images make me get all misty eyed. I would love how to capture the emotion that she does in her images.
http://www.joyhamiltonphotography.com

Michelle is much braver than I, she is willing to put her self out there and compete. I am no where near that brave.
http://www.michellemisner.com

Tina: Florida.. I can do Florida, Florida is warm. website is just breathtaking.. I am truly humbled by the experience. and the blog matches the website.. oh baby.. I am gonna really get to know TINA.. she totally rocks.
http://www.nitzphotography.com

Chrissie is in Pennsylvania... that has got to be COLD right about now, so visiting is just not an option... it is not only the beauty of the eyes that she captures in her little peps, but the beauty in the landscapes that are obviously for FUN. that tells me that she loves her craft.
http://www.craysor.com

South Carolina... Kim is something of a creative genius. even my grandson, sitting on my laugh breathed serious sighs when he saw the babies.
http://www.EarthAngelPortraits.com

OOOPs
http://www.portraitsbyapi.com

http://www.annecompanionphotography.com

Weekly Menu

Grilled Monday:
onions, bell peppers in one pan
broccoli and carrots in the steamer
corn and peas in second pan
chicken with seasoning salt in caste iron
heat and serve with Contadina Sweet & Sour Sauce

Taco Tuesday:
I lay a flour tortilla on the saucer, smeared sour cream over it, laid a leaf of romaine lettuce, would have sliced up some avocado if I had it, sprinkle some picante sauce, caramelized onions and bell peppers, some grilled chicken or hamburger, sprinkle with mozzarella cheese, roll tightly .. oh baby

Wednesday:
spaghetti... same marinara sauce as Sunday Pizza over whole wheat spaghetti

Soup and Sandwich Thursday
grilled cheese on whole wheat and hard boiled egg sliced and served in the middle of a bowl of Amy's chunky tomato bisque

Fish Friday:
I go to the local fish monger. he gets the freshest freshest fish flown in... it is amazing. currently we are on the 'Kona Kampachi' Kick. this stuff has the texture of chicken, you can not over cook it and you can not under cook it. it is AMAZING. I sprinkle with lemon pepper, italian seasoning and cook on the stovetop in caste iron for 30 minutes (1 lb filet) with out any oil, served with steamed broccoli and baby carrots.

French Crepes Saturday:
Every Saturday we make up these little darlings, I sliced up a banana in mine, roll, slice and devour.
3 eggs
2 cups of milk
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp cardamon
1 cup of flour

Pizza Sunday:
we make a pizza dough with arrowhead mills unbleached white flour water, honey, yeast, oil. toppings are homemade marinara, (1 can diced tomato, 1 can tomato sauce, 1/2 can sliced black olives, Italian seasoning. on the pie, we put mushrooms, bell peppers, onions, pineapple and shredded Italian four cheese blend. bake and slice into 8 slices, I get one. my dh gets 3, erik 2, and magnus 2

sadly, this is truly how structured our dinners are, EVERY SINGLE WEEK since 1999. they rarely deviate. every 6 weeks we might eat out at a salad bar by the mall. occasionally I will go out of town and eat at an olive garden, or meet clients at a steak house. but for the most part, we buy the exact same ingredients every week in the exact same quantities and we do not deviate. my dh does 90% of the cooking and this is what he knows, this is what he does, and this is what makes him happy. he cooks, I do not complain. ;)

New Years resolution to get healthier?

the weight loss is done. I am 20 months out from when I went to the doctor and she said, lose it or die.

I have been stable at 150lbs for 12 months so I am considered a success.

the extra skin has shrank up nicely in all honesty and so far I would LIKE to have plastic surgery but I really do not think that I NEED plastic surgery, so since it is such a PITA to heal, I will just by pass that whole thing and consider myself DONE.

the funny thing about this is, while my tummy is about the size of a fist, and I can only eat 1/2 a kids meal at Olive Garden, I do not really gain or lose from month to month. yesterday I made myself a ham sandwhich and I got down a little over 1/2 before I was full, gave the rest to Krys. I know now that I really need to just make 1/2 of one instead of wasting them or hoping that someone will come along and help me eat something. heehee at Olive garden, krys didnt finish my alfredo pasta, but she did finish my salad for me. her husband didnt say anything about us sharing (I stole about three bites of Jordan's Lasagna), I am sure he thinks that we are nuts.

I consume about 1K calories a day and am looking healthy. I got some 'fat' back in my face and do not look as stark anymore. I find myself on the scales about three times a week now, just double checking that I am not going over my goal weight. I was 147 for so many months that now I get a small heart flutter when it says 151, I really would have preferred to bounce between 145 and 150 instead of 149 and 151, it is kinda upsetting that that bothers me, but I know that if I can accept 151, then it is easy to accept 154 and then well 154 is okay, so 158 wouldnt be so bad, and next thing you know, I am right back to where I was. so I am keeping my eye on the scale and if I stay up over 151 for too many days, I cut back on the snacks and increase the protein and increase the fluids.

but I am sure you were really just wondering if things were getting easier yet, huh? heehee which for the most part, they are. I do not count stuff anymore, I do not measure stuff anymore, I do not fret about grams of this and calories of that and ounces of the other. I just live my life now and try to keep my blood sugar balanced. if the glucose gets too high (two or three oreos), I am having a serious hot flash, if it gets to low, (skipping meals) I am freezing like a Popsicle in December.

but I have not had to change up my clothes sizes in 12 months, so that rocks. I just finished my 'theoretically' last trip to the store to get the 'basics', I got 4 sweat shirts and 2 sweat pants and 2 tops and a polar fleece jacket to sleep/lounge around the house when I am not 'working'.

I watched What Not To Wear for two years, and now I do not know how those people expect to get a whole wardrobe done in like two days, I do not care if you are in NYC, that is nuts. it took me 12 months to get a whole wardrobe. and 15% I bought and then threw out, because while it looked good on the hanger, after it was washed 5 or 6 times, it looked like hell. I founds some designers that I like now, so that helps. I stay out of Sears and stick to Kohls, and sadly, Ralph Lauren holds up much better than White Stag. which sucks. ;) since White stag is about $9 and Ralph Lauren even in a resale shop is about $18. I really wish I had a personal shopper at Kohls, that place is great for deals, but it is poorly organized as far as where the misses stuff is and how the misses is on the juniors racks and visa versa.

at least the Dh is supportive, he has stopped nagging me about the 'junk' and has calmed down that I am stable even though I am not 'eating right' so we are happy.

anyone else making yet another new years resolution to get healthier? (I did it every year for 15 years (1989 - 2006).

Tomorrow is a New Day

How can I maintain control over my body and the food that calls to me on an hourly basis? First I started with forgiving myself. liking myself. then I started with choices.

that returned the power to me. not giving it to the food.

I choose to eat the ham sandwich at home instead of the hamburger at McDonalds.

I choose to eat an apple smothered in p'butter instead of the oreos that I had in the bag after cleaning out the car from the road trip.

I choose to eat 1 slice of pizza instead of two. wait 1/2 hour and see if I was still hungry instead of taking two to start with.

I choose to find Healthy Nibbles to keep on my desk, because I KNOW that I am a nibbler, and tis better to nibble on nuts than to nibble on chocolate chips. heehee


I choose to live within my 'means' and that means that my tummy can and can not do things that can sabotage or rescue me depending on the situation.

last night I choose to go out for dinner with my daughter but I opted for the child's meal at Olive Garden instead of the adult meal. and I had a salad instead of the bread sticks.

I think that it is all about taking control rather than letting food or diets control us. I think that it is also about staying focused and not doing something for three months and then falling back off the wagon, it is easy to work on something when it is new, it is quit another proposition when you are 22 months out and it is not new anymore and it is not 'fun' and 'exciting' anymore and it is just day in and day out.
______________________________________________________________________
Business-wise, I feel like such a fraud. I could have written this myself. I just had a nice sale today. cold booking. proofed on the 50" Plasma, $1290 sale for a family studio session in my living room.

I SHOULD be jumping up and down screaming my bloody head off but I am just too tired. I shot a destination wedding yesterday and I hope to make $1K from it.

My husband is resigned that I do not want to move to Norway and that I really want to keep at my business and now I am so torn. all my whining has paid off that I do not HAVE to go but now I know that he will not be HAPPY if we do not go and if we go, I can escape before anyone finds out that I really have to earthly idea what I am doing.

I have signed up for two seminars in the next two weeks out of guilt that I really do not have a clue and do not know why no one has caught on yet. I got onto my dh that he was not 'believing' in me or being supportive. so his solution (of which I am ecstatically grateful for) is to buy me better equipment. OMG how do let him know that I am a fraud and a MWAC? heehee part of me wants to run screaming through the neighborhood, I am so blessed and I do not know what I did to deserve it?

I know that I am 'winging it' and nothing I shoot turns me on and gets me pumped up. I do not really even feel motivated to print anything for myself that I have shot in the last 6 months. it has all be 'auto pilot' and I have not even been 'working on my game plan' because I just feel that there is not enough hours in the day for 'the polish' when it is like overloaded like this.

I got my sales tax filed last week, with a small overpayment of $50 but at this juncture I am too tired to file an amendment so I will just let it go for now. chalk it up to experience and make better notes for next year's filing.

I have a FLOOR full of receipts that need to be correlated for Federal Tax filing. I got such a tremendous amount of work done this weekend on the laptop, That was such a fantastic surprize, not only a surprise on Christmas morning, but today when I was able to be prepared for a proofing session that I was not at all sure I would be able to pull off successfully 48 hours prior to the appointment. I was able to proof 1/2 of the session in a motel room the night before a destination wedding and the second half while I was waiting for Magnus to attend a birthday party this morning. I do have help coming on Tuesday to get the yard detailed. that is a blessed relief. So between the upgrade of the computer, that has completely changed my time utilization, the upgrade of the camera that has shown a significant change in my work, although figuring out the new software is a LEARNING CURVE. Overall I am feeling a lot of blessings and a small decrease in the stress level of my life over the last week.

hee hee

I hate filing taxes

I am singing the blues.....

I hate doing this....

I have put it off as long as humanly possible...

I have started renovations on my lawn to avoid this....

I can't believe that when I import my paypal report that it is ignoring the parts that are SALES TAX and just lumping them in... now I have to delete and start over

I am singing the blues.....

I hate doing this....

THIS IS WHY I PUT THIS OFF!!

Decadent Food

Since Jason missed out on Christmas due to his training program in the Marine Corp, we had a belated Christmas.


we had a dinner party last night, we invited 2 other couples, besides Krys/Jason and Sverre/I and it was nice to have enough room at the table for 8. I set up a second kids table for the boys, so in reality, we had 10 but not at the main table.

I took some of the left over Christmas turkey and make turkey / dumplings, and some carrots with brown sugar and thyme, deviled eggs, cranberry stuffing, creamed potatoes and gravy, black olives and mini pickles, candied yams with marshmallows,

In honor of Jason's Birthday on Friday, I served a chocolate chip chocolate cake dusted with powered sugar for desert.

we ended up eating until we were about to explode.

unexpected surprise

Forever from 2006 is really good


Sverre actually likes Papa Roach. freaked me out, Usually he listens to symphonic heavy metal like Kamelot and Within Temptation. Course we've listened to the old school from 2001 papa roach, that sucks, but the new stuff from The Paramour Sessions is actually is good.

Scars from 2004 is pretty good.

fish friday

no, not catholic, but wow. this is a favorite routine.

Kona Kampachi Hawaiian Yellowtail
Kona Kampachi is prized by chefs and seafood lovers for its rich, delicious flavor and firm yet succulent texture, with culinary applications ranging from traditional sushi and sashimi to a wide variety of signature-building cooking methods.

we panfry it without more than a mist of oil, in cast iron after seasoning with lemon pepper and italian seasonings.

we steam some vegetables, broccoli and baby carrots, as well as pan heated peas and corn. only takes about20 minutes to cooke and even less time to inhale. it is THAT good.

our local fishmonger is Champions Fish Market and they are OUTSTANDING when it comes to fresh fish.

Freedom Trek

Student: Erik Amundsen
Country: Norway

In Norway, children start to 1st grade in school at the age of 6, they read, write, and speak only Norwegian. In the 4th grade, they all learn to read, write, and speak English as well. In the 9th grade, they all learn to read, write, and speak a third language, either French, German, or Spanish. When children reach the 11th grade, they state 'technical school' like junior college and learn a trade or prepare for college.

WWI
When Great Great Grandpa Olaf Andresen served as ships captain during WWI in Norwegian Navy. German's forced crew in to lifeboats, forced out on to the ocean, all drowned including Olaf,during what they called a Sea Trial. German Nazi's forced the entire crew off the ship into lifeboats, and then torpedoed the ship, sinking it, no one survived to shore from this attack in 1915.

WWII
After Great Grandpa Roald Juel Thommessen (Olaf Andresen's son-in-law) was the Norwegian Air force in 1929 – 1936, he served as the the General Major (like a Presidential Chief of Staff) for the King of Norway until 1960. During WWII, he had to live in Canada with the King during the German Occupation of Norway from 1940-1945.

Erik had earned his Cub Scout Physical Fitness Belt loop and his Cub Scout Chess Belt loop in November. Now he has completed his Citizenship Belt loop and his Language and Culture Belt loop. He is nearly finished completeing his Computer Belt loop and his Heritages Belt loop.

Happy New Year

We started 'cleaning' yesterday and will probably do lots more this week. took the curtains down in the kitchen and am washing them. noticed that the windows outside are filthy. new item on to do list. speaking of to do list. OMG. the fence needs to be replaced, and the gutters need to be replaced, and the termite damage in the garage / under the stairs needs to be replaced and the master bath shower needs to be regrouted, and the entire upstairs and the downstairs office carpet needs to be replaced and the popcorn on the ceiling in the downstairs,and in the master shower, and the nursery needs to be scrapped and replaced. I need to get someone in here, I know that I can not do this by myself. ;)

My visit Thanksgiving trip to Washington was really really good. I froze my tail off beyond imagination. my metabolism is such that if my blood sugar is too low from not enough carbs, I am freezing to death, if my blood sugar is too high from too many carbs I am burning up, so it is a delicate balance that no one had any idea of prior to my weight loss that I would encounter now. so I spend the day nibbling on animal crackers which are totally to fattening but help to keep my blood sugar balanced, just a few each hour combined with socks, sweaters, and sweatpants keep me doing okay. I noticed that the scale has been inching up (I was 147 lbs December 11th and 151.5 lbs today), so I am going to have to inch it back down. my parents drove over from Montana to stay with me during the holiday. they brought their camper and we visited every day for the 16 days that I was there. they are MORNING people and would get up and go for walks for 10 miles each day. picking up aluminum cans and recycling them. I am NOT a morning person, so I would hook up with them after lunch and we would visit. walk around Costco and sample the tasting tables, or something, we really need to find something more 'interesting' to do on my visits since it is deadly boring for the most part. ;) I do not like to walk, do not have the energy to walk like they do.. 10 miles is just too extreme. heehee but maybe put put golf or something. heehee

Naomi is getting pretty heavy, she is 17, about 5 ft 3in and about 165 lbs. She is still my pretty girl, but it does worry me that she is so large at such a young age, I didn't pack on the pounds until I was pregnant with her, after I had given birth to the twins. It is damn difficult to get the weight off once it is on. much easier to just not get that way to start with. but I am just the 'mommy' not the parent for her now. it is beyond my control. I did see her nearly every single day and had her over night a couple of times which is unprecedented. Just a few years ago when I really wanted to make a difference in her life, I was limited to 3 hours a day and 3 days a week. now that I can not make a difference and she has not shown a significant change in growth or maturity, I have her a significant more amount of time, like 6 hours a day, 6 days a week. This has caused me some anxiety that I can not make a positive influence since she is just not making any progress and probably has reached the limits of her ability. she can write her name, but she gets the shakes so bad that it is extremely difficult to read. she still has no concept of money. I helped her fill out a job application, just to practice. asking her the questions, and writing down her answers. she would like to work at Motel 6, and she would wash and fold the towels, and she would like to make $.45 an hour. she has unique skills, she watches tv really well and she is pretty (I guess I tell her that a lot, heehee) One day before her 17th birthday and the day that I was going to make her professional portrait, she got the scissors while I was talking to her grandpa and 'ignoring' HRH, she scalped her bangs off on one side. what a little vixen. I was going to fix it in photoshop and then decided, hell no, that is what she did, that is who she is, and I just left it. she is definitely a little spitfire.

Erik and Magnus are still in Cub Scouts and still interested in it. we have the pinewood car derby this weekend and I still have not gotten the dumb cars sanded let alone painted.there are just not enough hours in the day for me to do EVERYTHING. I really need another parent to step up and do some planning on this. ;) I am mother reader for Erik's class, once a month until the end of the school year. I am Magnus's Den Mother, three times a month for the rest of the school year. I was going to volunteer for Magnus' Mother Reader and then thought, Oh No, Not Enough Hours In the Day. back off and shut up. ;)

We had a really good Christmas... the kids got a Wii, we found one in stock just the machine, no bundle, on Friday at amazon and had free shipping, so we just paid regular price not the inflated one and had it December 24th. sweet. I got a humongous surprise.. first time in a very long time.. i got a laptop. and not just any laptop but the same power as my desktop so that i can run all the programs that run on that.. my Nikon software is just a ginormously power hog, so that is the limiting factor for my digital photography work flow. this really came in handy since I had a session on Sunday and my desktop power supply caught on fire on Tuesday and the replacement parts have not come in yet

Krystal left on the plane yesterday with baby Jordan to go to San Diego to her husbands marine corp boot camp graduation. she really doesn't know what kind of life she is getting into but she will learn. Jason will be here for 31 days leave, before he is to return to Camp Pendleton, California for Advance Infantry Training and then Military Occupation Specialty Training. AIT is 21 days, and MOS could be 6 months to 12 months, we do not know. http://www.jordanjasonmiles.com is latest pictures of the grandbaby

we are still in a quandary about moving to Norway in this house. it is simply just not a good time and I can find so many reasons to do it - but easily find so many reasons not to. for some reason I keep seeing my children with their friends and hate the idea of taking them away, even though I know that they would make new ones. Erik and Brandon have been friends for 4 years and Erik and Nick have been friends for 3 years, I only have a couple of friends that I have been friends with that long. ;)

and there is the house. I have no idea where to even start repairing it, other than renting a storage unit and moving stuff in there that I definitely want to keep. not just stuff that I do not have room for, the garage sale stuff is going in the garage. I should be ready for the big sale in 8 to 10 weeks. ;)

I have been eating pretty badly lately, way to many animal cookies and Almond Rocha and junk my family gave me as treats.. today I boiled some eggs and had one for breakfast, I promise to make better choices this year. I am also going to do better on my fluid intake each day. I noticed that I am only getting about 32 - 44 oz a day, which is really really not healthy. I am keeping my calories at 1000 and my protein at 45 grams a day, I know everyone has their own idea of what is healthy, and to each his own I say. But for me, having found out what I can and can not do and what works for my body had been a long challenging process over the last 18 months.
http://www.wretchedheathen.com is my blog.

I have been reading Voyager by Diana Gabaldon and it is the bomb. I read the first two books of the series, Outlander and Dragonfly in Amber, I have Drums of Autumn and the Fiery Cross waiting to complete the story.

okay, now I have just written a short novel myself. hugs to all, I am going to have to get to work, I still have that session to proof, they will be here Friday night to look at proofs and will want to see something!

scale inching up

at no point do I ever not want carbs. I swear, I dream about carbs. and the more carbs I consume, the higher my weight goes. so I am about to cut back on them for a few weeks. first, last and formost, if you fill up on the good stuff... lean meats and leafy green vegetables, you do not have room for the carbs... breads, pasta, rice, stuff like that.

this week I made a rice and broccoli dish and sadly, it didnt go over well. but that was just as well, since all the rice would have sent my blood sugar giger counter over into the red.

this morning was 1open faced sandwich, whole wheat toasted, with a slice of cheese

brunch was a bowl of plain cream of wheat

lunch was not a good choice as far as carbs go: potatoes, onions, carrots, zuccini, crook neck squash, seasoned with garlic, pepper, italian seasonings, I ended up consuming two saucers which was twice what I should have

dinner was definitely not a good choice, banana, tater tots...

so the only thing that I had going for me today, was that I did at least stick to my portions, but as for content.. tomorrow will need to be more protein, less carbs.. I will have my cream of wheat, some boiled eggs, and some turkey and see if I can keep the protein to about 45 grams and the calories at about 800 for the day. that for me is a target.

maintenance is 1000 calories and 45 grams of protein. I know that I need to get my fluids up, I think that I have only gotten in 44 oz today, which is 20 oz shy of minimum.