Tuesday, May 06, 2008


okay, so I have psyched myself out of my head and now my body has followed. I am producing enough cortisol to gain 100 lbs.

overall it started with painful intercourse that led to an annual well woman exam, that led to an EKG, an Vaginal UltraSound, a complex series of blood tests and I am still not sure what is going on.

but since cancer is so readily prevalent in my immediate family (1 colon cancer death, three esophageal cancer deaths, and two breast cancer survivors) My head is messing with the rest of my body.

Lately I want to sleep all day when I am not going Mach III and up at 7 am, taking cub scouts on an outdoor community service activity, and then at 10 am going on a cub scout nature hike and teaching about first aid, sun safety, and hydration. then at 1:30 for a birthday party for 6 6 - 8 year olds and mini golf and go carts, then a photo shoot for 15 fifteen year olds and their families, and then my own family (4 adults and 3 kids) out for dinner, after a quick trip to the beauty salon, followed up by email, digital photo proofing, and such. so I push myself so hard that I literally collapse from exhaustion.

I got my shopping done about 11 pm at night after the kids finished up swim practice, and I had a scout meeting, and some laundry, and repairing the fence.

granted I am not insane, this morning, after breakfast and the kids off to school, I did lay down, read a couple of pages of a book, and promptly feel asleep and took a 4 hour nap. I do listen to my body, and I do rest but for the most part, I am still constantly feeling that my heart is racing and that there is no way I can get everything done that needs to be done by the time that it needs to be completed.

take for instance today. I have been copying files over from one computer to the other so that i can get in two portrait orders for clients. then I have to custom design and create and print 42 mothers day cards and get them mailed by 4 pm tomorrow. the boys have chess tournament today, their dad is going to take that as a responsibility, they will miss swim practice today, but that is unavoidable. Personally I am finding that I am getting 7 hours sleep a night, usually plenty for me, but still coping a 4 hour nap a couple times a week, extremely unusual for me.

I had hired someone to help me with work, but she created more work rather than reduced my workload. ;)

okay, enough of the whining, I have to get back to "WORK".

I am still waiting for the test results on the labs.