awe..

Happy Birthday Magnus

Idic 15

funny joke!

Two snakes are talking One of them turns to the other and asks,"Are we venomous?" The other replays, "Yes,why?..."
"I just bit ma lip."

Hurricane Slacker Mom strikes Southeast Texas Coast town

One home Destroyed in wake of Scout Camp, Swim Team, 4th grade Home school, Small Business Taxes, and invasion of Grandchild, double son-in-law deployment, 1: college, 1: high school, 1: 5th grade

Oh holy hell. House looks like tornado hit. Camp over today. swim season over tomorrow. Life over now. Should take photo of house and save for next year in case I think about volunteering for a 4th year.

End of school year activities at both schools have wiped me out, still have to finish up Magnus's year.

My Magnus fell in love yesterday. Pro Stock Drag Racing - Buddy Nickens Camaro that visited our Cub Scout Day Camp. Magnus sat in the seat of a $300,000 car unsupervised. There is just no way this kid is going to go into racing cars as a hobby!

2009 - Category: PM-OUTLAW, Type: ZN, Class: TPSA, Div: 4 Chevrolet Camaro 1/8 Mile ET: 4.758 at North Star Dragway/Denton TPSA 03/09 | 1/8 Mile MPH: 144.28 at North Star Dragway/Denton TPSA 03/09

Woke up

And wondered what the hell happened to my house.

End of the year at school, scout camp, swim team practices, and portrait sessions.

Looks like a bomb went off here.

Cub Scout Day Camp

camp is brilliant

we had a couple of bulls'eyes

forester pin, tool box done, bird feeder done

patrol assignments, patrol animal (bald Eagle) and patrol flag made

buckets and frame holding up nicely

BTW

I have a FANTASTIC 11 year old Den Chief

and I have no idea how a patrol would be successful without one he is fantastic

I still walked 14,618 steps today

Wow

I didn't know that http://www.coolquiz.com/trivia/explain/docs/mile.asp

Can Not Call Surgeon Back

I feel like a failure. I get on the scale and I want to cry. I pull on the clothes that I could pull off without unbuttoning last year and I want to cry.

what happened? first off, people do not change. if they were worriers before, they will be worriers again. if they were stress-o-phobics before, they will be again. what do I do? I put everyone else before me. I am so afraid of being selfish that I sabotage my own health. why? I do not know, because it is easier?

It is easier to empty the dishwasher than to argue with the kids to do it. I hire people to mow the lawn, because it is easier than fighting with the kids to do it and I know that I would juts mow it myself if I didn't hire it out.

so about my health, getting down to the crux of the situation: stress and oxytocin, definitely part of it. Kirkland Trail Mix definitely part of it. diabetes and hypoglycemia most definitely part of it. homeschooling with Magnus and Jordan not helping matters, I rarely "get out of the house" or away from my desk, but that could be an excuse and I am just not in the mood to get away from my desk.

Moving, I put on a Pedometer and I walk 11475 steps a day...
I keep track of what I eat at MyPyramid:

I just need about 4 more hours in a day

I swear I am losing my mind these days. it has just been crazy here, it was much more so when your grandma and grandpa Sherman were here, but even now with Erik, Magnus and Jordan it is still busy.

Today, I woke up, made Erik a turkey, cheese and lettuce sandwich for lunch. he likes to have a chocolate chip protein bar and a chocolate milk for lunch. He eats toast for breakfast. I fill his water bottle up each morning so that he doesn't get thirsty all day. I brushed his hair, and he made it to the bus on time. The bus comes at 7:32 am

I made Jordan a breakfast of milk and sliced apples. I have a slicer that takes the core out at the time, it doesn't waste much using that tool. Sometimes, I put peanut butter on the plate for Jordan to dip his apples into. Magnus doesn't eat breakfast until closer to 10 am.

Then I have to make papa and me some coffee, I like a scoop of chocolate in mine with some cream and sugar. I usually have a cheese stick for breakfast.

I print out some coloring sheets for Jordan to work on, and then it is time for Magnus and I to start on his Math. He is learning how to multiply, divide and about fact families. Science is his very favorite subject, writing is the one that he dreads.

I had to turn on the soaker hoses since it has been so hot and the grass is starting to dry up, it is starting to turn all brown from the heat and sunshine. Today we played putt putt golf, and had pizza with our local congressman. We played with a bunch of other home schooled children today, Magnus was nervous at first, but after a couple of hours, he was running and playing and didn't want to leave. but we had to.

we had to get the car alarm fixed at the mechanic shop. and then we had to drop off a package for photos for a customer. and then we had to drop off a case of pop at Erik's school for the Parent Teacher Organization fund raiser tomorrow night. we had to stop at the store and pick up some chocolate chips because Papa ATE all of the ones that I had set aside to make cookies tomorrow. he is just crazy.

We picked Erik up early so that he could get changed into his scout clothes before we met up with his den go to on a long hike along the creek. it was just like when you go on walks with us down by the river. And guess what? Magnus, Erik and Jordan picked blackberries and ate them while we were out hiking. how crazy is that? you do not get blackberries until the first week of august and we have them here the second week of May. Thank goodness we took water bottles because it was crazy hot here, it was pretty close to 90'F today and I was melting.

We had to hurry back so that we could stop at the library to get Erik some books that he has reserved, he is reading Japanese animae and learning how to draw the characters. we had to really really rush so that Erik could make it to swim practice by 5 pm, he has to swim and swim and swim, a whole bunch of laps. it makes him really really tired but he is getting much faster each time he works on it. he can swim butterfly, backstroke, breast stroke and freestyle.

after swim practice, we went to the park so that Magnus and Jordan could swing and play on the toys. they got to play with the two boys that live across the street from our house, Nicholas is one year younger than Magnus and Sean is one year older than Jordan. Finally we had to go home and do you know what Sverre had done? he had made spaghetti and it was really really good. everyone had some and Erik had two plates full.

Today everyone got a shower. Magnus and Erik took REALLY REALLY long ones. I think that they ran all the water out taking such long showers. I had to snuggle with Jordan in my lap for 10 minutes before he went to bed and Magnus was so upset over something that I had to snuggle him to sleep, and that took forever.

I was able to get on the computer and edit some images for my clients, and get some orders printed and shipped. That is pretty much how every day goes, busy busy busy.

Happy Mother's Day

Things My Mother Taught Me
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother ! taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

26. And my favorite: My mother taught me about INTEREST.
"everything that you go away with, you will pay for with interest with those kids that are now running around YOU.

Woodbadge SR1024

yes, I have crossed over to the dark side. I am now in the final stages of my woodbadge.

vision statement is written.
training is over.
campfire skit is sung
project is complete and presented
tents are folded and chuck box inventory is complete
ticket is written

I am EXHAUSTED.

BTW:
Wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee
wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee
When I was just a wee wee tot,
My mama took me from my wee wee cot,
She put me on my wee wee pot,
To see if I would wee or not.
Wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee
wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee
But when she found that I would not,
She took me from my wee wee pot,
She put me back in my wee wee cot,
And I gave her all I'd got.
Wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee
wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee

LOL

George Carlin on Global Warming

Hungry

Sverre made me a wrap yesterday, Green Leaf Lettuce, Grilled Chicken sprinkled with Carroll Shelby spice (Cumin, onion, garlic) I tried to get him to consider cheese and ranch dressing.

Now I am hungry for some

Homemade beef noodle soup

beef stew with carrots, onions, bean sprouts and flat rice noodles

Ingredients

For the Broth:

• 5 lbs beef marrow bones
• 3 lbs. of Beef Shank
• 1 large Yellow Onion
• 1 piece of ginger root
• 8 whole cloves
• 1 1 2 4 inch cinnamon sticks
• 1 tablespoon of coriander seeds
• 4 peppercorns
• 1 inch chunk of yellow rock sugar
• 6 star anise
• 4 tablespoons of fish sauce

For The Bowls:

• 1 -Pkg of Bean Sprouts
• 1 -Bunch Cilantro
• 1 -Bunch Culantro
• 1 -Bunch Thai Basil
• 2 -Serrano or Jalapeño Pepper sliced
• 2 -Limes quartered
• 1 -Large white Onion halved and sliced thin
• 4 -Scallions sliced thin
• 1 -Pkg of Beef or Beef Tendon Meatballs quartered
• 2 -Reserved Beef Shanks from making soup sliced at room temp.
• 1 ¾ lb. Flank Steak or London Broil sliced very thi
• 1 (Freeze steak slightly to make thin cutting easy)
• 1 pkg Rice Noodles Ban Pho vermicelli rice sticks
• 1 Rice Wine Vinegar
• 1 Fish Sauce
• 1 Hoisin Sauce
• 1 Sriracha Sauce

Preparation

Start by sticking the whole cloves into the onion. Place onion and ginger root on grill and lightly char. We are not trying to burn here, more like grilling the pieces so don't rush this part. You can also do this over a burner or under a low broil setting in the oven. Just keep watch over them so they don't burn. When charred, set aside.

Combine the coriander seeds, star anise, and cinnamon stick in a small skillet. Toast the spices over medium heat tossing and stirring gently ever so often so they do not burn. Do this until slightly browned and fragrant. Set aside.

In a large pot (I use an 8 qt stock pot which is just barely big enough) place the bones and enough cold water to cover. Bring to a boil and boil vigorously for about 4 minutes. Turn heat off and pour bones, beef shank and water into a colander and drain bones. Wash pot out completely and dry. Carefully rinse off bones and shank of any scum or impurities with cool water and place back in pot. Fill again with cool water and add the ginger, onion, yellow rock sugar, fish sauce and spices and bring back to a boil. Turn heat down immediately and simmer for an hour. Remove beef shank after one hour and submerse in a bowl of cold water (I add ice to make it really cold). This will congeal the fat and juices in the beef. Let cool for about 15 minutes and drain, wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate.

Keep simmering the rest of the broth for about 3 hours more. the actual simmer time depends on patience. There are stories told of traditional Vietnamese cooking methods that let this broth simmer for 24 hours over charcoal fires. I would do this as well, if I had a decent charcoal fire and 24 hours to watch it. When the simmering is complete, turn off your heat and using a slotted spoon, remove bones, spices, onion and garlic and discard them. Strain the broth through a fine mesh strainer (use cheese cloth if your strainer isn't fine enough) and after the pot has cooled a bit, place pot of strained broth into the refrigerator. The next day, you will notice some of the fat has congealed on the top of the broth. Skim the fat off with spoon and discard. Your broth is now ready to be used. It can be frozen for a later use, or used right away.

Okay, at this point you should have what amounts to a stockpot of broth that has been skimmed of it's fat. Sometimes the broth will take on the characteristic of Jello when it's chilled, which is a good thing. It means that you were able to extract all of the good stuff from the bones which directly relates to flavor.

Begin by heating the broth. Meanwhile, assemble a garnish plate of the sprouts, cilantro, basil, peppers, and limes. I use a standard size dinner plate but you can do this on smaller plates for each person if you choose. On another plate I usually squeeze off enough Sriracha and Hoisin Sauce to cover each half of a small plate for each guest. This way the can dip whatever they want without fear! You may also leave the bottles on the table for refilling. Place the sliced onion in a small shallow bowl and cover with the vinegar. Place a pinch of salt and stir gently. You can do this ahead of time by as much as an hour or so and let sit at room temp.

Cook the noodles as per the instructions. Rice noodles cook slightly different than Americanized pasta so if it's your first time, you need to pay attention to cooking times and doneness. I usually cook them by boiling water and the pouring the water over the noodles in a bowl and then letting them sit for about ten to fifteen minutes. Then I rinse them under cold water and drain keeping them close at hand for serving. If you use this method, you want to make sure you have pot of boiling water at hand to quickly re-heat the noodles prior to plating (or bowling as the case may be). You can also use this boiling water to pre-heat your bowls because no one likes a cold bowl of pho.

Before you assemble the bowls, drain the onions. Add to the bowl some of the re-heated noodles on the bottom, some of the now pickled white onions, sliced cooked beef, sliced raw beef, and some of the scallions. Add the very hot broth to the bowl. This will cook the beef giving it a slight gray appearance.

Eating pho is a personal process. Some add sauces such as fish, Sriracha, or Hoisin directly to the broth. Add a few leaves of basil and cilantro at a time. Adding to many cool things will cool the broth so use your herbs wisely.

Cuisine: Vietnamese Main Ingredient: Beef

Meat Loaf "Muffins"

1 teaspoon olive oil
1 cup finely chopped onion
1/2 cup finely-chopped carrot
1 teaspoon dried oregano
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 1/2 pounds ground beef, extra lean
1 cup ketchup, divided
1 cup finely crushed fat-free saltine crackers (about 20) or fine bread crumbs
2 tablespoons prepared mustard
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1/4 teaspoon freshly-ground black pepper
Salt to taste
2 large egg whites, lightly beaten
Cooking spray

Preheat oven to 350°F. Spray 12 muffin cups with non-fat cooking spray.

Heat olive oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion, carrot, oregano, and garlic, and sauté 2 minutes. Remove from heat and let onion mixture cool.

In a large bowl, combine onion mixture, ground beef, 1/2 cup ketchup, crushed crackers or bread crumbs, mustard, Worcestershire sauce, pepper, salt, and eggs. NOTE: I like to use my hands for mixing meatloaf.

Spoon meat mixture into prepared muffin cups. Top each with 2 teaspoons ketchup. Bake at 350° for 25 minutes or until a meat thermometer registers 160°F. Remove from oven and let stand 5 minutes.

Sensory Processing Disorder

Good news... Your frustration and confusion about your child - who may have Sensory Processing Disorder - is almost over!

Finally!... A thorough explanation and a name for the behaviors and developmental concerns that exist - which seemed almost impossible to understand or cope with.

When parents first find out about sensory processing disorders, their reaction usually comes as: a "flash", a "light bulb moment", the "Aha!", "So that explains it!", "Oh, so now I understand!", "Why didn't someone tell me about this years ago?"

1. Hypersensitivity To Touch (Tactile Defensiveness)

__ resists friendly or affectionate touch from anyone besides parents or siblings (and sometimes them too!)

__ dislikes kisses, will "wipe off" place where kissed

__ prefers hugs

__ a raindrop, water from the shower, or wind blowing on the skin may feel like torture and produce adverse and avoidance reactions

__ may overreact to minor cuts, scrapes, and or bug bites

__ resists brushing teeth and is extremely fearful of the dentist

__ avoids touching certain textures of material (blankets, rugs, stuffed animals)

__ refuses to wear new or stiff clothes, clothes with rough textures, turtlenecks, jeans, hats, or belts, etc.

__ is a picky eater, only eating certain tastes and textures; mixed textures tend to be avoided as well as hot or cold foods; resists trying new foods

__ complains about having hair brushed; may be very picky about using a particular brush

__ excessively ticklish

__ distressed about having face washed

__ distressed about having hair, toenails, or fingernails cut

3. Poor Tactile Perception And Discrimination:

__ may be afraid of the dark

__ continues to mouth objects to explore them even after age two

1. Hypersensitivity To Movement (Over-Responsive):

__ may physically cling to an adult they trust

__ may have disliked being placed on stomach as an infant

__ bites or sucks on fingers

1. Hypersensitivity To Sounds (Auditory Defensiveness):

__ fearful of the sound of a car wash, cafeteria noise, classroom noise, car radio too loud

__ frequently asks people to be quiet; i.e., stop making noise, talking, or singing

__ runs away, cries, and/or covers ears with loud or unexpected sounds

Social, Emotional, Play, And Self-Regulation Dysfunction:

Social:

__ prefers playing by self with objects or toys rather than with people

__ does not seek out connections with familiar people

Emotional:

__ difficulty accepting changes in routine (to the point of tantrums)

__ gets easily frustrated

__ functions best in small group or individually

__ variable and quickly changing moods; prone to outbursts and tears

__ prefers to play on the outside, away from groups, or just be an observer

__ difficulty appropriately making needs known

Play:

__ difficulty with imitative play (over 10 months)

__ wanders aimlessly without purposeful play or exploration (over 15 months)

Project

Wanna help??

Back to Basics

I got my wake up call about two years ago, the weight was going up, but only a pound a month, no big deal right. I hit the snooze button

I got another wake up call when I couldn't comfortably get into my sexy jeans, no big deal right. I hit the snooze button

I went on vacation and got blisters and open sores where my waist band rubbed my tummy over Christmas break. I started skipping desert, but no big deal right. I hit the snooze button.

For me, it seems that March is my magical month that I need to DO SOMETHING. it was in 2006 when I made a choice, and it was in 2010 when I had to REALLY make a choice.

for some reason I was thinking that if I never stretched my pouch, I would never have to DIET again right? grrr

so naturally, I like to used my hypoglycemia as an excuse to graze, after all, I have issues, right? well, the more I cut back on SIMPLE carbs, and incorporate more Proteins, I am seeing less peaks and valley's and while I am still eating about 3 snacks and 3 meals a day, I am still keeping under my daily calorie goal.

Now I didnt move that much when I was first post op, but I did move, it was so much easier to just think that I could coast, but I rode a bike once in a while, I did walk, once in a while, I did go out and hang up laundry, once in a while, and all that did add up, whereas in the last year, I have been hiding behind my computer, holed up in the school room, and avoiding people.

Excuses? I do not have a car, I can not leave. I am going through menopause and I do not want to go out and talk to people. I do not have money, I can not buy anything. i am homeschooling my child, he needs to be home studying. I have my grand child and he can not ride a bike with me. all EXCUSES.

I could ride when the dad comes home. I could do something about the mess that is climbing up around my ears. so now I have shared my spiel and it is time for me to leave you and go declutter this house.

by the way, cutting back and making small changes this week, I had an unusually good week. -5 lbs. this week. I will most likely plateau, but eventually it will go down as we all know.

move to lose

move to lose

THIS IS SO STINKING HARD!

you know, I would never have even concieved that I was a food a holic but the stress over the last 2 years had completely done me in.

I have regained 30 lbs past my goal weight, not the lowest weight, we will not even GO THERE.

I have restarted fit day and I brought out the scales and the itty bitty bowls and am recording and evaluating my life style down to the gram.

Calories
975

Fat 58.9 523 55 %
Carbohydrate 81.3 310 32 %
Protein 30.8 121 13 %

I struggled all day with snacking and portions and desperately hated every moment of it.

there is no excuse, not the 3 year old that can not walk as fast or as far, not the bike that doesn't have a trailer hitch, not the hypoglycemia that spins my world without notice, it was SUCH a HARD day. I was tired and angry and frustrated with myself all day. and let me be the first to say that menopause sucks, I am swathed in wool and freezing to death and it is a balmy 49F outside. I am miserable.

I already paid for this tool, the first year could have killed me, and the tool works I just do not seem to be able to completely break away from the cycle of stress eat gain stress eat gain. part of me hates that I have to revisit portions and wow did I have a moment when I had to start measuring yesterday. I had been okay with most of my portions but I was able to sneak in extras. Now with fitday I am tracking and keeping the portions down and of course this site has back to basics since we are not alone and that is free. I like free.

4 years ago I had surgery and beat my goal.

today I am not not able to get into the fat pants that I had for after goal. it has been a crushing realization for me. I am headed back up and find it all to easy to excuse each pound that I pack on.

yesterday, I made a choice, and going back to the basics and using fitday and finding things to do outside of the house and away from the computer so that I am not watching the clock all the time waiting for my next snack.

I have regained 30 lbs over my goal weight. fortunately, I never abused my pouch, so I am good there, I just have to watch my portions, dodge my snacks, and cut out all the fluffy carbs. I know the drill, but I do not want to go it alone

vitamins.. fluids.. and distractions.. I just need to counteract all the stress of an extra large family and the tendency to put out each fire before seeing to my own needs and that was right where I was this time four years ago. letting the kids dictate the emergency instead of my putting my own oxygen mask on first.

happy to say that my house is now freshly painted and looks great. and I was able to stay under my target goal of calories today, on top of that the calories burned exceeded the calories consumed. 2 days down, and a million to go. I have given myself 15 weeks to lose the 30 lbs.

it is hard to say no, but when you see so many giving so much, you feel awful if you do not give yourself.

I have a son in law that is preparing for his second tour in Afghanistan, I volunteered to take care of the three year old since my daughter is working two jobs. little did I know that the little pill is THREE and an ONLY child and has been around the Platoon of MARINES for so long that he is now very aggressive, has a little potty mouth on him, and needs to learn the word NO and to be much more civilized before he can be accepted into polite company. he seems to have learned every bad trait of an enlisted person and none of the ones that would have come from his great grandfather that was an officer. it will take me quite some time to bring about a positive change in him. But a change is needed.

I have a special needs daughter, she is screamingly bipolar, she is doing her very best, she is living on her own in another state, going to college full time, coping with a lot of challenges that she can face for the most part 80% of the time in her TIGGER state, and the other 20%, sends her spiraling into a depressed EEYORE state. when she has money, she is the hostess with the mostess, and when she is flat broke, she is desperately depressed. I am helping out with expenses like books but she is responsible for everything else and it is hard to be so tough on her, but if I were to cover ALL of her expenses, she would take advantage of that and take more. But I feel that she will appreciate it more if she has of the hardship of going to college, not just the showing up when she feels like it.

And then there are the boys that are still at home, we are still struggling with all the life lessons that we have to teach. Economy and responsibility, empathy and sympathy, manners and civility. it seems like a never ending battle, but I do not have time to let up and let issues slide. Being active in swimteam, tri-athalon-ing, scouting, and homeschooling, and running a house is a full time job. Even so, I had to let go of a lot of 'volunteering' requests, from church and community was extremely hard, but I had to do it. many assume that a stay-a-home has unlimited time to give, but sadly, that is not the case.

Even today, as I have 1 week to prepare my house for my parents to come for an extended stay ( a couple of months) I have already been up for 2 hours, cleaned two rooms of the house, (kitchen is like a never ending battle) and finally got some me time. I have to constantly evaluate my priorities, what is most important to me, that I am freezing to death, and need some more carbs in my body, or that I need to lose some of the extra pounds? I should just give up and go down stairs and make some oatmeal, accept that this is my life, and eat, even though I have been putting it off for two hours, and I SHOULD be able to go another.

having to choose between being a healthy weight and surviving hypoglycemia and all that entails, being lactose intolerant and the diet restrictions that leaves me with, THIS IS SO STINKING HARD!