my story is mostly amusing.when I met my husband, he was a 6ft4in 175 bean pole, I was 5ft7in 225 cottonball but while he agreed most of the women in his country (Norway) were rail thin like him, he would like to be with me.
ten years + 2 big boys later, I was 275 and he dropped to 169. (yes ladies, he eats 3500 calories a day and is just pure evil). his cooworker died in 2001 two weeks post WLS. so he had some serious trepidation about the surgery.
however, I pursued it and finally he agreed that it would be a win/win situation.
here is his theory. I have the surgery, He gets a skinny wife, HE WINS.
I have the surgery, I die, he has 1/2 million life insurance policy on me, HE WINS.
there were days that I thought he was a turd for this theory, but there were days that I agreed. LOL. so I took him with me to the consultation with the surgeon. but the rest of the appointments I went to alone.
he did not even go to the hospital with me, my daughter was my buddy. she even spent the night with me in the hospital while he stayed home with our two little boys. I scheduled all the daycare for the boys for the day of surgery, the day after, and the first day I would be home from the hospital. he did come see me on his lunch hour the day of surgery, and picked me up on his lunch hour the day after to take me home. but he did not miss any work due to my surgery.
so while it sounds like he was callus and rude and totally not supportive, in actuality this is my body. I got here by myself. no one forced me to eat all those cheese cakes, no one forced me to sit at a computer 18 hours a day. I did it all by myself.
He has found a way that works for him. he rides his bicycle every day, 14 miles to work and back, 60 miles on saturdays to keep his metabolism up. 'IF ONLY I WOULD DO WHAT HE DOES, I WOULD BE FINE" if only I would eat like him (vegetarian) I would be fine, if only I would blah blah blah.
at some point he recognized that I am not him, that I do not metabolism like him, and that being hungry, is just the way I was. literally, I would be so rushed in the morning, that I would not sit down to eat breakfast, by the time we were in the car and to the third red light, I WAS HUNGRY. and wanted to swing through ANY FAST FOOD to get some food. he totally could not understand why I did not just stop and eat at home. with a family of 5 kids, I never took a moment for me at home.
so he was supportive in his way, he paid the medical bills and I never had to worry about the finances. he has been much more supportive this summer about finances than any time in the past. and while he does not verbalize all the wow's for me post surgery, he does defend me when guests come over and in the conversation, they just can not believe that I would do something so drastic that I will be forever changed, FOREVER and he says, well, you should see her weight loss graph, she is very happy with her choice.
ultimately YOU have to do this FOR YOU and not FOR him and not for the CHICK down the street. it is going to be ALL about YOU. also, you may find that this will change your marriage because the first 3 months after (at least) you will be putting YOU first, your EATING will take precidence, your exersize will be YOUR first priority and you will not BE there for HIM as much. For probably the first time in 11 years, he will find out that it is not all about HIM. that is probably pretty scary.
;-) I keep telling myself, hang in there, because, YOU are number ONE and it IS all about YOU! do not appologize for that. do not under rate that.
one of my friends that had the surgery a couple of years ago counseled me this:
I DID THIS FOR ME, NO ONE ELSE CAN DO IT FOR ME
