Week 6 of 6, I am here in Washington on court ordered visitation with my 15 year old autistic daughter, I come up every 120 days and stay 14 - 42 days so that I can visit with her, then back to Houston and my work. I have been doing this (camping and living out of suitcases, driving 23K miles a year to maintain my relationship with her) since 1997 when her biological father reversed the custody. I am sure in the last 10 years, I honed my emotional eating to a fine razor edge here.
It has been some of the most extremely stressful years of my life. His sexual harassment, his bullying, manipulating and power struggles have done as much for my 'current situation' as my growing up with one of the most dysfunctional step-parents this side of a Stephen King novel. (step dad #1 was abusive black rage alcoholic pedophilia). I have already worn out my psychologists calendar working through all those issues. Growing up, I would come to the dinner table, and he would ask where my money was, afterall this was not a free ride. At restaurants, I ordered the cheapest item, a grill cheese sandwich because he said I would have to wash the dishes and if I took too long, he and my mom would leave me there at the diner. I took control of my eating once I was an adult.
It is really difficult to 'read' and hear all the advice that I will lose my hair and lean muscle if I do not get 50 mg of protein a day, so much research all say that 20-24 grams of protein a day is not enough. That my health will suffer from the inadequate supply. That my slow loss is from too little food, that 125 calories are not enough. That my metabolism will slow even more rather than pick up if I do not get enough calories. How do you ignore all the 'advice' from all those that have been there and done that before.
the B12 that I am getting is dissolved in the water, and it could be that the extra 20 oz of water is what is helping as much as the b12 itself.
Jackie (the nurse) called today and rescheduled the visit for the 24th, so hopefully I can drop the difference between what I weigh and the target weight by then. Which of course, when mentioned to my dad (step dad#2) he said that that is the same old thinking that got me into this. Just keep plugging slow and stead and if it takes 2-3x as long, so be it. No crashing. After all it is not as if I can EAT LESS to lose weight, right? heehee
