okay, how many ways can you lie to yourself?
technically I am 5 ft 7 and 3/4 inches.. or is it 5 ft 8 inches? I am not sure. and technically the scale reads 161.5 lbs but my mom swears that it is off 4 lbs and my dr says that you have to subtract for clothing so it could be only 157.5 lbs now it I am the former and the scale is the latter, then I am normal, but if I am the latter and the scale is the former, then I am overweight again and that is not a good thing.
I had people tell me that I was TOO thin even though I was 10+ of my ideal weight. I have nibbled my way up the scales and while I do not want to use the "D" word (diet), I do need to get back to basics. I have RARELY stretched my pouch since this all began. I am still STUFFED with a single taco or a single slice of cheese. but I am suspicious that it is dehydration and stress induced cordisol that causes weight gain.
what I do not think that I need is a physical support group, or even a 'group hug' although I got a couple of those yesterday and it did feel pretty good. I tend to act like a shut in lately with all my stress. what I am doing is one meal at a time, getting back to basics.
3 vitamins (chewable)
1 b12 (pill)
1 cranberry (pill)
20 oz zip fizz (b12)
12 oz coffee
20g protein bar
12 oz coffee
6 oz Kefir (drinkable yogurt)
20 oz propel
20 oz decaf tea
i am not a failure and you are not a failure.. yes, I am now at a BMI of 25.3 and therefore I need to get back to a healthy weight but I am going to do it now, and not wait until it is an isurmountable task. 10 lbs in 10 weeks. I can do that...
oh me oh my
so I am trying to get the glucose under control and the freak of it is that I think that the RA is back out of remission. I got up and did the chores around the house, takes about 45 minutes to clean the kitchen, empty and load diswasher, wash down the stove, scrub out the sinks, and wipe down the counters, sort out the recyclables, and wipe down the table, make three beds, pick up dirty laundry, open curtains and blinds, get dressed, make coffee, cook up some eggs, wash out the bathroom sinks (toothpaste monsters) and turn on all the fans. this morning I was ready for a nap after that little bit of picking up. so I sucked down some vitamins, added in an extra b12 (3K) and reflected on my life.
tomorrow they will perform the U/S to see if they need to do a complete or partial hysterectomy. I am nervous. but not as nervous as worrying about cub scouts today, two sessions tomorrow, next Monday, next Wednesday and next Thursday. worrying about dentist for the family on Tuesday. worrying about finding someone to watch the boys the day of surgery and not have them miss chess club party. worrying about my photography sessions (4 in the next 10 days) and worrying about finding a session from May 2007 for a client that is as scattered as I am. worrying about money and the economy. worrying about this daughter flying to see that daughter at a moments notice, that daughter flying here to see me after surgery. being able to keep up with everything and everyone through the holidays. making sure that I do not bust out of my jeans with extra servings of pecan pie. ;-)
and then there is the shopping. it is not that I do not LOVE shopping, it is that I just do not know what to get for some very difficult people in my life. not that they are picky, just that they are special needs and it is so hard to shop for special needs people.
I have a calendar and I think I am going to have to start pruning down my commitments before they have me committed. ;-)