Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Insanely Exhausted

here are some catch phrases that I learned from my 9 year old his last year in B&M

"I hate my life"

"just kill me now"

"would you like some cheese with your whine"

"did that hurt? I didn't feel a thing"


everyone has a breaking point. each person will find it, hopefully before the brink of sanity and desperately before they self destruct.

I would love to say that this is fun, IT ISNT

I would love to say this is rewarding, The Jury is Still out on that one

I will not tell you that it gets better and this is why

if you can not handle this, and you hold on until you can handle it, you will take on something else that you can not handle, because you figure that you have mastered this and so you can handle a little bit more. this is a fatal flaw with some personalities (mine included)

I couldnt handle two at home, but then I had two, I couldnt handle two at home and scouts, but then I did, you just keep piling it up on your plate until you can not handle it anymore. I wish I had good news, but I am still desperately trying to clear my plate this week, why? to rush clear across the country to HEAP more on my PLATE. because that is what I do.

I am my college child's study buddy, because she went to B&M and doesnt have a clue of how little she knows

I am teaching my 5th grader and terrified that I will not get all the math and science stuffed into his head

I am teaching my 4th grader that HATES to write and I seriously doubt that he will master it by spring.

so let's revisit:

I hate my life, it will not get any better, just kill me now, I chose this for myself, yes it hurts, so what, there is no plan B, I have to suck it up, walk it off, and drag my kids kicking and screaming into the 21st century and get them to understand that the internet is a research tool, not a animae portal, and will someone POLEZZE tell my 25 year old daughter to GOOGLE before asking me, and NOT tell me that GOOGLE takes TOO long.

This is NOT how I planned my life when I was 17 and KNEW IT ALL.

time demands:

Magnus: 9am - 4 pm

Erik: 11 am - 6 pm

Sverre:8 pm-12 pm

Jasmine: 10 pm to 6 am

Kat: yeah, good luck with that

I have been in such a bad mood for days that I must revisit this:

1. my socially challenged child that is the whole catalyst for us being here had a FANTASTIC weekend socially and I am grateful that he did so well.

2. Even though I am worried to distraction that both of my older boys ( both LCpls) are in Afghanistan, they will be ok. and Lili-anne is not here yet, and THAT is a GOOD thing. she will be done cooking by Halloween.

3. we have a curriculum that I can implement as I see fit, a house we can afford, an steady income to provide, and our health is very good. all other challenges are just distractions.