Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Heart Flutters

I have been taking it easy this week, my inside house chores are keeping me pretty occupied, I am having a party here this weekend and so am doing the DEEP SPRING CLEANING, getting everything nice and clean, washing all the curtains, stuff like that.

I keep getting 'heart jitters' this week. tiny panic attacks, my mom recommended chamomile tea to calm me down. ;-) it is on my list of things to do if I can just convince myself to LEAVE the house. I went out Sunday, for an hour, but for the most part, I have not been out since last teusday. I just do not want to 'see' people right now, too hard on my nerves. I just think about it and I feel a horrible tingle go up my spine, and my heart starts beating irratically.

You know, for some reason, I look around and think that I am not doing enough, it takes me forever to get something done, but I just keep pushing and pushing and pushing, I got the kitchen done in 30 minutes today, I mean, REALLY!!! how can it take 30 minutes to empty and load the dishwasher, and wipe down the counters? gracious. I still need to vacuum the downstairs, but that shouldn't take too long. I did get my bed made, and the bathroom sinks scoured, but still, it just seems like a MONUMENTAL TASK UNDERTAKING to do that, I swear, I was so exhausted after dumping the bathroom trash from two bathrooms yesterday, you would have thought that I just did 3 hours of lawn work outside.

I HATE THIS FEELING!! Helpless and Hopeless. I had more energy 3 years ago before I started taking the drugs that the Dr prescribed for the lack of energy. now granted this second, I am probably suffering from not having had a coffee this morning with breakfast, so if I go done and make one of those, spend 30 minutes meditating (staring out the back window) I will be able to go another 2 hours. it is like that. lots of short relays, no long distance staying power.

KAtkins Menu:
  • breakfast: sirloin steak, scrambled eggs, water, coffee
  • lunch: pork loin, zuchini, water
  • dinner: Lamb chops, steamed broccoli, smoked salmon
errands, shopping at costco, grocery shopping