Monday, July 31, 2006
okay, it is 1 am and I am very tired, still. I took a 5 hour nap this afternoon and am still TIRED.
I didn't do very well eating today. I had 1 oz of chicken, 1 oz of steak and 6 oz of protein shake. just not hungry, but very tired. I will try to eat my zucchini tomorrow. I did really really lousy on my fluids today, also why I am so tired. puking on water last night just took the piss and vinegar out of me.
Naomi was emotionally draining today. she had a complete meltdown at Costco, another one in the motel room. did swim for two hours before she started acting up there as well, she had some fresh air on the picnic table but overall the day was not very pleasant.
I will make me a tea before bed to get in 10 more oz. I was feeling so fantastic after my 3 mile walk and 4 hours at the beach yesterday, other than a little sunburn, I was in a great mood. now, I just want to curl up and sleep. I am sure if I could just get more fluids in, I would feel better, but everything tastes wretched. Too sweet. too cold. Too whatever.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
And to top things off my tummy has not been cooperating. Okay, so it was self induced. I was hungry, leafy greens was the order of the day, so I had pickled asparagus. ½ a jar (2.25 ounces) and I was still hungry, so 1 mozzarella cheese stick later, and I felt okay. Waited a little bit and had my evening sugar free cocoa to get my fluids in before sleep and OMG, I do not know what I was thinking, but that was not a good mixture. My tummy roiled. My gut alarm went off. I kept it all down all night long, but along about 8 am, that was it. All the stress, all the different foods, I had a serious dumping.
What is a dumping? Starts with a little nausea and intestinal cramping, the mouth starts to water, you find yourself sitting on the toilet, with a garbage can under your head to catch everything. Usually it is over in 30 minutes, and then another 20-40 minutes laying down until the sweats and nausea pass. Well, after 3 more trips to the toilet, and a total of 3 hours, it passed. Granted, my colon is immaculate now. And I lost 4 lbs from the episode, that is not a pleasant way to go.
Jazzer called, upset that she had broke down and her boyfriend couldn't come rescue her, I snapped. And made her feel even worse. Called back later to say sorry. It was not as if I could 'do anything' 400 miles away, and I was just so frustrated. She does forget to 'check the oil' and I was no better at her age, I was just crabby and she caught the brunt of it. She seems better now.
I spent the rest of the day eating seasoned steak strips and vanilla protein shake, very very careful. Got all my meds and vitamins in. Walked with the kids to Costco to get my walking in (1.5 miles) and Erik and Naomi spit a slice of pizza and a berry smoothie. Erik did get his pool time, and I got a movie before sleeping. But there is a nagging headache a brewing, took some EX Tylenol last night and again today, still 'there' was seriously planning to walk the greenbelt along the riverfront today before it go hot, but I do not know how I will react to the sun today.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
I read that jcpenney had a great sale, but only found two blouses, what really sucks is that i have lost 61 lbs in 4 months and have not changed sizes. how freaky is that? I am still a size 20. so my boobs and my waist are the same as before, and so no need for new clothes yet. ;-(
two more weeks here in the north, and then back to houston, where it is of all things cooler. ;)
103'F today here, ewh. it is 87 in houston, but 87 humidity, so that sucks too!
so far today, I got 1/2 my vits in, started on my zipfizz, and will get some steaks in. plan to make meatballs with cream of broccoli tonight for dinner. have to clean out the fridge. ;) and save some money on eating out/groceries.
FLUIDS: yesterday: 35 oz total (50% of goal)
10 oz propel
5 oz water
10 oz protein shake
10 oz sf hot chocolate
EXERSIZE: 1.5 miles (mall, mcD's)
1 oz fish (5 g)
1 oz chicken(5 g)
1 oz ham (5 g)
10 oz protein shake (15 g)
awe... I feel your pain. I have just gotten used to never trying anything new without being 15 ft from my home toilet. ;) and sometimes it is not new, it is the same thing I have eaten for 3 days, and then, it just decides to 'react',
I think of it like the express way, there are 6 lanes, all in the same direction.
preop: you take two lane roads and go anywhere you want, you have redlights, you have congestion, and eventually you live to get to your destination.
postop: you take the freeway: if you want to take the feeder/frontage which is safer, it is slower, you can easily get in an out of gas stations. you eat what you want, when you want and you bail when you want to.
if you want to take the expressway, it is faster, but it is one direction. and there is a minimum and a maximum speed limit. if you stay in the slow lane, some will pass you by, but you are fairly safe. you stick to the food plan and you do not consume any contraband.
if you get into the fast lane, you must be prepared to haul butt down the road, sometimes going 10 mph over the speed limit if you want to 'survive' this path will land you in fender benders (dumping) occasionally, but hey, it is quick.
I have discovered what will and will not cause me to get sick and I am inching onto the expressway, having spent 8 weeks on the feeder and learning my limitations. some say 'back to the basics' and I do believe that keeps it fairly simple. proteins first. if you fill your pouch with proteins (meats) then you really can not go wrong. it is boring but it is efficient.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Magnus is having a great time in Norway. He loves going out on the boat on the North Sea. I have not gotten an update from the trip to Tronheim yet, but I am sure that he is loving it.
Erik is constantly wanting 'entertainment', if not swimming in the pool, skating around the motel, if not at the dollar store, then at McDonalds, if not picking blackberries on the greenbelt, then in the sand along the river. we went to a park and he had a plethora of toys to climb on, but without other children, he was lost. we even walk over to costco for a change of pace just to get out and move. he got a little go cart from Jazz, and that captivates him for a few minutes, but overall, it has to be human interaction or cartoon network.
Naomi seems to dip in and out of reality more and more. I assume that it is the extreme heat that she is not tolerating well. while I do not need the a/c on this summer even in 106'F, I do keep it on for her. she prefers the pool, or eating. she has been doing a lot of that lately. she is now much bigger than I was when I got married the first time. her weight is over 135 lbs and she is still very short in stature, closer to 5 ft even. it is too hot to take her on walks, too hot to do much of anything but swim, but that works, that and playing quietly with the toys that are her old familar friends when she comes to visit.
Krys is coping as best she can with the choices that she has made. her life long partner is her choice. her consequences in living arrangments, are her choice. daily, I remind myself that it is not up to me to help her. it is not up to me to teach her, from now on, she is responsible for her family and she will have to live with all those choices.
Jazz is doing realtively well. she takes 3 steps forward and 1 step back. I really feel for her. she works as much as she can, but she has not perfected her work ethic yet, and they are being patient with her, guiding her down the right path. she really is fortunate in that aspect. her boyfriend is not the most 'affectionate' person, but that is really healthy for them. she is learning that it is not all about her, so I am not getting in the middle of it. she makes choices, she lives with the consequences. all in all, she has grown tremendously in the last 3 years. she is much more polite and respectful and it could have all gone a totally different way at the rate she was going.
after dealing withe the concept that the surgery is considered permanent. what will happen in the future?
I am 8 weeks out and my stomach has not stretchd yet, it is still only 1 oz in size. I had planned to be less careful about what and how much I eat after I get down to my goal weight. I was told that my tummy will stretch so that it can hold more. by christmas it should be able to hold 8 oz, so I could potentially eat 8x what I eat now (1 oz) so that will increase my food intake from 135 calories a day to 1200 calories a day just by shear volume.
then if I include some goodies that I am not eating now, like carboydrates my caloric intake will go up another 500 calories, to 1700 which is the normal recommended intake.
it is so funny, they say that it takes 1700 calories to function a day, that is such a crock. I have been existing on 125 - 200 for two months, and the scale does not move down as fast as you would think, there are periods when I do not lose an ounce for days and weeks. you would think that I would be loosing a pound a day but I dont.
I am waiting to see if that really happens, yesterday
hmm that is all well and good. but let's review. I have a 1 oz pouch.
breakfast: 1 oz turkey
lunch: 1 oz roastbeef
snack: 1 oz asparagus
dinner: 1 oz salmon
now to evaluate what I can gain from that (fitday):
Calories Eaten Today
maybe I need to work on that Alcohol goal. heehee
Friday, July 21, 2006
Thursday, July 20, 2006
it must be the MSG because while I have been craving Beef and Broccoli for weeks now, I never expected the total complete unadulterated colon cleanse that I got from one 1 oz serving.
now I have been stressing over the scale ever since this began. at first it was weekly weighins, then daily weighin's and then bidaily, and then quad daily, and that has continued. I tried going two weeks without the scale, but ultimately caved and bought a new one. I have replaced my addiction for stuffing stuff in my mouth with weighing myself. my mood swings fluxuate with the scale. I do not recommend it. I constantly tell myself that it is inaccurate, that I should wait until morning before food after pee, but the fact of the matter is that is what happens.
I chart my change, only recording if the scale moves and then keeping a permanent record of weekly measurements. my chart is practically my best friend. it makes me happy. today I updated it again. that being said, confessed, and absolved. no freaking wonder people get bleeding ulcers from this process. gracious me. the doctor told me 4 lbs a week. I missed the target by 1 lb this week and by 3 as it was looking yesterday. this is a lot of stress. this is a hard road to hold. or is it row to hoe? I never can figure that one out! it makes it very difficult to focus on any thing else.
at least I had the soundness of mind to do this during my summer break so that I do not have to focus on other things like work or kids or household chores. although those might be how others get through this, is focusing outside of the body. they may be the healthy ones.
so "downward movement" has made today a 'good day' and I do not want to fret anymore. I will stick to the plan, considering that deviating yesterday with hashbrowns and sausage gravy had negative impact. and we shall see how it goes.
I am just a bad bad kitty kat, (swishing tail, as I scamper off to get into trouble)
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
I said: yeah right.
eggs, with or without yoke does not make a difference, all make me nauseated as hell. with salsa are my favorite breakfast, so that totally sucks.
I had four sips of lemonade, and puked my guts out. I regretted the lemonade. the very essence of DUMPING
cauliflower, SUPPOSED to be BENIGN, tremendous gas.. big nono oh nono
so I ate 1/2 a radish and puked my guts out. I regretted the radish. (side bar, the blood red beat that went down after the radish was oh so lovely coming back up!!)
cinnamon roll... foamies.. yeast ball in the tummy, puke, nauseated. ;-( bad kitty kat, bad bad kitty kat
cheapo hamburger meat, meatballs. also supposedly benign, not even LEAN means LEAN. this stuff is just toxic waste. mental note avoid at all costs.
granola is highly overrated, hit the tummy like a ton of bricks.
a soft pretzel, and alternatively puked foam, gagged, and puked my guts out. I regretted the pretzel TREMENDOUSLY.
sample tables at costco are dangerously alluring. first off, three tables and your pouch is STUFFED. secondly. those chips are evil. top with smoked salmon, innocent enough, topped with beans. BAD NEWS. bad bad bad news. what was I freaking thinking?
so I ate hashbrowns and sausage gravy, and puked my guts out. I regretted the sausage gravy. there are moments when I just regret the concept of food.
the sad point is that I can not 'call anyone' for sympathy. I was given the idiot proof menu, I choose to break it, I have no one to blame but me. I can sit, look in the mirror and think, YOU is a BOZO!! You are a hard headed stubborn MULE. you just never freaking learn.
however, heehee I have learned that I can have tillamook ice cream, dry corn flakes, a couple of cookies, a little popcorn, some seedless green grapes.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
each day is a challenge. I am 'tired' of the same ol same ol taste, texture, and flavor. the best choices are turkey and roast beef lunch meat, but horrible gas. I am so sick of ketosis garbage mouth. asparagus works best, but so bleeding boring! sprinkled different powdered seasoning but nothing can mask the dull boring drudgery of it.
treated myself to some vanilla cookies (1.8 oz) with a WHOOPING 250 calories. YIKES. they were too sweet and I got heart flutters, so that was not a good choice. since the package had only 8 cookies (1.8 oz) I was able to STOP before I really went into Dumping. I was just dying for something to nibble on while watching a movie. it is all about relearning habits, so far. I think I would be better once I can have 'frozen' smoothies for such occasions.
I have been rather sluggish and tired lately, tried getting out and walking yesterday, had some salmon that was too oily, and some corn chips that were too blech, and some beans. that would have been fine if not for the corn chips, so rethink that plan. you can get totally filled up at the sample tables at costco with a normal size tummy, imagine with just 1 oz? heehee it is a whole new experience. ;) I did sneak back for two samples of the salmon, and should have just let it go.
have been taking naps each afternoon, just so tired. have been so very careful this week, not out in the heat and sun, hydrating, finally hit the mark yesterday. woke up without cotton mouth = clear urine = hydrated. it is a delicate balance.
Monday, July 17, 2006
pickled foods packed in oil (artichokes and mozzarella)
soft serve ice cream
the good news is that there are still some goodies that are still digestable:
tillamook ice cream and Pizza Hut Pizza, Yumm.
doing great on my vitamins and gall stone medication, but really trying on getting enough fluids in. find that I am super tired in the afternoon, so may be due to dehydration. each day is a new challenge!
but as the weight falls off, my heart has an easier time getting through each day. I have been 'tired' lately, even when naomi is here, I have been taking naps, probably aslso due to the limited calories (125-200 / day) and the heat. I have not had the a/c on since all my company left, the temperatures have been great and my arthritis has been better with out the a/c .
I have not really had the motivation to walk down by the river since my parents. I think that dehydration bought was just too scary. once it cools down I will try again.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
I have not seen 218 since 1993... I kept telling myself. I just need to TRY harder. I just need to be more CONSISTENT. I just need.... blah blah blah.
I will not tell you that it will be easy. it is not. anyone that thinks this is a cake walk is in for a rude awakening. this is one of the most challenging lifestyle changes ever.
it does work. period. you will survive. you will succeed. you will take back control of your life. now granted, your body will bitchslap you if you go out of your way to self destruct. ;)
my first recommendation is prayer. not only your own prayers, but enlist all of those people around you, far and wide. trust me, they work.
second. even if you started 3 years ago, you will never 'get all your affairs in order' but you can make a start, and then keep resolutions to make some changes. I really felt touched by 'live like you were dying'. I did start treating people better, and resolved to continue after the surgery. I am finishing that 'book' project that I have been puttering on since 1991 (it is a great 'quiet time' project this summer while I heal.
third. journal. blog. but write out your feelings. your thoughts. your fears. keeping them inside just freaks you out and gives the fear a food to feed on and that is not healthy.
fourth. you will change your mind 100x a day, even after the surgery. ;-) this is just NORMAL. I still have days that I think, what the hell was I thinking. but I keep a chart of my progress. my weekly weight and my weekly measurements. I post a graph that shows the slow decent. http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1971/2472/1600/20060710weight.0.jpg
each week, I update it and it FEELS SO GOOD. I have a goal, I have a tool. I can be successful.
people will be supportive, it is just human nature, people want the best for you. when you need another pick me up, talk to people, it feels wonderful.
the hardest part for women in general, is to stop swollowing all their own sorrow (along with jelly donuts) and to take time out for themselves and put themselves first. it took me 40 years to finally get to that point. TODAY I COME FIRST. my vitamins are first. my protein is first. my fluids are first. my exersize is first. I am first. not my kids. not my laundry, not my customers. ME! it is not selfish, selfcentered, or self absorbed. it is survival. just like in the airplane. put your own air mask on first before try helping your child or others. this is a tool that is the most selfless act you can do to give your family the best mom/wife/daughter possible for as long as possible.
when it finally comes down to it. LET GO AND LET GOD. just like anything else, he is not done with you yet. granted, this is a factory recall, and your plumbing was not 'perfected', I know I kept thinking, I must be INSANE to go in and deliberately have someone comeplete reroute my plumbing. it defies all logic. but just like someone that needs other surgery from birth defects, this solves a problem that was there from birth, through no fault of our or our parents choice, we were born this way, and now we can resolve the problem.
the first rule is that there are no rules. what I could not eat last month, I may or may not eat this month. this can go either way. it can work FOR your or AGAINST you. how far I walked last month may or may not be how far I can walk this week, also can work for or against you. there are guidelines and they will work for you, each doctor has operated, and then listen to customer feedback and has perfected his method and routine that will work for you if you follow it. listen to your body, when you think you need to move, move, when you think you need to rest, rest. do not measure by what you used to do, throw that out the window. each day is new and different.
you will be okay, you will learn all about YOU. you will take time for YOU! you will succeed! and you will love how good it feels to be YOU!
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
8 oz herbal tea
eat my 1 oz turkey
930 - 1230
sucking down 23 oz bottle of zipfizz
1 oz salmon
23 oz propel
1 oz asparagus
(3) 8oz herbal tea
1 oz roastbeef
this is not 'exactly' what everyone or anyone is doing, but this is what works for me.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Saturday, July 08, 2006
I have been battling the bulge my entire life. For a treat, I would get a bag of Doritoes and a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper. From the time I was in high school, when I thought that little pouch on my belly was something. In 1984, I was 5ft 7in and 150 lbs, just 10 lbs overweight. I gained 60 lbs with my twins, and then lost almost all of it immediately (within 5 days) after they were born. Just 10 more lbs kept hanging on. While my eating habits were poorly based on McDonald's, I did exercise a tremendous amount, so I didn't suffer a lot of retaliation from fast food. YET. Once I started college (in 1987) when they were 15 months old, I started some additional bad habits, not only was dinner fast food, but now breakfast was from the snack machine, a package of Grandma's Cookies and a can of Coke each day on my way to lecture. As my class load increased, so did my waist. By the time I was a Junior in 1990 I had gained yet another 20 lbs, and then I had my third child, and gained another 30 lbs, after she was born, I could never get below 200 lbs, I took tons of nutrition classes, special classes on weight management at the hospital, paid tons of money to learn to eat healthy. All efforts would have a small success and then a larger failure. By 1995 I had gained another 25 lbs, in 1998, I gained 10 lbs over the holidays, and then I got pregnant again, ballooning up to 265 lbs. It took 12 months to take it all off, and then I was pregnant again, and gained again, this time up to 285 lbs.
During the last month of my pregnancy, my husband's office colleague died 14 days after having gastric bypass surgery. While I had toyed with the idea of surgery, this situation terrified me and completely turned me off the idea of having surgery. I tried unsuccessfully to loose weight on my own. I tried for four years with minimal success. Eventually I got down to 242, but then a combination of rheumatoid arthritis medication and anti-inflammation medication, and stress, I started gaining like crazy, from 242 to 275 in a matter of weeks, I started to get some other issues affecting my health. Mostly irregular heart rhythms and decreased energy and just general poor health. I made the rounds of doctors to find out what was wrong and all signs pointed to my obesity and arthritis so I asked the doctor if she would recommend weight loss surgery and much to my surprise, she did recommend it as well as a referral.
The first place I started in was http://www.obesityhelp.com/ and I did a lot of reading and research, finding out who in my area was the most successful surgeon, what methods had the best success rate. Talking to other people that have had the surgery and who has been able to 'live' with the change. The doctor referral that I was initially referred only does Lap RNY, so several resources all pointed in the same direction.
I was able to get it to see the doctor for the initial consultation within 5 days of seeing my primary care provider. To be 'approved' for surgery, I had to have an initial BMI of 35 plus co-morbitities or 40+, mine was 42.1.
I was put on a strict diet (to accommodate my body to the primary food sources post surgery) while waiting for Insurance Approval (that took 28 days) and through preliminary testing (blood work, the EKG, the Gall Bladder Ultra Sound, the Upper GI, the physical exam, and medical clearance), that took another 3 weeks, eventually I got on the schedule for surgery. So my total preparation time was 90 days. It was an emotional roller coaster of dealing with when I eat, why I eat, all kinds of things.
The surgery it self was over so quickly, in at 7 am, in recovery by noon, home by 3 pm the next day, the learning to cope with the new tummy pouch, that has taken MUCH longer to get used too. What I can and can not eat, how much, how often when to drink, how to survive one sip at a time. That has been the challenge.
While on the restrictive diet the first 90 days, I was eating just lean meats and green leafy vegetables, it took some time to get used to but the weight loss was substantial. 10 lbs a month. I seriously considered continuing with that alone and not following through with the surgery. But as time went on it was harder and harder not to go back to old habits of eating food that was high carbohydrates. I felt myself back under the control of the carbohydrate monster and the cravings were driving me to consume them anyways. So I went ahead with the surgery as scheduled.
The surgery has a couple of benefits. One, you are FULL after consuming 1 oz of food. That limits your day to 3 oz of food or about 100 calories, which is highly effective in weight loss. The second is that the food you do eat is not fully optimized, and you miss most of the nutrients. The third is that you develop an intolerance for certain foods like sweets and oils. If I consume sugary sodas (with or without carbonation) I get nauseated and diarrhea, same with oily food. Even well cooked high fat meats that have been rinsed and drained can still make me heave, thus training me that those foods that are not good for me, make me sick.
One of the things that I am having difficulty with this month is that I am not able to be exercise as much as I was able to before the surgery. I have a harder time getting enough fluids to keep hydrated when it is hot and I am perspiring. I do not have the energy that I had (I used to be able to walk 8 – 10 miles) now I can barely go 5-6 miles.
Hope that helps answer your questions.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
today I am starting with hot herbal tea. I am on my second 8 oz cup before breakfast. but that will pose some challenges as well, since I have been up for 2 hours and am getting hungry. so far I am still limited to 1 oz of meat and .5 oz of vegetables. I have to watch those last couple of bites or I will get over stuffed and then hurt for the next three hours. I would much rather eat .75 ounces and then have a snack in 3 hours than get in a full 1 ounce and hurt for those three hours.
have been walking a little here and there each day, about 1 - 3 miles a day, no dramatic speed races, just moving. hit the spa yesterday, nice and relaxing. my suit fits much better than it has in the past.
To date: 25 lbs lost before surgery, and 25 lbs lost after surgery, 50 lbs loss total. ;) I keep trying to develop a routine, even if it is only a couple of miles a day, just get out there and do it daily, then it is not such a 'shock' to the system personally I hate to move, but I force myself anyways. ;) I still want to weigh in 2 - 4 times a day but have deliberately left the scales at home on this trip so that I have to really work at finding other things to obsess about. I will trot over to costco today and see where I am at, (it has been 4 days since I weighed last) (sounds worse than a drunk, hey, it has been 4 days since my last drink. heehee)