Wednesday, August 23, 2006

issues.. it is always issues.

if you can't tell your best girlfriends, who can you tell?

my husband is a blessing. I do not really want to 'vent' he is fantastic.

he is supportive, emotionally, business, and financially as well as everything else a spouse wouldashouldacoulda do. (he does laundry/dishes/cooking/baking/trash) bed time with boys. all of it. he makes a great wife. and he brings in a grrrrreat paycheck.

so you asking why am I whining?

he is bored. he is unhappy at work. he is miserable. fine. change jobs, I am supportive.

the last time he wanted to relocate, it was to Portland. OUCH. would would make 1/2 as much and the cost of living would be twice as much.

then it was Spokane, OUCH. would would make 1/2 as much and the cost of living would be twice as much.

then it was Boise, OUCH. would would make 1/2 as much and the cost of living would be twice as much.

then two weeks ago it was Bergen Norway, OUCH. would would make 1/2 as much and the cost of living would be four times as much.

this week it is Missoula, Montana. OUCH. would would make 1/2 as much and the cost of living would be twice as much. BUT

you heard the BUTT

my heart is dying. it is my home town. and they have done some really really great things for the town, the parks and recs have just going ballistic on making it kid friendly. some of my favorite haunts are getting a major face lift. even downtown is really going to town on community involvement.

I told him, that we can not keep jerking my chain about moving, and then not move. I go through all the hassle of finding a realtor, look at properties, investigate the chamber of commerce, and then I get dissappointed.

I told him that he was going to have do the details, I can't do it anymore. but now this, I can't help but get excited. what am I going to do for a business. I know all the 'big wheels' with cameras in town. intimidation to say the least, this is not a town of 4.1 million with plenty of customers to go around, this is 65K that is it. once you mess up, your busted. WOM can kill in a week.

but of course what do we argue about? that I am not going to live in an aparment in a college town. and he is not going to buy a house with a lawn to mow. I know that I am already an emotional basket case with everything else going on. but he has found a really nice business there that he would like to work with. and I think that they would be a good fit as well.

I told him that I can not handle more emotional roller coasters and he RROMISES that he wants to move there as well. June 2007.

:-) Montana is beautiful, (I went to gradeschool, middle school, high school and college in the same town. missoula.) I just do not like that he keeps changing his mind after I do all the research. I feel like I have incomplete projects that are never finished. just scrapped.

I swear, I had to go to walmart and buy more purses.

what I was REAALLY worried about.

when my husband and I first got together, we took a trip to my home in alabama at the time and he was pretty negative as we drove across mississippi and alabama. he has been beyond negative about texas and idaho. and I really do not mind too much, but I would be crushed and devastated if he were to get to montana and degrade it the way he has everything else in the last 10 years.

it is just too close to my heart. it is my 'HOME' and it is sacred to me.

last night we were 'talking' and I explained to him all the possible things about it that were bad. bad water quality. bad air quality. bad housing quality. finally he was like, if you do not want to move there, we can go to bergen. and I finally said it. voiced my real fears. that I just couldnt handle if he spoke with such hatred of my home town the way he has spoke of every other place we have been to in the US.

we talked some more and I do not have the same sense of dread and doom that I did. what really 'feels' like whining is just working through fears and issues. thanks for listening.

I had my LAP RNY on May 31st, since surgery, I have lost 48 lbs, for a total of 75.5 lbs since my first doctor visit in March.

I am not struggling with hunger yet, as a matter of fact, right now, the idea of food just makes gag. I forced down breakfast and lunch (all protien) and I am dreading dinner. very effective tool. food is not a torture device instead of an emotional consolation.

rotten sob doctor anyhow. breaks my crutch so now I have to DEAL with my feelings. blech. I want a refund. ;) LOL

You Are 64% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.
Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.