Monday, August 21, 2006

I love the body I am in

I had a moment this week that may be relevant.

I was talking to my grandmother. announceing my daughters engagement.

my grandmother asked how my 'doctor supervised' diet was coming along. I said fine, I have lost 72 lbs.

she says: oh you must be so beautiful now.

I said, grandma, I was beautiful before. I was a christian. I did community service. I raised 5 children and taught them right from wrong. I pay my taxes. none of that has changed.

what I didnt say is that people that percieve beauty and value in the outside packaging totally miss the point of people that are beautiful on the inside.

she has never watched what she ate and is 97 lbs sopping wet, she is very lucky, and she thinks that it is all about will power and it really isnt. I am eating 225 calories a day for the last 14 days and the scale has not moved. that is just the way it is. it is not about will power. but I know WHO I am and I know WHAT I am. those core fundamental things will never change. I may have to have a radical surgery to change my body into a healthier size and shape, a more eye pleasing size and shape, but ultimately, we take with us whom ever we are no matter where we go, so all the baggage is always going to be there through THICK or THIN. and that could be why some revert back to over eating after surgery and gain back, is that they keep that baggage with them like an inheritance, holding on to it for a rainy day.

a day when they hear the words that hurt their feelings and then say, hey, poor me, I think I will get some comfort food after all, I am worthless anyways, everyone has always said so all my life.

YOU have to believe in YOU or YOU will never change.