Tuesday, May 15, 2007


I am 1 year post op. I am below goal and stable.

my husband loves me. my kids love me. my customers love me.

so while I am not unhappy, I am not enjoying my work. this is work that I do because I LOVE it.

I left the rat race years ago and have been living my dream, doing what I love to do. I am a child photographer.

my favorite subject is babies and I have a new grandbaby and I do not even want to take his picture. that is so not like me.

I made an appointment with my PCP and she says that I look great and can find nothing to complain about.

my surgeon went out of business last month, so I am locating a new one. found one that is 10 miles away, I am waiting for the surgeon to call me back to schedule appointment.

I called the lab to schedule my labs, they have not called me back. grrr I am starting to think that everyone else in a 12 mile radius has the same low motivation this month that I do. ;)

I do not think that I am low on anything, I eat most of my protein, I take most of my vitamins, I drink most of my fluids, and I am getting enough sleep most of the time.

My neighbors are truly getting on my nerves, my customers are fine, my kids are wearing thin as well to some degree. but the main escape with work should be giving me the most pleasure is giving the least.

talk about stress and the mood changes:

In November I was working 20 hours a day, 7 days a week.
In December I took 2 weeks off from work and spent them in a motel room with family. off and on, about 2 - 5 family members a day were 'gathered around' and for the most part it was not too stressful, about a 4-6 out of 10 each day.
In January, I had a daughter get married, we had to buy the dress 7 days before the wedding, I cooked all the goodies for the reception (150 guests) and did all the arranging and had out of town guests in the driveway and from the airport, and it was hectic, the bridal shower was the day before, the wedding and 'dry' reception the day of, a second 'wet' reception to follow, then the gifts and saying goodbye to some family, and trips downtown, and to the airport, it was just chaos.
February was the renovation of my daughter's spare bedroom for the new baby that arrived valentines day, and renovating a used blazer for her when it was obvious that the 'vw bug' would not work with a new born and carseat.
March was the start of DayCare Season, 25 - 40 kids ages 4 weeks to 5 years each day and my mother insisted that I drive daughter, and grandson to alabama over a weekend for a 5 generation family picture for the newspaper. we had a big ol barbque and then back home (24 hours of driving) to get back to work
April and May were more photography work, LOTS more. and there is the end of school year broohaha at the elementary school for my two sons (Kindergarten and 1st grade)

I know that some or part is just the stress of being a mom of 5 kids and now 2 son in laws and 1 grandchild. I was really good the first 6 months with insisting that people take care of their own problems while I take care of me, but I have slipped back into my old ways of putting me second and them and work first.