How can I maintain control over my body and the food that calls to me on an hourly basis? First I started with forgiving myself. liking myself. then I started with choices.
that returned the power to me. not giving it to the food.
I choose to eat the ham sandwich at home instead of the hamburger at McDonalds.
I choose to eat an apple smothered in p'butter instead of the oreos that I had in the bag after cleaning out the car from the road trip.
I choose to eat 1 slice of pizza instead of two. wait 1/2 hour and see if I was still hungry instead of taking two to start with.
I choose to find Healthy Nibbles to keep on my desk, because I KNOW that I am a nibbler, and tis better to nibble on nuts than to nibble on chocolate chips. heehee
I choose to live within my 'means' and that means that my tummy can and can not do things that can sabotage or rescue me depending on the situation.
last night I choose to go out for dinner with my daughter but I opted for the child's meal at Olive Garden instead of the adult meal. and I had a salad instead of the bread sticks.
I think that it is all about taking control rather than letting food or diets control us. I think that it is also about staying focused and not doing something for three months and then falling back off the wagon, it is easy to work on something when it is new, it is quit another proposition when you are 22 months out and it is not new anymore and it is not 'fun' and 'exciting' anymore and it is just day in and day out.
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Business-wise, I feel like such a fraud. I could have written this myself. I just had a nice sale today. cold booking. proofed on the 50" Plasma, $1290 sale for a family studio session in my living room.
I SHOULD be jumping up and down screaming my bloody head off but I am just too tired. I shot a destination wedding yesterday and I hope to make $1K from it.
My husband is resigned that I do not want to move to Norway and that I really want to keep at my business and now I am so torn. all my whining has paid off that I do not HAVE to go but now I know that he will not be HAPPY if we do not go and if we go, I can escape before anyone finds out that I really have to earthly idea what I am doing.
I have signed up for two seminars in the next two weeks out of guilt that I really do not have a clue and do not know why no one has caught on yet. I got onto my dh that he was not 'believing' in me or being supportive. so his solution (of which I am ecstatically grateful for) is to buy me better equipment. OMG how do let him know that I am a fraud and a MWAC? heehee part of me wants to run screaming through the neighborhood, I am so blessed and I do not know what I did to deserve it?
I know that I am 'winging it' and nothing I shoot turns me on and gets me pumped up. I do not really even feel motivated to print anything for myself that I have shot in the last 6 months. it has all be 'auto pilot' and I have not even been 'working on my game plan' because I just feel that there is not enough hours in the day for 'the polish' when it is like overloaded like this.
I got my sales tax filed last week, with a small overpayment of $50 but at this juncture I am too tired to file an amendment so I will just let it go for now. chalk it up to experience and make better notes for next year's filing.
I have a FLOOR full of receipts that need to be correlated for Federal Tax filing. I got such a tremendous amount of work done this weekend on the laptop, That was such a fantastic surprize, not only a surprise on Christmas morning, but today when I was able to be prepared for a proofing session that I was not at all sure I would be able to pull off successfully 48 hours prior to the appointment. I was able to proof 1/2 of the session in a motel room the night before a destination wedding and the second half while I was waiting for Magnus to attend a birthday party this morning. I do have help coming on Tuesday to get the yard detailed. that is a blessed relief. So between the upgrade of the computer, that has completely changed my time utilization, the upgrade of the camera that has shown a significant change in my work, although figuring out the new software is a LEARNING CURVE. Overall I am feeling a lot of blessings and a small decrease in the stress level of my life over the last week.
