Letter FROM the school:
Erik continued minor misbehavior.
Erik left the cafeteria during lunch and did not return to the class until more than 10 minutes after we returned to class. he did not return even when I sent another child to get him.
Erik will miss recess today, Monday and Tuesday and will write restroom rules.
My Letter TO the school:
I am constantly amazed at how ignorant some people are about health. I find it completely barbaric that anyone would find it acceptable to restrict a child to a set schedule for bodily functions. I find it completely brutal to discover that someone would punish my child for taking too long in the lavatory performing defecation.
Let me assure you that I will not under any circumstance condone or allow that type of behavior to continue to endanger the health and well being of any of my children. Your policies are beyond unconscionable.
Erik, and his brother Magnus, have been steadily working to heal the damage that was inflicted upon them during the 2006-2007 school year. Constantly holding bowel movements created such a health hazard to them, that they are now on a continuous regime of pharmaceuticals to aid them in the most basic of bodily functions.
I can not begin to relate to you what terror it elicits for a parent when your child has difficulty moving their bowels. Comforting them at home with tears streaming down their cheeks, as the toilet bowl fills up with bright red blood. When they return home from attending a public institution with dark crusts of blood on their bottom, and bloody streaks in their underwear from such excruciatingly painful bowel movements.
While my children are now currently under a doctors care, and have been for over 12 months to correct the damage that was inflicted upon them last year, I can not believe that any sane human being would write them up for “CONTINUED MINOR MISBEHAVIOR” for taking extended periods of time to endure such torture.
Erik had to drink dose after dose of Krysalose for months earlier this spring, Now he will be trying Polyethylene Glycol daily to assist him in having a bowel movement. It still takes a very long time for him to pass a stool. To restrict him to a time table is completely reprehensible, if he has to push for 30 minutes, he better be allowed to continue in the restroom without being harassed and harangued.
I have discussed this with his father and his pediatrician. We are all in concurrence.
It is beyond our comprehension that any civilized adult would punish a child for 'taking too long' to have a proper bowel movement. Natural body functions may not coincide with the 'classroom schedule', but they will take presidence. That is something that is not open for discussion, debate, or negotiation.
Whomever policy it is to rush a child back to the classroom before they can complete the task, needs to re-evaluate their priorities, as this policy has already created serious health issues such as internal hemorrhoids, anal fissures and possible colon polyps in my children. Do not think for a single moment that I will allow anyone to jeopardize their health for single second.
If at any time the staff at this school has a problem with either of my children taking too long in the lavatory, you are instructed to call me, so that I can take time off, drive over there, and ensure that they continue making progress to undo the destruction that has already been done. That way the staff can go back to doing whatever the flip they think is so freaking important, and I can protect my children in the state mandated public education facility.
And as for my response to the Office Referral:
NO you may not punish and publicly humiliate him for taking too long in the lavatory. And You definitely will NOT make him write restroom rules unless it is to rewrite the current one that I find to be deplorable at best and infinitely intolerable.
to get so righteously indignant as to say to my face that I was the most .. goodness.. there are just no words to describe the 2 hours of abuse that I received in the office from that principal.
first I OFFENDED HER DELICATE SENSIBILITIES by describing what happens when my sons have difficulty with a bowel movement and that I was way to graphic to share that with a teacher or an administrator. that should be private and that I was harming the children by telling someone other than the family doctor about it. so I am SHARING TOO MUCH INFORMATION.
I did not DOCUMENT enough of the pre-existing condition by SHARING what medications the boys were on LAST YEAR, and EVEN THOUGH I did send a two paged typed document regarding MAGNUS condition this year, and had only shared his struggles last year VERBALLY, I WAS not DOCUMENTING on the MEDICAL CARD a REFERENCE to the TWO PAGED Document.
HEADMISTRESS was so condescending and rude with her innuendos that she was dumbfounded that I could have a so little tact and while she recognized that I was angry and upset, she totally felt that her administration was not to blame. after all they didn't KNOW that the boys had problems with constipation and it was not THEIR fault that I had not effectively COMMUNICATED that to all the principals.
in the same breath, she did pointedly say: I was not to contact anyone but her about an issue, that I was not to share medical information with a teacher. (who the bloody hell is going to tell the teacher if I do not?) the Nurse? I told her verbally about Magnus, mailed her a letter, and the Music and PE teachers STILL made him wait to use the toilet when he had to defecate.)
the administrator just keep badgering for hours, and I am not kidding, HOURS, I arrived at 9:30 am and left at 12:15 pm, regarding how intensive I was to share the boys medical problems. that I should be ashamed to have done so. and that I should keep medical problems PRIVATE. and that I should explore my options to home school the boys since I disliked their policies so much.
She was totally belligerent when she stated that all the kids can use the lavatory when every thy want, and then added, well except the pre-K and that K and the First and Second graders, they all go together as a group to the lavatory, and completely cut me off when I tried to say, THAT is the POINT, I have a first and second grader and waiting until the whole class goes, is CAUSING THE PROBLEM.
She was beyond furious that I wouldnt call her administration first to talk about the office referral, when I pointed out that the referral was written documentation and proof enough of the school's position. it stated that this had happened before, that Erik had been in the bathroom for long periods of time and no one had notified me, and that if it was boys playing, she should have stated that on the referral. and she could have easily and happily strangled me for CC'ing the school district superintendent.
oh and check this out, she said that in her 60 years as a mother and a grand mother and her 37 years as a teacher and educator she has never in her life been so shocked by a parent who would have shared such private information and would communicated things that should remain private. I resisted the temptation to say "that she really needed to get out more". I did however tell her I do not believe that problems are solved by hiding them. I refuse to sweep something under the rug. If my two boys have had a problem with constipation from holding it until it is convenient to take the whole class to the lavatory, how many other children have?
She wanted me to fill out a medically fragile form, to facilitate SOMETHING. I wonder if it is just to say cover her butt that way she doesn't have to make a policy change that would benefit all children? Instead to treat my children as an exception rather than address rule that is causing the problem?
she was extremely beligerent when she viciously went on that there were other children in the school that were much more medically needy with issues like asthma and diabetes. and that I should be ashamed of myself for causing so much fuss. that some children have to take enzymes with every meal. HELLO. that must be Benjamin Nichols, yes, I know Butters, I have given him the enzymes when I babysat him. OH, well, you could have knocked her over with a feather.
I swear, the condescension used to annoy me, but the verbal sparing was quite something coming from someone of her 'age' if not maturity was surprising. I could clearly see some of her manipulation, she wanted me to get angry enough that I threaten to pull my children out of the school, and I totally could see through it, then she would not have to deal with me. I surprised myself by not falling for the ruse. usually I would be so angry, I would get sucked into the drama, an could have made the threat, but it was as if I was having an out of body experience. I could see her machinations and just laugh at them, they were so manipulative and I was for the moment at least impervious. that is a good milestone for me. not to get sucked into the drama.
now I have to write up something for Erik as well as magnus, get documentation from the pediatrician and create a paper trail. oh and get this......
SHE HAS MADE A FILE with all my letters, and she is KEEPING all my LETTERS in that FILE. and she is going to KEEP THAT FILE. oh bloody hell!! someone needs to get a flipping life.
As for the boys, she is going to insist that they use the nurses lavatory and have a nurse supervise thier bowel movements so that they are not PLAYING in the restroom. HELLO that was the WHOLE FLIPPING OBJECTIVE was to facilitate that they can go when they want to go, and take as long as they need to get it out, and not have teachers and other students pestering them while they GO!!! she acted like it was a consequence instead of a reasonable solution to problem.
SWEET MOTHER OF GAWD!